- If you take a selfie, you can actually look up in the mirror at the lens. Almost every picture (mostly men because we are mostly idiots) seems to show the person in the reflection looking down at the camera. Damn - your right ear is so fucking sexy!

- If your ad has a list of demands longer than Santa’s, maybe it’s time to revaluate? I get it, leave nothing to chance and you will always meet the perfect couple! Then again, maybe the perfect couple doesn’t exist and you’re missing out on meeting some fan-fucking-tastic people.

- This one is simple and should have been obvious. If you admonish me for voting for one political monkey or another, just leave the LS. Fast. You clearly don’t understand why we are all here (spoiler alert: it’s for fun).

- The “Our time is limited” ad – classic. How many ads emphasize this over and over like an infomercial? We get it, you’re busy. If we need to schedule fun with more planning than the launch of a Space-X rocket, is it really fun? Some people have kids and need a sitter, perfectly understandable. But others make it seem like they are doing us a favor by granting us time.

- Single guys, I could write until my fingers bled about this but I’ll limit to just a few gems: - You have a cock. Coooool! She’s seen many and they are all pretty much the same. Yours is not the biggest and if it was she would run like a gazelle being chased across the Serengeti.

- Guys, stop embarrassing yourselves! If she is looking for a single guy, she does NOT need to see you with 5 different women having unprotected sex. Red flag! She knows you have sex, it’s why we are all here! I eat, should I post pictures of pizza sauce all over my white shirt?

- When you contact a couple who’s profile is open to single guys, maybe send a simple few words to let them (her) know you are interested in getting to know them (her) better. Just about every single guy sends: “hi” or “she’s hot I’d love to fuck her tonight” and other not so charming references. Delete!

- Your profile contents, now this one has been discussed ad nauseam, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t add something to this list. The profile is like doing a shot. You don’t want the whole bottle, just a taste of what’s in it. More than 5 words, less than 23,000. I don’t care that he wants a finger slipped in his rump-hole during peak orgasm, or that her squirting is akin to a tsunami that will require an insurance adjuster to visit and assess the damage to your Pergo flooring. Just a few sentences that depict what an awesome couple you are, why you dig the LS, a few brief expressions of yourselves and BAM – you have our attention. Humor is a huge plus in your profile. Let’s everyone breathe a sigh of relief that you can carry on a conversation with some intelligence.

- Finally, the ad with zero pictures. I’m sorry, but this is a full stop for us. We understand that it’s risqué to be in the LS. You don’t want your uncle Bob to be surfing porn one day and see his niece on all fours. But that’s not how SLS works. You have to join. Then somehow decipher a screen name like a WWII decoder. Then, if you set your privacy features up correctly, he would have to be a paid member to see them. Nobody said you have to show face pictures, just a few shots of you enjoying an overpriced margarita with your face blurred, or in a bikini (men, this does NOT apply to you. Speedo is not your friend), or doing some hobby you enjoy. Attraction is part of the LS, like it or not.

These are a few. Most I’m sure not too surprising, but fun to revisit once in a while. If you want to add to this list please feel free – I’d love to hear your interpretation of LS adventures.