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INSIGHT INTO “traditional “MONOGAMY vs Ethical Non Monogamy or Open Relationships

We like to share both professional and personal experience over the last 20 years in hopes to make our community a better forum for everyone.

Knowledge and understanding is power and success in anything you do in life.

Almost all civilizations before the advent of Christ had some form of communal love making and sharing.

Greek, romans, Indians (wrote the Kama sutra) , Norwegian (Vikings would share wives prior to battle, in hopes that men would be more apt to protect their brothers back in war, creating a closer fighting and family unit within their society)

Japan to this day still has certain open marriage unwritten rules- MEN have concubines and it’s not uncommon for women to have a play partner AFTER having a baby since a mothers brain changes to BABY BRAIN rather than having all her attention towards male partner as it would have been prior to motherhood days.

I often think that these cultures had it CORRECT, we are varietal creatures...

You only see anomalous examples where a HUMANS would choose to have the same dinner, same drink, and same vacation, drive same car etc. etc... You see the pattern, for an entire lifespan. Humans naturally seek out variety and VERY FEW will choose to do the same thing monotonously. However religious teachings and social morays have skewed the way we think about SEX and made this one of the very few things that we are “not allowed” to enjoy variety of life, for fear of “sin” or living outside of social norms, but do enjoy variety in every other aspect of life.

TRADITIONAL Marriage also came out of necessity during religious creation and was useful for when we lived to age 35 to protect and nurture a family.

It did not take into consideration longevity of 90 yrs. old, as present day life expectancy.

Humans are varietal creatures and to expect one partner to be the EVERYTHING for another person for lifespan and partnership duration is asking a lot. This is why we have friends with different personalities that we may choose to spend time since they serve different interest and needs for us on a social scale.

There are DECADES of statistics going all the way back to the KINSEY sexual institute studies in the 1960's

74% of men anonymously report some form of infidelity during a marriage You would think much lower for women?

63% of women anonymously report infidelity

30% of married couples report staying in an UNHAPPY marriage for children or financial reasons and are NO longer in love with their partner.

Add that to natural DIVORCE rate of 50% to 54% in any year means that 84% of marriages end in divorce or unhappy pairing where almost ¾ of both men and women have cheated.

It should be readily apparent that monogamous marriage has never truly been monogamous!

Ask any mathematician and these numbers mean that DIVORCE & CHEATING are the majority not representative of monogamous marriage being successful at all.

We are not against marriage BUT do believe that there should be more individualistic rules and arrangements for each set of people –

Not rely on an old antiquated system that never took human psychology into consideration... we blindly follow a lot of societal constructs without truly thinking about them and how they affect our relationships with each other

We don’t think we have any more answers than anyone else.. BUT do feel that making your own rules and family values around reality and psychological truths makes far more sense than following an antiquated societal institution that is 2000 years old, and has not evolved with modern times.

There is a GREAT book out there called "AGAINST love” Laura KIPNIS ... its a "polemic" which is a story based on truths that is written not to answer any specific question but rather to provoke thought and conversation --GREAT BOOK

The most reported anonymous FANTASY by men is to see their wife sleep with another man... Also has not changed since the 60's since KINSEY INTSTITUE studies and has some roots in "sperm competition" – -hidden deep within our brain AMYGDALA to be exact are instinctual drives and instinct just like any other mammal on the planet

when most animals mate another animals girl LOL ... they are immediately driven to have sex so that the SCOOP of the penis can REMOVE the other sperm and deposit yours to further promote pro creation of the strongest and most virile sperm --whichever one that may be ..

No matter how hard we try or what means we use to place ourselves into boxed dogma of societal thinking... You will never beat biology...

BIOLOGY will win even if it’s just in fantasy inside the head and never acted on.

Why porn is so popular and in some cases just as bad as the "cheat" part...

easier to just talk about it and grow as a race to understand needs and human interaction.

REALITY even for online “sex dating sites” Is that most couples and women have strong relationship values, family, friends, social/personal obligations, aspirations and are NOT simply solving for sex but rather for men that are a good fit to their relationship, not just attending to every whimsical sexual deviant comment that men send every day. So really its all about the couple and less about what SINGLE MEN THINK a COUPLES AGENDA should be , which is usually all based around getting their own dick wet and NOTHING ELSE .

It should also be considered that couples too may have “hidden agenda” , partner forcing other to play, sexual deviancy, using men as play toys etc.

Play and meeting is a CHOICE and its best when intentions and direction match, however very FEW ever share their real intent.

There are 2 groups here in our opinion

SWING SITES often ADVERTISE as SEX sites this is NOT accurate at all.

SEX site is where you pay to get guaranteed sex from a sex service worker; This is a "sex dating site" where all natural human values of attraction and choice still exist. Even if FETISH or "sex activity" based a good MATCH must exist between the parties to want to pursue meeting and have a SUCCESSFUL situation together.

A quality profile and a LOT of communication, effort and WORK is required to make it happen as it is on any “dating website” GROUP 1

People with sexual "addiction” and a "need" like a drug addiction, for sex.

Couples that are trying to fix a marital issue like erectile dysfunction or marital boredom--they usually use terms like "add spice”, explore, try new things.

Finally, people looking to sexually explore for a short time. People seeking to fill a bucket list of things to try before going back to NORMAL world. This type often has no idea what they want, what they are looking for, and never placed any real thought behind their actions other than randomly starting a profile.

GROUP 1 will often be transient and GONE/quit the site after they realize this is NOT a "sex" site as most sites advertise but rather a "SEX DATING site " and all the natural basic psychology of human attraction still exist.

It takes EFFORT and thought to truly meet and attract the right people to meet EVEN more so on a sex site than the average everyday disposable dating site like Tinder, for example

GROUP 2 - Long time veteran, experienced members, with loving, secure strong relationships that just have an open marriage agreement of some sort or ethically non monogamous...and admittedly non monogamous singles. When you see COUPLES and singles profiles that are OLDER than 2 year, Likely GROUP 2

Guess you know which group we are.

Another issue.. INTERNET "dating " has changed the "integrity” of human interaction when it comes to this stuff. Interaction is disposable and most are here to full fill their own agenda..

Creating a longer lasting "relationship" is often much more difficult because most people couples , women and men included are PUSHING their own agenda rather than focusing on truly finding the best match for their intentions and compounded difficulty when people don’t know themselves enough to communicate HONESTLY what they want or need out of the lifestyle or interaction with others.