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But who am I really? - 7-7

"Ahr ye ready?"

Hugh looked up at Erin's father who was holding out his hand. He looked at the door that would open to reveal the church pews, filled with relatives and friends.

"No..." Hugh voice was hesitant.

Mr. O'Neil chuckled. "Well, I guess nobody really is. But tell me, do ya love 'im?"

Hugh thought of Erin, waiting by the altar, dressed magnificently in a black tuxedo and bow tie. "Yes!" Hugh stated firmly.

"Well then, you're as ready as you'll ever be." He smiled and held out his hand again.

This time Hugh slipped his small and elegant hand (Hugh was wearing silk gloves for the occasion) into Mr. O'Neil's larger rough farmer's hands. Mr. O'Neil grasped the hand gently and reassuringly. He then stepped forward, opened the double doors, and led Hugh into the assembly.

Hugh gasped as everyone stood up and the organ started in on "Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring".

'My god, this is really happening.' Hugh thought to himself. He remembered to smile as he stepped into the hall and felt the vaulted ceilings open up above him.

'But, who am I? What am I doing?' Hugh looked down the aisle and saw Erin waiting for him, smiling broadly. 'My god, he's so gorgeous. But what about me? Am I the bride or the groom? Do I want to have children and take care of them while Erin starts her new business? Or do I want to go back to my career?'

Hugh felt the heavy fabric of the silk skirt flow around his legs.

Hugh tried to remember what it was like when he was running the company. All that came back to him were images of performance reviews, schedule slippage, resource constraints, angry and demanding customers.

'But I liked it once, didn't I? Why did I do it?'

Hugh felt Mr. O'Neil squeeze his hand. Hugh looked at him and smiled, and was rewarded when Mr. O'Neil smiled back.

'Maybe I just had to prove to myself that I could do it. But, now what do I do? What do I want to do? Should I be getting married? Should I go back to school?'

Hugh's mind wandered over the events of the last month and a half. He had been very busy, helping Erin, doing the laundry, keeping the house neat, planning the wedding, doing the shopping, filling out his wardrobe, studying up on prenatal care, lining up a pediatrician, getting checkups, exercising. It had been a busy, frantic, wild, crazy time.

'And fun.' Hugh smiled broadly. He had had a blast shopping with Fenway. He loved exercising with Liz and her sarcastic comments about the pudgy balding men in the health club. He loved talking to 2 AM with his new sister, Mary, about life and loves and their respective futures. He had loved shopping for the wedding dress, he loved that each day was like playing dress up.

'But most of all, I love being with Erin.' And not just the female Erin, Hugh realized, but the male Erin. The Hugh Erin. Hugh loved the way Erin smiled, how she complimented and praised him profusely for any little chore that he finished, how he felt safe that Erin was handling the business so competently, how he felt in Erin's arms. Erin's masculine arms as they wrapped tightly around his female body, hugging him tightly to her male body, as her fingers played down his back and buns.

Hugh didn't want a thing to change. He wanted to freeze this moment in time forever. He would have been happy to relive the last month and a half, when he changed into a female and fell in love, over and over again.

'But do I want to be a woman forever? Will I tire of this body? But most of all, do I want to be his wife?' Hugh wondered. 'Do I want to raise our children, take care of the household, love and obey my husband forever?'

Hugh looked into Erin's eyes, and felt tears of joy streaming down. For the first time he saw Erin as 'him,' a man in full possession of his body. Caring, confident. And also for the first time, Hugh realized that he was really a 'she'. A woman. Hugh now felt as if he was Erin, truly and completely.

Hugh looked up at the priest. "I do," she said. "Yes! I do."

Chapter 12 ------- --

"Shush, sweetie, here... don't cry."

Erin reached into the crib and curled her arms around Janet, her first born. Erin lifted Janet out of the crib, hugged her close and started to gently sway and rock. Janet settled down a bit, but then reached out for Erin's breast.

"I know, you're hungry. Well, it's time, so let's get started." Erin went and sat down on the straight-backed chair that Hugh had bought to support her back while breast-feeding. She unbuttoned her blouse to expose two ample breasts, now swollen with milk to about twice their normal size, securely held by a nursing bra. Erin pulled the front flap away from its Velcro fasteners and exposed an enlarged nipple that was leaking slightly. She moved her breast to Janet's lips, which immediately opened and started suckling.

Erin felt the pressure on her breast subside as she fed Janet. The first time this had happened, Janet had been unprepared for the strong feelings of affection and love which came from breast feeding her offspring. She had also been unprepared for the sexual stimulation.»