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losamantes    Posts: 313
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First full swap now having mixed feelings
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > First full swap now having mixed feelings       07-28-2013 19:20 PM
It is what it is. The wife would be much more likely to bang an average guy in a couple, regardless of what she looks like, than she would a single male. A single male is held to a much higher standard.
Location Location Location
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Location Location Location       07-28-2013 19:07 PM
Use the location where you're willing to meet.
Going to first party
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinging Single > Going to first party       07-28-2013 19:00 PM
Hook up with a trusted single guy and go as a couple. It's nice to have someone watching your back. When you get comfortable and know most of the partygoers, then go by yourself.
First full swap now having mixed feelings
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > First full swap now having mixed feelings       07-28-2013 18:42 PM
"Never forget, that without you, he wouldn't be playing at all". Yes, we believe that. Just ask any average, run of the mill single male. A single guy in the lifestyle is practically invisible. Add a female sidekick and the options expand exponentially.
Parties-Socials with a non-published guest list
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Parties-Socials with a non-published guest list       07-28-2013 18:27 PM
The non-published guest list wouldn't be a problem for us, but it sounds like there will be pressure to participate. Really not our thing as we're pretty selective. Personally, we'd pass.
First full swap now having mixed feelings
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > First full swap now having mixed feelings       07-26-2013 19:28 PM
The day you think you need to seek counseling for lifestyle related issues is the same day you need to bail out, for everyone's sake. If you can't compartmentalize love vs. sex, you have no business dabbling in the lifestyle. Lot's of things are said in the heat of the moment, don't take them too seriously. A guy's ego is a huge thing, even bigger than he thinks his dick is. Never forget that without you, he wouldn't be playing at all. Most likely the other couple chose to play because of you, not him.
Newbies
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Newbies       07-22-2013 20:20 PM
"Sounds like" is the operative term. Since we can't see your profile we don't know what exactly you're looking for, but our guess is that you're trolling for single females, practically a hopeless task here. Don't take it wrong, but almost every newbie has the same fantasy, just do a search on single females. Vabeachcouple had the best advice, check out the parties and clubs.
Newbies
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Newbies       07-22-2013 19:04 PM
Not sure whom your hearing from since you're blocking couples. If you're looking for single females, join the crowd of about a million others. It's not uncommon for others to figuratively "bitch slap" newbies only looking for single females. They're called unicorns for good reason and you have to earn respect in the lifestyle before you can play with them. Sounds like you're like so many other newbies that think the lifestyle is all about hot chicks and easy pussy. If in fact that's the case, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
UTTERLY pissed off!
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > UTTERLY pissed off!       07-22-2013 10:09 AM
This is by far the best site in our geographical area. In your area there may be more effective sites. "Arseholes, dreamers and bullshitters" are lurking on all sites. You can reduce your exposure by blocking free members and looking at certs.
huh how clueless can you be
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > huh how clueless can you be       07-22-2013 08:57 AM
Hate to burst your bubble, but we bowed out of the pool party. We just spent 4 days in the car visiting some very vanilla relatives and decided that we're going to play closer to home this weekend. Have a great time and let us know all the sordid details!
huh how clueless can you be
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > huh how clueless can you be       07-22-2013 06:50 AM
Vabeach, complimented her on the big hat Saturday night. You guys left early. Think you danced with Mrs. Amantes in Newport News a few weeks ago. Opened our pics to jog your memory.
huh how clueless can you be
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > huh how clueless can you be       07-21-2013 23:54 PM
Yes, and how cluleless can you be when your only pic is a tit shot?
First full swap now having mixed feelings
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > First full swap now having mixed feelings       07-21-2013 23:46 PM
"he told me she came multiple times" She told him just what he wanted to hear, LOL. Tell him you had the most explosive orgasim of your life, that should shut him up.
huh how clueless can you be
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > huh how clueless can you be       07-21-2013 23:00 PM
You can have 100 ass and tit shots of her, but if there are no pics of him it just ain't happinin. The real swingers here understand that it's all about the ladies. The girl can be hot as s&!t, but if the guy is a toad, it's a no go.
Time wasters
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Time wasters       07-21-2013 15:03 PM
Set up a time to meet, if they can't make it, tell them to contact you when they're available. The scammers and flakes will want to continue to chat or email without a set date.
Requesting proof photos of questionable members
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > First Contact > Requesting proof photos of questionable members       07-21-2013 14:50 PM
We don't jump through any of hoops to prove we're real. We go to most of the local parties and know many of the serious lifestylers in our area. Unless you have some certs from people we trust, the odds of us meeting up with you are pretty slim. We call BS on anyone that wants to trade pics or chat off sls.
Stupid question, but for those that say that are looking for d-d free friends
FORUMS > General Discussions > Soft Swinger > Stupid question, but for those that say that are looking for d-d free friends       07-21-2013 14:21 PM
“It’s a deal breaker for us. We also have friends , who because of their jobs, can get tested without notice.” Life is too short to live by the rules. Get another job and start living the way you want to, not the way you're told.
Wondering
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Wondering       07-20-2013 11:54 AM
Could be a lot of reasons for no response. Don't worry about it and keep reaching out. We rarely initiate contact anymore but when we do we just fire off an email and if they respond, great, if not, we've probably already forgotten about them anyway.
Certifications
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Certifications       07-16-2013 08:49 AM
Certs are only an indication that the couple is real. Certs are no indication of compatibility. Sounds like the couple was real.
Las Vegas Bars
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Las Vegas Bars       07-10-2013 04:25 AM
Why would you waste time at a mainstream bar when there are better venues? Check out the Red Rooster or Couples Oasis. Don't know if you're looking for MFM or FMF, but there's a big difference. If it's FMF, it's going to cost you in Vegas. I agree with silksheets, you're missing out big time by blocking couples, especially if you're looking for FMF. On a side note, your profile name is really scary, probably not something that would attract a lot of single women, or anyone for that matter.
Wife thinks its weird
FORUMS > General Discussions > Soft Swinger > Wife thinks its weird       07-09-2013 21:17 PM
If we're not looking at each other like deer in the headlights in the car on the way home, asking each other "what just happened", then we didn't have a good time. When it ceases to be strange, it's no fun anymore. "When the going get weird, the weird get going." Hunter S. Thompson, may he rest in peace.
ediqute
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > ediqute       06-28-2013 08:01 AM
The lifestyle is all about the women. The woman always chooses. The men are just along for the ride, lol.
how do i get my wife interested
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > how do i get my wife interested       06-25-2013 17:30 PM
“Since we currently reside in Italy where nudity and sexuality are embraced” When I last checked the Vatican still held some sway in Italy, and while nudity and sexuality may be embraced, swinging is probably not. I would think the lifestyle would be something you might want to discuss with a prospective bride prior to marriage if it was important to you. I've met my share of Italian women and the last thing I'd want to do is piss one off. Make sure your car and household goods are well insured.
how do 2 new couples get things started and feel relaxed
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > how do 2 new couples get things started and feel relaxed       06-21-2013 10:50 AM
When you get together don't spend too much time talking or it'll be that much harder to change gears and get naked. If you're new it's easier to start out with your own partners. Have the lights turned down before they get there and sit close to the other couple. Start undressing each other while making small talk and the other couple will get the idea and follow suit. The rest will be easy. The key is not to spend too much time socializing or it becomes awkward making the transition from talking about the kids to having sex.
Newbie seeks advice: What to do if partner isn't having a good time
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Newbie seeks advice: What to do if partner isn't having a good time       06-19-2013 19:36 PM
Rowdy, You'll definitely know it when you see it. Swinging isn't a cuddle fest, it's a full contact sport. If we don't wake up the next morning with a few unexplained bruises, we probably didn't have a great time.
We want a threesome!
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > We want a threesome!       06-18-2013 17:48 PM
We don't know if you're looking for a male or a female 3rd since, like trooper says, you're blocking couples. The answer for finding single males will be a lot different than finding single females. In any case, there are dozens of threads that discuss finding singles if that's what your looking for. Welcome to the fora and feel free to ask more specific questions.
Locating People at Resorts
FORUMS > Suggestions > Website > Locating People at Resorts       06-18-2013 17:25 PM
Click the password tab and scroll the country list all the way to the top, it's the first one on the list. Don't use the list under the location tab, those are only locations within the country you have highlighted under the password tab.
New but eager to get started!!
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > New but eager to get started!!       06-18-2013 10:30 AM
You sound sincere and enthusiastic. The lifestyle can be tough on newbies. There is no shortage of fakes and creeps that prey on the inexperienced. I recommend that you turn off the IM feature and never trade pictures or communicate off site until you've met in person. Definitely block free members. Rely heavily on certs until you're more experienced. The best advice would be to find a nice, experienced single male with several quality certs and attend some parties together and let him show you the ropes. Not sure if a single woman your age should go off alone to meet strangers, even in a public place; you may not have the life experience yet to see the red flags. As far as STD's go, just assume no one's going to tell you if they have one. Always require condoms. Have fun and keep the questions coming!
Locating People at Resorts
FORUMS > Suggestions > Website > Locating People at Resorts       06-18-2013 09:50 AM
You can indeed change your location to a resort city in another country. Just go to "edit profile" and click on the first tab that says "password". At the bottom of the screen there's a drop down menu that says "country". Change the country to wherever you're going then click on the next tab that says "location" and pick out your location within that country.
Critique
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Critique       06-12-2013 18:33 PM
Yeah, don't know what to make of all those certs. You might want to thin them out starting with old ones and the ones that don't represent your vision of the ideal couple. We're not interested in certs from parties or m&g's, more than one or two and they make you look like a professional guest.
When he dosnt want to share me with other men
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > When he dosnt want to share me with other men       06-12-2013 18:10 PM
Maybe he's concerned that he won't have as much luck as you do finding partners. Try putting your fun on hold while you find him a playmate and he'll probably change his tune pretty quick. If he's the jealous type and really has a problem seeing you with other men then he isn't cut out for the lifestyle and you should back out before someone gets hurt. The lifestyle is a two way street, if you're having fun, he should expect to as well.
newbie looking for tips
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > newbie looking for tips       06-10-2013 06:55 AM
One word, WAX.
Fake Profile- Careful
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Fake Profile- Careful       06-05-2013 17:40 PM
Hmmm, let's see; a free member, on SLS for over three years with no certs, super crappy profile with multiple misspellings, one picture. Let me guess, "she" wanted to trade a few pics on yahoo, oh yeah, and cam. Didn't see that one coming. No red flags there.
How import do others find certifications
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > How import do others find certifications       06-04-2013 13:40 PM
I don’t know about red flag, but we don't have the time or patience to jump through extra hoops to figure out if they're real or not. Almost all of our newbie problems came from free members and long time members with no certs, so we're biased in favor of certs. And yes, when someone contacts us we do look at their certs to see if they meet with people we find attractive. When there are no certs we always wonder in the back of our minds if it's a single guy posing as a couple, or if in fact they’ve ever actually met anyone at all. In any case, we’ll take a profile with certs over one without any day of the week. It’s like asking if you prefer profiles with pictures or without. The people without pictures will argue that pictures don’t mean anything because they could be 15 years old, or be of someone else. They’re right of course.
Lets Talk About Race
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Lets Talk About Race       06-04-2013 13:24 PM
Don't be so quick to get hung up on the race thing. For every profile that only dates within their race there are at least 10 others that don't care, or even prefer other races. Being a SM in the lifestyle overshadows your race by far. Your profile looks good and you already have a cert so you're off to a great start.
Up's Down's - How to Handle
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Up's Down's - How to Handle       06-04-2013 10:26 AM
We agree with GFandME, There will always be ups and downs (sorry, bad pun), but as long as you don't take things too seriously and just have fun you'll be fine. Our idea of swinging is socializing and NSA sex, we try not to overthink it. We stopped dating other people before we got married so we're not interested in sparking up relationships with anyone else. We're firm believers in sex first and then maybe friends later. When you get too friendly with playmates it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings when things go wrong (and they will). It sounds like you may have gotten a bit too friendly with your playmates, all you can do now is learn from it and move on.
Getting Started
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Getting Started       06-03-2013 14:06 PM
It doesn't really sound like your wife is interested in taking your experience to the next level. FYI, the line “she really doesn’t want to know how I met the other couple, or even that they are swingers”. sounds suspiciously like a lead-in to the old "I want to surprise my wife, so when we meet don't mention the lifestyle, don't worry she'll be fine after a few drinks". I realize you're anxious to get started, but slow down and wait for your wife's enthusiasm to catch up with yours.
MFM and no-shows
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > MFM and no-shows       05-26-2013 09:50 AM
There was a bumper sticker here that was very popular in the late '80's that read: "Shit happens". Sounds like what happened to you. There are no guarantees in the real world, and we can only hope to reduce our risk by prudent screening. Will it work every time? NO. Will it work better than not screening? HELL YES! Of course, we've had to reschedule at the last minute due to child care issues, etc. but that's to be expected and we would never hold that against anyone as long as the game was still on. Don't make us come to H"ville to school you, lol.
Swingers vs Lifestylers
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Swingers vs Lifestylers       05-26-2013 09:10 AM
Not directed at you in particular, just that some in the lifestyle seem to Microanalyze things to the point that they never play. Choosing the term "swinger" vs "lifestyler" is a non issue for a hot couple such as yourselves.
MFM and no-shows
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > MFM and no-shows       05-26-2013 08:38 AM
Sorry, didn't have the patience to read all the prior posts, so if this redundant, please forgive me. The term "single male and "no show" in the same sentence is a oxymoron. If, in fact this has ever actually happened, it had to be the result of poor screening. Was the guy a lifetime member? Did he have several GOOD recent certs? If not, well, you know the deal... Married guy cruising for pics and sexy chat, leads you on but can never meet... Endless chat, camming etc. Please stop this madness, unless you're just into pervy chat, don't communicate with SM's that are not a lifetime members with several good certs. Deal with all others at your own risk. Common sense turns out to be not so common after all.
Age Race
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Age Race       05-26-2013 07:12 AM
Just reread it and it could come across as rude, totally unintentional. Point I was trying to make is that we all have some things that we can change and some things we can't. We can't change our age, height, or skin color, and if that's a deal breaker for another couple, we have to accept it, maybe not like it, but accept it. All we can hope to do is try to be the best "us" we can be. If you feel good in your skin, your confidence shines through in your pics and in person. If you don't, people can tell. Attitude and confidence go a long way in the lifestyle.
Age Race
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Age Race       05-25-2013 20:19 PM
Rejection is always a bitter pill to swallow. Our ego requires us to blame factors beyond our control, be it age or race, for personal failures. The bottom line is that attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder is holding all the cards. If you're not happy with the quality the responses you're getting try focusing on things you can control, such as weight and physical fitness. I know it sounds shallow, but it is what it is.
Swingers vs Lifestylers
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Swingers vs Lifestylers       05-25-2013 19:31 PM
Just what we need, more pigeon holes. Why can't we all just f'k each other and call it a day? Most of us have been here long enough to know that thinkers aren't doers, lol. Bottom line, WGAS.
Failure or not
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > First Contact > Failure or not       05-23-2013 16:57 PM
We would've definitely called them out on the old pics. No way we would ever order dinner and lock ourselves into spending an hour of our lives with someone we weren't physically attracted to. Best bet on first dates is to meet for drinks, if there's no chemistry, you can bail in 15 minutes or so. You'll find that you'll get a lot more respect in the swinging community by being direct. If you see that you're not a match, just tell them and get it over with, and hope they'll do the same. We've all made some bad moves when we're new, it's just part of the learning process. Our experience is that flakiness increases in direct proportion to the amount of communication before meeting. We set up first dates with 3 or 4 emails, no chat or texting. If it drags out longer than that, they're not really serious or they don't know what they're doing. Why would you want to initiate contact if there's no attraction on your part? If they contact you, just tell them you're not interested and leave it at that. Just a tip, block free members and check certs.
100's of messages, no response
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > 100's of messages, no response       05-21-2013 15:13 PM
Wow, that was quick! His wife must have stumbled onto his browsing history.
Certifications
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Certifications       05-11-2013 19:01 PM
“most of the rationales were somewhat along the lines that they didn’t want anyone to know who they’d played with” Yikes, if they’re embarrassed about whom they’ve playing with, it's not a good sign. We don't request certs, nor do we offer them, however if someone certs us and we had a great time, we will accept their cert and cert them back. Certs go a long way in establishing credibility, especially when we know the ones doing the certing. We had a creepy experience with a couple when we were newbies. They'd been on SLS for several years and had no certs, so we're biased in favor of certs. I suspect even the most ardent detractors of certs still read them and find them useful when screening profiles. Ask yourself this question: Would you feel more comfortable contacting someone with 6 or 7 good certs from people you've met, or someone with no certs?
Here's a Profile Gem!
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Here's a Profile Gem!       05-09-2013 16:59 PM
Yep, that was the one! Bet they're going to be at home watching TV on Saturday night, lol.
Here's a Profile Gem!
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Here's a Profile Gem!       05-09-2013 14:34 PM
I ran across this in a profile the other day and just had to pass it along. OK, profile has no pics, In the profile they state "we won't post any pictures because we have REAL jobs". Wow, I guess the 95% of us with pictures don't have REAL jobs, ROFL!
scams
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > First Contact > scams       05-05-2013 17:41 PM
No, she was not real. Probably a married guy with a free profile and no certs posing as a woman. When you're new it's a good idea to block free members and not to chat with anyone you haven't met in person. If anyone tries to lure you off site or asks for pics through gmail or yahoo, it's a big red flag. Beware of members that have been on several years and still don't have any certs, and keep communication down to just what's necessary to set up a meeting in person and you'll weed out most of the fakes and flakes. Welcome to the fora!
Getting nothing but trying
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Getting nothing but trying       05-04-2013 22:31 PM
Do a forum search for "unicorn" and you'll get an idea of what you're up against. Wish we had a dime for every newbie couple we've seen looking for a SF,ROFL.
Are swingers the rudest most inconsiderate people out there Part 2
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Are swingers the rudest most inconsiderate people out there Part 2       05-04-2013 10:31 AM
What they did was wrong, I can't see where one more couple would make a difference between a large vs. small party. My guess is hubby jumped the gun and invited you guys before checking with the wifey, wifey has some issue and tells hubby you've got to go. Bottom line is that you should have never been "univited", that's socially unacceptable in any walk of life. You're an attractive couple and you live in an area with a lot of lifestyle activity, I would move on and forget those guys. BTW, if we didn't have an address and phone number by noon we would have made other plans.
Looking in OH- are there signs
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Looking in OH- are there signs       05-03-2013 13:53 PM
That's the universal signal indicating they're swingers. You guys really blew your chance.
How important is kissing in the lifestyle and do you all do it
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > How important is kissing in the lifestyle and do you all do it       04-25-2013 19:58 PM
We were trying to stay out of the fray but the OP is so off the wall we couldn't resist. Trying to picture a LTR with someone without kissing... Glory hole perhaps? As the female in a couple you can impose any rules you want on a SM if he's willing to sacrifice his dignity. We're not attracted to submissive guys and would not be attracted to anyone that would agree to such nonsense. Swinging in it's truest sense involves multiple partners. Sounds like you're not there yet. What you're describing is probably closer to polyamory. That's not a problem, but you might find more support in the poly forum. As has been said here so well many times, how can you suck a guy's dick, yet not be willing to kiss him? If sucking his dick won't make him fall in love, you have nothing to worry about kissing.
How do we find a hot chick for a threesome
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > How do we find a hot chick for a threesome       04-11-2013 21:47 PM
Amen eands. We tried CL and got 100 responses from SM's posing as females for every legit female response. Unfortunately, the few real females were not a match for us. Maybe it's different in other areas or some peoples standards aren't so high. Oh well, the search goes on.
Hot Date Rant
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Hot Date Rant       04-10-2013 17:06 PM
We live in a tourist area and it's not uncommon to have 6 or 8 hot date listings on any given weekend night. What amazes us is how many listings either don't have any pictures, or don't have pictures of the guy. Who the hell would contact someone with no pics? And we all know what happens when we have to ask for pics of the dude, all of a sudden something came up on that Saturday night we said we were free, lol.
How to keep from being discouraged
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > How to keep from being discouraged       04-10-2013 16:46 PM
There are lots of fakes and flakes out there that take great delight in stringing newbies along. We had our share when we were starting out. In the beginning it's best to block free members and avoid members that have been on over a year or two and still have no certs, or just M&G certs. Not that they're all bad people, just that many tend to be time wasters or scammers. For starters, search out the couples you see signed up for most of the parties and that have several good certs indicating that they actually play. When you set up a meeting, go into it with the intention of playing that night. Most people your age still have kids at home, so if you don't strike while the iron is hot you may not get another chance. Once you meet a few legitimate couples they'll introduce you to others, and before you know it you'll be in the "in" crowd. Whatever you do, never lower your standards.
First Time watching
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > First Time watching       04-10-2013 15:08 PM
Just like it was the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th times.
Are we THAT bad or is it the profile
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Are we THAT bad or is it the profile       04-10-2013 07:44 AM
Your screen name may have something to do with it. We would pass you by without reading your profile based on that alone. If you're really into the dom thing, leave it the way it is, if not, you might consider changing your screen name the next time your membership comes up for renewal.
Be honest - I would respect you more
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Be honest - I would respect you more       04-10-2013 07:26 AM
Welcome to the wonderful world of chat! You've just learned why we usually only chat with people we've met in person, lol.
Thinking
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Thinking       04-08-2013 21:20 PM
You're in a tough area, very conservative with lots of retirees. When we were in your area we had to reach out to Savannah and Charleston and still didn't have much luck. There are a few good couples at PI, but they're very skittish and tend to keep to themselves. A party sounds like it would be a good icebreaker. There is a club in Summerville you might try out called Low Country Desires. When we went there were about 50 or 60 couples and everyone seemed very friendly.
Yea or nay signals
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Yea or nay signals       04-07-2013 12:45 PM
Haveyou, We really like that idea! We rely on the stinkeye method, lol. Your method is a bit more subtile.
Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner       04-07-2013 11:45 AM
Yeah, I about fell over when I saw that post! Sounds like the stuff that goes on at AFF, lol!
verified option
FORUMS > Suggestions > Website > verified option       04-07-2013 09:13 AM
In our area it's getting somewhat common for "vanilla swingers" to chat at M&G's or parties and pass certs around like breath mints. A real cert should indicate not only that you are real, but more importantly, that you really play at your stated level and don't have ED, drama, etc. Those things can't be determined by spending an hour with a couple at a M&G or by holding up a cardboard sign. We've seen the "labeling" defense come up in other threads and still don't understand it. If you're ashamed of your playmates, be more selective. If you don't want other swingers to know that you actually swing, then what's the point of being on this website?
We're gonna do what they say can't be one (well we did)
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > We're gonna do what they say can't be one (well we did)       04-06-2013 11:30 AM
Unicorn, I see that you are new. Did you know that you can block SM's?
Not quite swinging, not quite Not Swinging
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Not quite swinging, not quite Not Swinging       04-05-2013 20:12 PM
Sounds like a fun idea if we were comfortable with the couple and had played with them several times, but there's no way I'd let my wife run off into the night with someone we just met. You've been on SLS for a long time, why not try it out with some current playmates?
No one responds to sent messages
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > No one responds to sent messages       04-05-2013 10:15 AM
Could be several reasons. Are you opening your private pics when you send mail? Just the public eyeball shot would not elicit a response from us. Are you contacting people with your same general body type? Your weight shows as zero, why make people guess? That's a red flag to some. Finally, sometimes it takes time to get a response, it's not uncommon for our mail to sit a week or two until we both have time to read it and check out the profile. You could benefit by having your profile reviewed in the "Better Profiles" thread, you'll get some good tips there that will increase your response rate. Good luck and be patient!
A cheating husband
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > A cheating husband       04-03-2013 11:18 AM
Wow. I guess that while she was the gorgeous extrovert spending 20 years of her life raising kids and cleaning the house you had no problems with her. Now that she's got some years on her (and maybe a few pounds) you're no longer satisfied because she doesn't feel like having wild sex all the time. Taking care of your needs behind her back is not the answer. You need to take down your profile until she either gives you a hall pass or divorces you.
How do we find a hot chick for a threesome
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > How do we find a hot chick for a threesome       04-03-2013 10:54 AM
Welcome funlovin! It's usually a good idea to keep your vanilla life separate from the lifestyle. Although we also have vanilla friends we suspect would be interested in playing, we would never approach them about playing or even hint at being more than friends with them. If you misread friendliness for sexual attraction things can get ugly in a hurry and it can ruin a friendship. Ex friends will have no problem spreading the word about how you wanted to "swing" with them so be prepared to explain being in the lifestyle to friends and family. Your safest bet for meeting like minded people is to stick to SLS and go to parties and M&G's.
Does Single 21 year old males have any luck on SLS
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Does Single 21 year old males have any luck on SLS       03-30-2013 13:15 PM
To the OP, it's not so much age as it is street cred. Certs will def put you on our radar. In our personal experience, little boys usually don't have the experience or technique required to sufficiently pleasure a more mature woman.
The seduction scenario
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > The seduction scenario       03-29-2013 05:03 AM
You made the right choice by distancing yourself from that BS. It's more common on CL than SLS yet we still see it here as well. You can be sure that it's a dude with a wife that has no interest in the lifestyle but he thinks he can "turn" her. Stay far away from that s&*t at all cost. D R A M A!
our profile please view and let us know
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > our profile please view and let us know       03-28-2013 11:06 AM
Seriously, you need some pictures. If that's non-negotiable you're probably wasting your money on a paid membership. You may think it's BS, but no response IS in fact a response, get used to it and take that line out of your profile, especially since you don't have pictures. Also take out the warning at the end of your profile, it's meaningless. Seeing that you're taking a break, along with the fact that the wife won't let you post pictures leads us to believe that she may not really be into this in the first place...
Out of the loop
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Out of the loop       03-28-2013 05:58 AM
I wouldn't take it too personally. There could be several legitimate reasons for not inviting you. Bottom line is that they obviously felt that you were not a good fit for the rest of the group at the party. Maybe they're into bi fems, 420, or whatever. Remain cordial and if it really bugs you, just ask them why you weren't invited.
picture approval
FORUMS > Suggestions > Website > picture approval       03-26-2013 19:17 PM
yeah, it sucks but try AFF or others of that ilk and you'll really appreciate what you have here in spite of the glitches.
picture approval
FORUMS > Suggestions > Website > picture approval       03-26-2013 18:03 PM
Those of us that have been here on SLS a few years are used to the pic glitches, they happen on a fairly regular basis and we just roll with it. Is it professional? probably not, are we going to drop our membership? Oh hell no! We are members on at least a dozen other sites and this site has been by far the most productive as far as finding real people that want to play. We can't speak for other areas, but in our area, SLS is the gold standard.
Newbies Questions
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Newbies Questions       03-26-2013 14:36 PM
Could be just nerves or it could indicate a more serious medical problem. At your age you shouldn't be having any issues, especially with a couple of attractive naked women in the room. You should have a doc check you out, elevated blood pressure could be causing your symptoms and it's best to catch and treat it early. Welcome to the fora!
Whatever happened to good ole' fashioned common courtesy!!
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Whatever happened to good ole' fashioned common courtesy!!       03-25-2013 07:39 AM
Coastal, success is also a function of location. We spent several months in your area just over a year ago and found the pickings were very slim. On top of that, the area is known for it's transient nature, as we're sure you're aware. Don't get discouraged.
Is Swinging Social or Sexual
FORUMS > General Discussions > Straight Couples > Is Swinging Social or Sexual       03-21-2013 09:32 AM
We know couples that go to every party and M&G in town and have been in the lifestyle for years, yet have never swapped. For them swinging is strictly social. On the other end of the spectrum we've had couples walk up and ask us to join them in the play room without even asking our names. Personally we lean more toward the strictly sexual end of the spectrum but we still enjoy socializing a bit.
Background in photos
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Background in photos       03-16-2013 17:42 PM
We're probably on a dozen other sites as free members, including AFF. This is the only site we're active on because we have the best results here. The whole point is to get your profile out in front of as many potential playmates as possible. Of course you should never post anything on the internet, especially pictures, that you don't want someone to see. Like wanna, we are who we are, and if the neighbors find out and don't like it they can move. We're not ashamed of what we do, the only difference between us and them is that we actually fulfill our fantasies, they only dream.
69
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > 69       03-16-2013 17:07 PM
Kind of like listing your weight as O. Most searches are by age and many couples have a 50 yo cutoff so listing yourself as 69 means you're not really looking for anybody. We find the much bigger problem is with the ones that list themselves as 49 to make the cut, yet are obviously much older.
cuddling
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > cuddling       03-15-2013 11:10 AM
Just saying that in our experience, there is a big difference between what's erotic and what comes across as clingy. Kissing before and during sex is very erotic, cuddling after sex is clingy. There are as many levels in the lifestyle as there are participants. Some just want NSA sex and don't even want to know your name, and the other extreme wants to date you for several months then move in with you and meet your family before they will "make love". Where you are on that scale determines what makes you comfortable. We differentiate between cuddling and afterplay. Cuddling is emotional, afterplay is sexual. They look the same, but are totally different.
fu***ng vs lovemaking
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > fu***ng vs lovemaking       03-15-2013 10:07 AM
The day you feel an emotional connection with a playmate is the day you need to do everyone a favor and back out of the lifestyle until you get your perspective back.
cuddling
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > cuddling       03-15-2013 09:54 AM
Have to agree, we're just here for sport sex. Cuddling with someone else would be kind of creepy and might indicate other issues in your relationship you may need to address.
Elective Surgery
FORUMS > General Discussions > Senior Swingers > Elective Surgery       03-15-2013 09:38 AM
So far we've not had to go for any "alterations" but we totally support your decision. We are attracted to others that take pride in their appearance, be it the way they dress, or a nip and tuck. There will always be haters, usually the same ones that will show up for a date overweight and wearing dirty jeans and t-shirts and get pissed off because you don't want to play. You can't please everyone all the time so concentrate on those you want to please.
New couple trying to get started
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > New couple trying to get started       03-14-2013 19:10 PM
Looking for a single woman when you have a four line profile and no pics or certs is a certainly a lofty goal. Keep in mind that finding a match in the lifestyle is harder than finding a vanilla date so you need to bring your A game, starting with your profile . We wish you luck with your search!
Wife is only here for husband
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > Wife is only here for husband       03-14-2013 14:17 PM
When it was obvious the other woman was not interested in playing with you would have been the right time to pull the plug, grab your wife and leave. Sounds like a set up where the couple only wanted the play with your female half and they were hoping you'd sit out while they all had fun. You did check out their certs, right?
disappearing couple
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > disappearing couple       03-13-2013 22:44 PM
Or his wife found out...
Is it better to be specific with preferences in your profile or more general
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Is it better to be specific with preferences in your profile or more general       03-13-2013 21:32 PM
Hey Wanna, don't think we'd lower our standards even if we were on a desert island. Don't know what kind of tourist action there is where you are, but that may be an option. We know for sure that if you were here in our zip code your dance card would be full.
What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men       03-13-2013 21:15 PM
We agree Wanna, first off, we're past the age where we give a shit, and second, if someone recognizes us here or at a party, well, what the hell were they doing there in the first place? lol. We don't post public face pics yet (coming soon, yeah!) because we still have a kid in school and well, we all know how teenage boys are... or at least we hope they are, lol. And yes, we've run into friends from the vanilla world at parties and I make it a point to say hi to them. Wife calls it being a dick, I say it's just being real.
Profile advice
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Better Profiles > Profile advice       03-13-2013 20:30 PM
Get some certs and you should be very successful, especially with that accent!
Not for us
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > Not for us       03-13-2013 20:22 PM
Just like in the vanilla world, everyone you date is not going to be a match. Glad to hear your second attempt was a success!
What does not compatible mean when you haven't talked or met
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > What does not compatible mean when you haven't talked or met       03-13-2013 20:15 PM
We're always horizontal friends before we become vertical friends, lol. Just our preference. We've met other couples that are just the opposite but that's what makes the lifestyle so interesting!
Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner       03-13-2013 20:07 PM
Nothing wrong with flirting here on the fora, in fact it's kind of sexy. There is no expectation of actually meeting here. However if you're local, it has a whole different connotation. On the local level it can sometimes be hard to sort out the flirts from those interested in actually meeting and consummating a relationship.
What does not compatible mean when you haven't talked or met
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > What does not compatible mean when you haven't talked or met       03-13-2013 14:36 PM
We use the term "not interested", however "not compatible" would be accurate as well since it's pretty easy to know if someone is physically compatible without any need to meet.
Has anyone seen this And is it potentially a good idea
FORUMS > Successful Swinging > Finding Playmates > Has anyone seen this And is it potentially a good idea       03-11-2013 19:22 PM
Swingers recognize other swingers. Use this site to hook up with legit swingers. Rings are a waste of time.
What is with people who IM you but then don't say anything
FORUMS > General Discussions > Swinger Advice > What is with people who IM you but then don't say anything       03-11-2013 17:49 PM
Single dude with several conversations going. Just wait your turn.
What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men       03-11-2013 17:33 PM
We respect a couples choice to dangle the hot wife's pics out there for bait. However it does not change the fact that, at least in our case, the woman is making the ultimate decision and will have to eventually see the dude. Why not just cut to the chase? It doesn't matter if your wife is on the cover of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, if wifely is not feeling it for the guy, it's not happening. Just saying. Unless, of course, it's a take one for the team kind of deal....
Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner
FORUMS > General Discussions > 3-Some > Have you ever developed feelings for a play partner       03-11-2013 17:09 PM
Well said Sav, not sure even what a "bed post notcher" is but it always seems to be used with a negative connotation. We are our own best friends and we're happy with that. Not looking for new bff's and friendship is never a requirement for good sex. Naughty brings up a good point, seems like way too many here are just flirting, lots of smoke, but no fire.
What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men       03-11-2013 08:02 AM
From experience, when there are no pics of the guy he is in fact a troll at best, ashamed of himself at least.
What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men
FORUMS > General Discussions > Getting Started > What is up with everyone's profiles not having pics of the men       03-11-2013 07:49 AM
Right. Good luck with that.
Pussy and ass Spanking
FORUMS > General Discussions > Senior Swingers > Pussy and ass Spanking       03-09-2013 11:38 AM
Ask them.