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Sexual Diversity and the Challenge of Male Bi-Sexuality : Swingers Discussion 90889
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FORUMSThe Bi Sexual SwingerBi MalesSexual Diversity and the Challenge of Male Bi-Sexuality
TOPIC: Sexual Diversity and the Challenge of Male Bi-Sexuality
Created by: ZingaroDeForio The original post for this thread was deleted.
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******* DandJ4play... you are completely right about Tort... she is so open to listen and not hurt our feelings, be as aggressive or as offensive as others do... *******

I'll second that :)

Philadelphia PA
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Thank you Tort, for your open and frank conversation in the forum here. It's a pleasure to be able to discuss something as provocative and so often hidden as male bisexuality. From you I've received nothing but sensible, sensitive, direct, open, and warm discussion. You are what makes posting in forums rewarding even when at times others attempt to make it unpleasant.

Enosburg Falls VT
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I do not perceive anyone pushing anyone here to do anything. Not sure where the different impression comes from. If someone doesn't wanna, they should do what they want. Speaking for myself, I am a strong believer in only doing what I want to do and support everyone in that regard.

Indianapolis IN
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Mrs. Tort, I do see how you read it that way. Let me try again. The programming that affects virtually all of us toward male/male sexual activity is negative. It is insidious and pervasive. Some of us for whatever reason do not heed that programming but try the taboo sexuality. Whether your husband has freed himself from that programming and simply has no interest in male/male sexual activity I have no way of knowing. How do we determine if we are completely free from that programming? I don't think I'm entirely free from it even though I've sucked more than one cock and enjoyed it.

My question is how do you know your husband is totally uninterested in bisexuality rather than being affected in some way by some of the residuals of that programming? I definitely feel those residuals within myself. Are some people simply free of the effects of that programming? In my experience I've yet to meet a person wholly unaffected by society's negative attitude toward bisexuality or homosexuality.

Society is also generally negative toward the lifestyle. Do most people not swing because they have no interest in it? Or does that negative societal pressure play a part?

Enosburg Falls VT
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It's fascinating how how each person interprets posts, sometimes very differently from what the poster intended. In my case the sad I wrote about was that our society so thoroughly demeans male/male activity, imprinting us all with that negativity in ways we often don't realize. Those of us who have slipped out from underneath that negative programming see it in a different perspective, though the effects still remain within us. Because it's still within us, it's a safe assumption that it is also within those who are happily not exploring male/male sexuality.

Another sad is that my words were interpreted as pushing anyone toward male/male activity. Pushing is what bi and gays receive in spades. Pushing is what enters even into forums titled Sexual Diversity and the Challenge of Male Bisexuality. Pushing against male/male activity is powerful.

The pushing I'm guilty of is pushing the understanding of how society is so negative toward male/male activity, pushing understanding that even bi and gay males often felt negative toward male bisexuality in the beginning. We also were inprinted with the negative atittude toward it. Many gay males especially are pushed to hide it, keep it in the closet, some have been pushed to suicide because they can't integrate their sexuality with what society teaches or how people treat them after it's out of the closet.

The push here is for understanding. Too many have been forced into actions considered straight and good by society that do not ring true for those individuals. It wears deeply on those attracted to the same sex. The psychological weight some bear is intense.

Pushing to understand is very different than pushing to have sex. Too often, though, pushing to understand a different sexuality is interpreted as pushing that sexuality on someone. By saying I and others felt the "No, no, no." toward male/male sexual activity at one time and suggesting it may be similar to your husband's feelings was an attempt to further understanding of how sometimes even deeply held feelings can change. It was not meant as a push that he must be the same. It did suggest that it is within the realm of human possibility that he could experience the same.

Enosburg Falls VT
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I don't know about everyone else, but I like seeing hot woman supporting bi males.

Indianapolis IN
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I agree, it’s ignorant to think you can convert someone, just like some men who think that they can convert a gay women to like men again, people should stop worrying about what other people do, and just enjoy what makes them happy. I hear men say “give me an hour with her, she’ll like men again” I have to laugh at their stupidity.

Not all men want to try it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, even if his wife wants to see it or not. After all not all women get off watching two women together. I also don’t believe a man or women should be with the same sex just because the spouse would like to see that because it turns them on.

Me personally, I’ve tried it for the first time cause I was curious what my wife would go thru going down on me, after I did it, it didn’t bother me one bit afterwards and only thought of it as sex, I do not have any kind of attraction towards men, if I was to see a couple walking down the street, I’ll only look at the woman and wouldn’t even know what color cloths he had on. Cause my sexual preference is still women.

I could never kiss another man, or be in a relationship with one. But I do understand that some men are worried that if he tells his wife about his desires, that she will think of him as less of a man.

Philadelphia PA
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Thanks so much for the insight and thoughtful conversation. I have found it interesting to read so much from each side of the spectrum. i.e. The women and men's comments make me want to act my fantasies into realities!

Happyman...

Lake Shore MD
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What is sad is the anti male/male sexual programing most of us receive during our lives that may prevent many from even thinking about trying something so delicious. Tort and Poly, don't you think I and many of those who have finally tried male/male touch and taste had the same "not me!" feelings as your husbands? Zingaro's post before this one details how he made the leap from "not me!" to hmmm, this is different than what all that programming lead me to believe. Most of us had the same initial "No, no, no!" reactions as your husbands have. The sad part is how that initial reaction is forced upon us by society's pressure and programming before we have a chance to actually male our own choice.

Never would I suggest forcing or pressuring your husband outside of his comfort zone, or he you. What I find sad is that the anti male/male "comfort zone" was forced on most of us males at a very young age, before we had a choice in our sexuality. The choice I finally was able to make for myself runs counter to what is considered "normal", and could only be done by energetically casting off the idea it is abnormal. I and those who've made a similar choice are continually reminded it is not fully accepted. That is what is sad.

What I'm saying is that I have some sense of how your husbands feel, because I felt it too and believe most of us who have tried bi felt it also, before making this choice ourselves, rather than having our choice be colored by peer pressure or upbringing.

Enosburg Falls VT
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Nicely put Poly...

Sorry we didn't have an opportunity to meet you guys before we left Jersey :)

If you're husband opens up to the bi thing, we might have to take a trip back up!

Tarpon Springs FL
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TOPIC: Sexual Diversity and the Challenge of Male Bi-Sexuality