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TOPIC: Double_standard_when_it_comes_to_bi_guys_in_the_lifestyle
Created by: silksheets
Original Starting post for this thread:
It is pretty interesting how in this lifestyle bi males are looked at in a negative way and bi females are accepted and encouraged? We can tell you that 99% of the couples who contact us their profiles claims the male to be straight but the email to us says he is bi this is pretty sad that people feel they can not be honest and need to lie to be looked at in a positive way! So many people in this lifestyle claim they are open minded but refuse to even engage in email with a couple who have a bi male? Why do they think all bi males are disease ridden and bi females are looked at in a totally positive light?

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I think it boils down to this: male bisexuality represents a threatening contradiction of traditional gender identities which are still accepted today that is threatening to both men and women, except to those who are really aware, understanding and secure in their own sexuality. Bi women do not represent the same threat. My theory is this has to do with the the traditional ingrained gender roles we've all been indoctrinated into, where masculinity implies dominance and aggression and femininity implies nurturing and submission. For two men to have sex with each other, the traditional gender role model is broken. If both men are aggressive and dominating that isn't sex, it's a fistfight. So one of them must take the submissive role and compromise his masculinity. Or both men could follow a new paradigm of masculinity in which their relationship is more complex and both can be assertive or reactive at different times to complement each other. This is I believe how most gay and lesbian relationships work unless one partner is very dominant and the other very submissive, which is the way a lot of straight folks think all gay relationships work. I don't think many straight men and women are familiar with the new paradigm, so to be a bi man is really to be gay in their minds, to be gay and have an interest in women is mind boggling and what cannot be understood is threatening.

Brooklyn NY
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Always loved this reply from a lady listed as Bi,

"Bi men gross me out."

Cape Coral FL
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It's not just that way in the lifestyle, it's that way in life period! Bi women are more accepted because heterosexual men have over sexualized female bisexuality and lets face it we all know what they're really hoping for is a 3 some. We should take some responsibility as well for not being vocal critics of those who think it's ok to bash us or worse tell us we don't even exist. I personally don't give a fuck who thinks what anymore.

Chesapeake VA
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I think it is a matter of perception. Most bi guy couples are just looking for a guy who isn't touchphobic. The guys in these couples are mostly looking to touch, feel, maybe suck. The guys making out, kissing, is rare - although I am comfortable doing this if this is what the couple wants. Actual penetration, one guy mounting, topping, the other guy is few and far between. Just like it seems that most biF biF action I have seen at parties does not include strap-on play. Giving oral, fingering, using toys, yes.

Ithaca NY
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Cur & Wild, Thank you. These are the attitudes and points of view that should be in the LS but are sadly missing a good deal of the time. Rick

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CurEUs_Cpl I appreciate your comments. Should I travel your way again I will be sure to get in touch. Worst case is that I make some new friends. ;) The very best of wishes to you.

Macomb MI
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I love the touch of another man. Can be very rewarding

Columbia MD
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CurEUs_cpl, Thanks for chiming in with your support. I couldn't agree with you more.

Knightdale NC
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I was thinking "Oh no, here we go again" when I saw this topic pop to the top of the list, again, and then I see WildWillow... a single straight woman and my interest peaked!

Willow, thank you for the comments. I know a few bi, single folks that find it very difficult to meet opposite sex partners with your point of view. If you were in MD/DC area, I would be thrilled to know you and be able to introduce you to some bi people that are heartbroken because they cannot find open minded, well adjusted women. You give people hope.

Thanks for wandering into a generally male oriented forum and sharing your open minded ways :)

Reisterstown MD
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Well stated WildWillow, I thoroughly agree with you.

Knightdale NC
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TOPIC: Double standard when it comes to bi guys in the lifestyle
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