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What does it mean to be Bi and married : Swingers Discussion 1032071011
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TOPIC: What does it mean to be Bi and married
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Here's something I talked to my ex-wife about when I came out to her and we got to talking about my needs: If I'm craving cock, it stands to reason there's nothing she can do about it because she isn't equipped to deal with that need. I know many couples who have struggled with this and, yeah, it can get ugly. It's hard enough coming out, even harder trying to put what you feel into words, all the while assuring the startled partner that the need or feelings doesn't have anything to do with a lack of satisfaction with said partner. Not to insult anyone's intelligence, but some straight people just don't get it; they hear "bi" and think "gay" and that's so far from the truth it isn't funny. Nor do they understand that there are different degrees of being bisexual, from simply being touched by a member of the same sex to doing the whole nine yards. Sadly, there are those who only choose to look at the negatives where this is concerned.

Once my ex-wife and I revealed that we were both bi, we learned that we had a lot more in common than we originally thought - we both shared a love for pussy and dick. For us, being bi and married did nothing but enhance what we already had.

In the end, it's about being honest with your spouse and, most of all, being honest with yourself. When you take the vows, it's for better or for worse and if you truly love the one who has come out, it's up to you to stay on the better side of that deal. And, remember, just because you can or want to do it, you don't have to. For the straight and, perhaps, shocked partner, keep in mind that it's not about you or being dissatisfied with what's currently on the menu - it's about how the other person is thinking and feeling.

Hope it turns out well for you both!

Rob

Newark DE
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Okay I so totally agree with what you wrote. So what I'd like to know is...Why should it only be FMF or MFMF? It is only fair to have the MFM experience too. I LOVE cock too, so why not experience it all? So yeah gotta talk more with him about this. = )

Woodland CA
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PS I returned all the gifts. She ended up quite "psycho" about things.

San Antonio TX
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We're always checking out the same types of women...and teasing each other about it. I too prefer no labels other than "sexual."

If I WASN'T married to the man I am married to, I wouldn't be able to be as free with my bisexuality as I can be. My second experience with a bi female led to her falling in love w/ me and buying me tons of stuff, emailing and calling and writing me love letters constantly, and just freaking me out. She told Dan that he wasn't letting me live to my true nature and that really I wanted to be with her exclusively. He jsut laughed at that, because he knows me better than anyone. And ultimately, he was the one who helped me tell her that I couldn't see her anymore...I just couldn't set those boundaries for myself at first because she overran them every time. I was so new to the lifestyle that I had a hard time saying NO and making it stick. He was my anchor, and took the fall for me.

So...it could be considered a negative experience, but it was not, b/c I learned more about myself, and I also learned how to stand up for myself better. I love my husband, crave his cock (and others' cocks!), and also crave women too.

There's the word: "too" ie...in addition to.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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"I see no reason to have to choose one or the other and neither does my mate, so I don't wonder what if?"

Agreed, Playboys where a source of great interest. I LOVED looking at them. I was 10 when I would cruise the women's dressing room at the "Y" hoping to get a glimpse.

There is no reason to choose..Because I have already make my choice. Enough said.

M

Glen Burnie MD
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SNG:

Did you see the grid with preferences? The way you have been, the way you fantasize, and your ideal choices. That's an interesting one too. The grid helps. While what Simba said can be true about what sex you marry it's not that easy.

We (bi folks) don't always deal with our bisexual feelings until we are in our 30's. By that time, we may be married to a man or a woman and have no intention of leaving them...even though our preference for new partners may be the opposite sex from our current partner. In other words, we don't love, desire, our current partner any less because we have realized our preference may be different.

I'm a good example. Had I been able to grow up bisexual, instead of being approached by men..I could be married to a chick. It wasn't easy to find women back then. Instead, I married two men. The second one being a gem. :)

I finally decided to act on my latent bisexuality and told my hubby. When I found a lady..thank you internet. He was very happy for me. There was NO WAY I would ever change my life plans with him...just to marry a woman. That was 15 years ago. It causes problems because the women seem to always want me to marry them in the end. When I refuse, they leave. C has not left. She still pines about me marrying her, but it's not going to happen. So far she has seem fit to stay...much to my glee.

This is a complicated issue. Relax and enjoy looking at the ladies. They are always fun to watch.. ;)

M.

Glen Burnie MD
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"How can I be Bi and be married to a man? "

The only alternative is being married to a woman. Being Bi means you like both ...so you could be married to either one. Usually, Bi women favor one sex more than the other and that is who they marry. I'm bi...but prefer men over women.

Mountain Ranch CA
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If my hubby didn't want me to play with other females, then I wouldn't. Thankfully, my hubby is not that selfish and would never ask me to deny myself of who I am.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Hi ladies,

I can't thank you enough for the replies and helpful insights. Mischief made some very good points for me. I do believe I have to take some more time to think about where I am and where I'm going to be in this.

I've known for many years that I'm bi, but now I'm trying to understand what that really means for me. Also I did go and take that grid test, and I fell where I thought I would be about 4. Thankfully my husband is being so great in listening and understand that it is a confusing for me right now. I realized that I need to be careful not to make him feel left out in this.

Thank you guys again for your help.

Flemington NJ
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I have been married 24 years-this time. I have a female partner of almost 8 years. I have been "bi" since I was 20. I look at being bi this way. I really prefer the term sexual to bisexual. I am sexual with people not genitals. It's the person I'm interested in. I understand where you are and here's what happened to me.

Sure I can do without sex entirely and live to a ripe old age. I can also do without one or the other sex also. These are not needs but wants. However, I determined not to deny myself the love of a woman or a man. Life is too short. Men provide things women don't. Women provide things men don't. They are not the same.

Ask your hubby if a man could replace you? Of course not. It's just different. Tell him it's the same with you. Heterosexual guys understand why women are sooooo compelling. There's a lot of learning to do when you realize that bisexuality is something that you might identify with. Suddenly all the things society teaches about sex is kind of twisted. It's not that simple anymore.

BTW, it's perfectly natural to desire to be accepted for who you are by your friends, parents, and other special people in your life. The only problem with coming "out"? Folks will ask you a ton of questions you may not be prepared to answer currently.

There are several books on bisexuality. There are some very good websites on bisexuality. Look up Fritz Klein's website. Bisexuality is not a 50/50 thing. There's a gradient of sexual preferences. It goes from zero to six. I'm a 5.

Here's the take home.. There is NO rush to figure things out. Things will change over time. There is no right/wrong way to be bisexual or anything else. Just be yourself and relax. It will come to you in time...about where you fit in all of this.

One of the questions I really love? When did you decide you are bisexual? I usually reply with a question. When did you decide you were heterosexual?

Keep us posted... smiles.

Mischief been this way a long, long time.

Glen Burnie MD
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TOPIC: What does it mean to be Bi and married