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bi males and honesty : Swingers Discussion 2043901051
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FORUMSThe Bi Sexual SwingerBi Couplesbi males and honesty
TOPIC: bi males and honesty
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OK, back to the point of the OP.

ncsexy - you are not an example of who we are discussing. You say you have it in your profile that you sometimes play bi (have not looked - taking your word for it). The point of the OP is different.

If a man is listed only as straight, then sets up a meeting with us on the pretense that he is bi (only in private conversation), then we rent the hotel room only to find out he is lying just to use her while I watch, that is abuse of the system.

How is it considered cruel for us to screen out the ones who are not being honest? It seems to be the best way to protect ourselves. It certainly hasn't limited our play time (since we don't play often anyway).

I can sympathize with the men who have straight friends on a swing site and don't want to be outed by them by changing their profile, but I can only go so far. Now many guys are using a similar excuse, including the ones who are abusing the system to try and get laid.

The problem in that case is with the straight friends in question. We are not here to protect their prejudice. One wonders why you would be friends with someone who wouldn't accept you for who you are.

Being blunt now --

If being bi is something you can't admit to people and still live your life the way you want to, that is their problem. We'd love to help (really, the point of all of this is to help educate people in the LS and remove the stigma eventually), but we have other guys ruining the process of accepting you because they are assholes and only want to get to the girl of the bi couple.

If you are a bi male it is your job to garner acceptance for yourself. You may choose to live in secret and you can expect people to honor that choice, but you may not expect people to affect their own lives (in a negative way - such as opening themselves up to abuse) to accommodate it.

We are not being cruel or bigoted by not meeting with people who are essentially lying to us. (see above that we are talking about a specific set of abusers before you get out the torches and pitchforks)

We are tolerant of everyone's lifestyle and choices of kink. Being dishonest in one's profile presentation is not a valid lifestyle. There's straight, bi-curious, bi and gay. There is no category for "bi but listed straight to deceive people who can't handle being around a bi person" Be straight - fine. Be bi- fine. Be closeted bi - also fine.

But insist that we must not only accept the closeted bi male BUT ALSO correspond with them with the intent of playing with them just like anyone else?

Nope, that goes too far. That is our choice and no one else's. If that is not what you meant, then please clarify.

Waterloo IA
 
 
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I think we all know that more than half of men have bi tendency, or more. It is a double standard and social stigma.

I'm listed as straight. I also add in our narrative that I am 'situationally bi'. We play with male straight couples all the time. I respect thier limits.

Look, this is a problem for most men, to slam the door on them is just plain cruel if not biggoted. Show some compassion and acceptance is the best way to address the social stigma.

On the other hand if they list as straight and behave poorly and offend straight folks, well deal with the behavior but being cruel to them is , IMHO, worse then listing as sraight.

Mooresville NC
 
 
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"I think someone - probably Freud! - once argued that we all are bi by nature, but are conditioned to the "straight" way of thinking." ============== I firmly agree. We're all born bi, anything esle is learned behaviour, and can be unlearned by anyone who chooses to do so. I've see the transformation in myself and in others. I think those who go around pounding their chests bragging about how 100% straight they are probably had a "George Castanza" moment somewhere in their lives. "It moved", lol.

Osterburg PA
 
 
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Joey - and that action (showing them the door) serves our purpose very well except for one thing.

We do not host at our respective places yet - we have not been comfortable enough with anyone or known them long enough to do so. So, we rent hotel rooms for play. Not counting the standups after which we have been able to cancel the reservation, getting to play time and having to show the guy the door means we are out $19.

OK fine we don't rent the $19 room but maybe we should. :)

Waterloo IA
 
 
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We overlook the profile tags now and just make it clear in conversation what we are looking for.

If in the end when we meet they were lying about their bi interest we have no problem showing the door.

We will play with a straight guy, but thats not always what we are looking for, and usually not our first preference. So if someone says theyre ok with bi play then thats what we expect.

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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"Since bi has such a broad range, everyone is lumped into the same category. And that category is avoided by a lot of people."

I think someone - probably Freud! - once argued that we all are bi by nature, but are conditioned to the "straight" way of thinking. I know that goes against the excepted view that orientation is innate, but it fits my experience in life. I know too many "straight" guys who watch porn and are just as fascinated by the cocks and cum as they are by the tits and ass :-)

I do not do anal, with men or women, and I am primarily attracted to women, but love to play with cocks and cum, and I like men as friends as much as I like women; ipso facto, I am bi, in my view of things.

I agree that this is not as private a site as people think, but I've reached the stage where I do not care if I am "outed" somehow. Others have not, and that is their decision. As far as I am concerned, "straight" on a profile means potentially bi, and that will come out in conversation. I am chary of thinking someone is a habitual "liar" just because they are a bit cautious.

N Versailles PA
 
 
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And that's all anyone needs to know. You need to be comfortable in the lifestyle with not only lifestyle friends but also non lifestyle friends outing you. You shouild be the one to out yourself.

Port St Lucie FL
 
 
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Yes,I'm listed as straight but there is a reason.we have close friends on sls that we don't swing with as well as couples that we go back sexually with for over 15 years.i guess it's more of a fear thing for me not knowing what their reaction would be the same as not wanting non lifestyle friends knowing what we do or my orientation.deceptive?yes but I can't bring myself to change our profile.

Buffalo NY
 
 
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When I meet couples, it's pretty much a given that he's bi or bi curious and she supports his exploration and wants to explore sex with other men too....it's quite a turn on for a solo bi man to be intimate with a woman and her bi or bi curious hubby/bf who are just as turned on by it :) Mmmmmmm

Forsyth GA
 
 
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Joey - After a couple times of being lied to. We changed our tactic to my wife saying "you boys get started, ill join ya's in a few" The "OH SHIT" look on some faces was priceless.

I love that. We are going to try that!

Waterloo IA
 
 
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TOPIC: bi males and honesty