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bi males and honesty : Swingers Discussion 2043901048
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FORUMSThe Bi Sexual SwingerBi Couplesbi males and honesty
TOPIC: bi males and honesty
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To add to that. I dont feel its lying.

I am most interested in play with a couple. I am perfectly capable of playing straight. You would never know I was bi if i didnt tell you. I wont be chasing your man around the room trying to blow him if thats not what you want.

So what is the point in telling a straight couple that Im bi, if it will have absolutely no effect on how we play?

Im a contractor fulltime. I occasionally do towing also for a friends company.

When people ask what I do for a living, I tell them Im a contractor. Thats my primary job, thats what I do with 99% of my time. I dont tell them Im a "contractor who also runs a wrecker on occassion"

But if someone is looking for someone who can run a wrecker, I can step up and say "Hey, I can do that"

Most of the play im looking for is straight. If youre a couple that is looking for someone who is a little more flexible.....Well, "Hey, I can do that"

But if I represented myself as a tow truck driver......That would do nothing to benefit my contracting company. Its not relevant. Nobody is going to hire my company because I can drive a tow truck. And it may hurt me getting hired because people would think that the towing may interfere in what im being hired to do.

I also used to think "what else are they lying about" But I now put this in a separate category.

This lifestyle is full of lies.

Condom only couples who are anything but. Std free. Who have never been tested. Extremely active couples "new and testing the waters" Couples as singles Cheaters

You name it its here and in mass quantity.

Its a matter of how far are you going to dig into someone life and how well are you going to get to know them before you play?

Me. Im out for myself. Im in it for the sex. Im interested in the couple hours we are going to be together. I try my best to limit risks, try to avoid people I dont want, and play in a manner im likely to remain safe and ddfree. But the whole time knowing that mostly i can only go by what Im told.

If a guy presents himself as single. How many people really do a through investigation to confirm that? But if he says hes married and cheating, they will exclude him.

How many people require recent std results or just go on the profile saying "clean, ddfree"? We've never been asked for proof.

Most everyone goes by what is said on the profile. Thats just a fact. Most times honesty has the opposite effect. Its unfortunate.

A cheater will cheat. If he tells you hes single. He will get action. If hes honest and says hes cheating. He wont.

It may not be the "morally acceptable" thing to do. But again, Im selfish. Im not looking for a spouse, or a close friend. Im looking for a couple hours of fun.

So to me. The wife and kids at home, your problem, not mine. Im not hiding from my wife. So I cant get in trouble. So the risk is all on you.

My criteria is "Are we going to be compatible for the few hours we will be together?"

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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After spending time in the forums I have become much more tolerant of some people and their profiles.

I now understand why most bi guys list as straight and am not so quick to blast them over it.

I know how to, in advance, "scare off" straight guys who lie about being bi thinking we will overlook that when we play.

An honest email can overcome a single with a couple profile if it has to do with bi play. But dont approach as a couple then change it at the last minute.

Where I didnt before. I now feel there is a difference in what people advertise vs. what they email and im not so quick to get uptight about it.

I used to see listing as straight the same as "lying" until i realized that if you are only "situationally bi" and most of the play you want is straight, that you will be automatically excluded.

I feel if you are looking to play as a single though, at the very least have a single profile. It is still a turnoff to get emailed from "half a couple" That raises too many questions.

Is it a bait and switch? Is there really a couple? Does she know her private parts are all over the internet?

Would much rather get emailed by a "married and cheating" single profile than half a couple profile.

Personally if I were to play here as a single again. I would probably list as straight but while not talking bi, I would word the profile that I am VERY openminded and able to conform to the wishes of the couple. Then if I talked to a bi couple I would be open that Im bi. To others looking for straight play, Im an openminded straight guy.

Many will blast me for that. But I see no problem in presenting your profile in a manner to attract what you are looking for vs. being excluded because you can also adapt to other situations.

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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As a bisexual male, I must add my 2 cents worth, I agree with most of the post here. Honesty is the most important asset on the site, I'm sure we have seen it all here, a twist that seems prevalent is the bi-couple that is in fact a male, you would be surprised how many emails I receive from couples that turn out to be a single male claiming his wife is ill,away,or otherwise unavailable. It is hard enough here for the single bi-male, it occurs to me this type of behavior taints the waters for me and others. If you state bisexual (not curious) then that is exactly what you should be, be willing to engage both women and men, there are many homophobes here who equate bisexuality to being gay, I'm secure in my masculinity, enough so that it allows me to enjoy men equally. Honesty is a two way street, if we could weed the "whackers" and wishers we would all be better off.

Greenlawn NY
 
 
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OK, back to the point of the OP.

ncsexy - you are not an example of who we are discussing. You say you have it in your profile that you sometimes play bi (have not looked - taking your word for it). The point of the OP is different.

If a man is listed only as straight, then sets up a meeting with us on the pretense that he is bi (only in private conversation), then we rent the hotel room only to find out he is lying just to use her while I watch, that is abuse of the system.

How is it considered cruel for us to screen out the ones who are not being honest? It seems to be the best way to protect ourselves. It certainly hasn't limited our play time (since we don't play often anyway).

I can sympathize with the men who have straight friends on a swing site and don't want to be outed by them by changing their profile, but I can only go so far. Now many guys are using a similar excuse, including the ones who are abusing the system to try and get laid.

The problem in that case is with the straight friends in question. We are not here to protect their prejudice. One wonders why you would be friends with someone who wouldn't accept you for who you are.

Being blunt now --

If being bi is something you can't admit to people and still live your life the way you want to, that is their problem. We'd love to help (really, the point of all of this is to help educate people in the LS and remove the stigma eventually), but we have other guys ruining the process of accepting you because they are assholes and only want to get to the girl of the bi couple.

If you are a bi male it is your job to garner acceptance for yourself. You may choose to live in secret and you can expect people to honor that choice, but you may not expect people to affect their own lives (in a negative way - such as opening themselves up to abuse) to accommodate it.

We are not being cruel or bigoted by not meeting with people who are essentially lying to us. (see above that we are talking about a specific set of abusers before you get out the torches and pitchforks)

We are tolerant of everyone's lifestyle and choices of kink. Being dishonest in one's profile presentation is not a valid lifestyle. There's straight, bi-curious, bi and gay. There is no category for "bi but listed straight to deceive people who can't handle being around a bi person" Be straight - fine. Be bi- fine. Be closeted bi - also fine.

But insist that we must not only accept the closeted bi male BUT ALSO correspond with them with the intent of playing with them just like anyone else?

Nope, that goes too far. That is our choice and no one else's. If that is not what you meant, then please clarify.

Waterloo IA
 
 
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I think we all know that more than half of men have bi tendency, or more. It is a double standard and social stigma.

I'm listed as straight. I also add in our narrative that I am 'situationally bi'. We play with male straight couples all the time. I respect thier limits.

Look, this is a problem for most men, to slam the door on them is just plain cruel if not biggoted. Show some compassion and acceptance is the best way to address the social stigma.

On the other hand if they list as straight and behave poorly and offend straight folks, well deal with the behavior but being cruel to them is , IMHO, worse then listing as sraight.

Mooresville NC
 
 
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"I think someone - probably Freud! - once argued that we all are bi by nature, but are conditioned to the "straight" way of thinking." ============== I firmly agree. We're all born bi, anything esle is learned behaviour, and can be unlearned by anyone who chooses to do so. I've see the transformation in myself and in others. I think those who go around pounding their chests bragging about how 100% straight they are probably had a "George Castanza" moment somewhere in their lives. "It moved", lol.

Osterburg PA
 
 
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Joey - and that action (showing them the door) serves our purpose very well except for one thing.

We do not host at our respective places yet - we have not been comfortable enough with anyone or known them long enough to do so. So, we rent hotel rooms for play. Not counting the standups after which we have been able to cancel the reservation, getting to play time and having to show the guy the door means we are out $19.

OK fine we don't rent the $19 room but maybe we should. :)

Waterloo IA
 
 
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We overlook the profile tags now and just make it clear in conversation what we are looking for.

If in the end when we meet they were lying about their bi interest we have no problem showing the door.

We will play with a straight guy, but thats not always what we are looking for, and usually not our first preference. So if someone says theyre ok with bi play then thats what we expect.

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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"Since bi has such a broad range, everyone is lumped into the same category. And that category is avoided by a lot of people."

I think someone - probably Freud! - once argued that we all are bi by nature, but are conditioned to the "straight" way of thinking. I know that goes against the excepted view that orientation is innate, but it fits my experience in life. I know too many "straight" guys who watch porn and are just as fascinated by the cocks and cum as they are by the tits and ass :-)

I do not do anal, with men or women, and I am primarily attracted to women, but love to play with cocks and cum, and I like men as friends as much as I like women; ipso facto, I am bi, in my view of things.

I agree that this is not as private a site as people think, but I've reached the stage where I do not care if I am "outed" somehow. Others have not, and that is their decision. As far as I am concerned, "straight" on a profile means potentially bi, and that will come out in conversation. I am chary of thinking someone is a habitual "liar" just because they are a bit cautious.

N Versailles PA
 
 
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And that's all anyone needs to know. You need to be comfortable in the lifestyle with not only lifestyle friends but also non lifestyle friends outing you. You shouild be the one to out yourself.

Port St Lucie FL
 
 
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TOPIC: bi males and honesty