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bi males and honesty : Swingers Discussion 204390
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FORUMSThe Bi Sexual SwingerBi Couplesbi males and honesty
TOPIC: bi males and honesty
Created by: sabrinasslave1
Original Starting post for this thread:
I know there is a thread close to this but we wanted to separate this part.

I am sure we are in the minority here, but we will not meet with any male who says they are bi in emails, yet when we check their profile it says they are straight.

The excuse is always that "it cuts down on their action." Well, I have to ask if they are lying about their orientation, what else are they lying about? (Insert the argument here about "everyone lies about something" - well, we don't lie on our profile).

I also have to wonder why they would play with people who don't respect them, but hey that is their choice.

If couples collectively began rejecting this behavior (this means stop meeting with them) we might have a chance at correcting it. There are rules/etiquette for the lifestyle and this should be part of it. The homophobia will not go away if we condone this behavior.

This is not about orientation. It is about honesty in dealing with potential playmates.

We know we will never get everyone to do this, but just a thought for those of us who aren't bedpost notchers.

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I definitely agree with navyp78's statement. Pleasure is pleasure. If it feels good, roll with it.

Toledo OH
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Labeling your orientation should be a beginning... I'm listed as bi. When I start emailing, chatting, or meet people, I can elaborate on what I am or am not into, and what they are or are not into... There is so much gray area for all swingers, straight and bi.

Garden City NY
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My two cents worth:

I (hubby) understand your aggravation, sabrinasslave1, to what most of us recognize as the “players”. Men (generally) who will say/do nearly anything in their attempt to get sexual opportunities. They rarely achieve success (I think) but can really frustrate us a bit with their attempts.

That being said…

I have found no two people to be identical, or even close. There are variations to every general label that seem to be unending. I believe that most of us would agree on that. I believe, as some do in this thread, that the very limited number of choices (labels) provided only serve as a starting point to describe ourselves “in a phrase”…what we prefer, what we will tolerate, and what we will not accept.

I would only submit that to exclude a couple or individual from any discussion or consideration based solely on their use of these labels might unnecessarily limit your opportunities for great friendships and/or fun.

Nevertheless, I agree with you in your choice not to even respond to someone whom you feel confident is being dishonest or misleading. However, I just don’t believe that my wife or I would come to that conclusion based only on a given label.

Just my humble opinion….


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We post that were both BI. Its about honesty and we get a lot of replies. She likes watching me with another guy and it turns her on and joins sometimes.

Toledo OH
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Pleasure is pleasure for some.. for others it is not pleasurable for someone they do not want to touch them to do so. Make sure your playing with those who don't mind.

Spring TX
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Why do we have to put a label on our sexuality. Why Cant we just go with the flow and enjoy what happens, whether we consider ourselves bi or straight, or I am fondling another man or woman? Pleasure is pleasure.


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@openminds, very well said. I thoroughly agree!

Knightdale NC
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I am not sure which is worse those that cast dispersions on men labeled as bi or those that are bi that equally cast dispersions based on a sensitive issue and a lable. We tried a bi label because that occasion play was fun. But being more conservative in couples and sm selection already and very rarely playing it just didn't help making contacts. Because we had an experience two years ago where there was play beyond straight, we are not changing our status. The wife 99% of the time has no bi desires. Given alcohol and the right person she might. We wouldn't want the label police chasing us down over it. We concider ourselves tolerant to everyone and make choices on how we play based on the people we play with. We prefer not to play with judgmental types that critique every dotted I and crossed T on a profile. We found trying to experiment with bi guys even when our profile had bi only led to married guys looking to cheat and guys way outside our age range and no way in hell we want smokers breath breathing on us during play time. We therefore, made such a small niche bi is not practical to fit based on an every couple of years event. So we for all effective purposes play straight and make that our orientation. If we make friends with a bi sm or bi couple then we may adjust our play to fit the situation.

Amelia OH
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The major issue is being forced to accept a label that doesn't fit, the assumptions that if one is at all bi, then anything bi goes. That's jus not the case. My bi play is limited to touching & oral, I don't swallow & I don't eat cream pies. So you can't assume a guy who lists bi will satisfy your wifes fantasy. If SLS would adopt an orientation listing system that allows for the gray area, it would solve 90% of this problem.

Osterburg PA
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You know I don't even know why this has to be such a major issue. When you are 20 maybe. At the age most of us are you should be covering a lot of preferences up front anyway.

Everyone doesn't even like to do all the same things on the hetero menu. Some women don't like doggie at all, for example. I wouldn't exclude a profile because the guy is bi If we hooked up I would just make sure the limits were covered. My wife wants someone to eat her creampie and I just can't make myself do that so maybe it would work well lol.

Lexington KY
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TOPIC: bi males and honesty