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Swinging Parents : Swingers Discussion 120221101
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TOPIC: Swinging Parents
Created by: PupsnPeaches
Original Starting post for this thread:
I would like a new forum for those swingers who have kids, balancing the responsibilities of parenting against the fun of swinging. We think we have some tips, and we'd like not only to share them but to hear from others. Threads would include logistics of swinging, dealing with any guilt for time away, handling snoopy in-laws, and what happens if you get "busted." Pupsnpeaches.

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I was very lucky to have one parent who was very open about sex. Not that I ever knew what they were doing, but I could always ask ANY questions, and get real answers, not bullshit ones. I also had an honest open relationship with my parents.

When our kids were small, they had no reason to know what we did. As was already mentioned, their home was a safe place to be. Keeping in mind the honesty factor, as they matured into teenagers and beyond, we felt it wasn’t appropriate to lie to them where we were going or who we were spending time with. Sugar coat it a bit, maybe, but not lie. And NO, it wasn’t uncle Jim, or aunt Susie that were coming over, they were friends. The playing, if it took place, was done well after bed time, and mostly out of the house.

All that being said, kids aren’t dumb!! They understand a lot more than we usually give them credit for. That’s why they usually figure out a divorce is eminent before being told. We told our kids when they were grown up, so we didn’t have to lie to them about where we were going, or why we wouldn’t be home that night. They didn’t have to adopt our way of living, and in fact they didn’t have to like what we did, but lying to them about this just set up a mistrust between them and us that we weren’t willing to broach. After all, if we lied about this, then what else.

Our finding is that they accepted what we did as OUR way of life, and it never became an issue for them. It certainly eliminated a lot of unnecessary questions concerning the way we dressed, or where we were going, especially on Halloween!! Just because we did something, or went somewhere, we weren’t asking for their approval, we were just informing them where we would be if they needed us, and emphasizing that honesty was still the best policy.

Mount Vernon IL
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Original Posting: Given a lot of thought to a question posted in our local discussion group about whether or not to tell your kids you are swingers.

No, huh uh, nope. Most kids don't want to know about their parents' sex lives. When I was 10, I knew that my brother was an "accident," because after my mom's IUD fell out, Dad, a conservative Catholic, wouldn't allow her to use other forms of birth control. (By the way, another brother after that was an accident, too). At 14, I knew she would give head to Dad, but she didn't like the taste of cum, so she'd sort of just let it fall out of her mouth. At 12 we'd had the talk about my masturbation -- OH MY GOD! Mortifying! -- and about how she'd do it sometimes, too, when she was missing Dad. And even HOW she'd do it. OH MY GOD again!

I'd caught them making love (by accidentally walking by the bedroom when the door wasn't completely shut), and I'd seen him playing with her nipples......

She wasn't a pervert or anything. She was a farm girl in the old style: totally naturally and unabashedly comfortable with all topics. She would talk about sex but then I would hearing her praying in the bath (she liked to pray while showering or bathing, and usually out loud). She could talk about it in the same tone of voice as asking if the yard needed mowing or would I run get some pie filling from the corner grocery store.

Point is, I *hated* it. I did NOT want to hear about it. I knew she was a woman. I knew she probably had sex. Not something I wanted to dwell on. The girl across the street, yeah, I'd like to dwell on sex thoughts about her. But not Mom.

So, judging from my own aversion to thinking about my parents' sex lives, we don't really volunteer a whole lot to these kids. They know we are sexual. They have heard us "doing it" and made fun of us, commenting on keeping it down. They know we have had sex with other people. But mostly they just want to know when we're getting them more peanut butter or where clean towels are.

Point is, they don't want to know right now. Someday they'll be ready. Maybe. (My own parents are deceased, but I imagine I *could* talk to my mom about sex now without a problem). When they are ready, we'll be ready. Until then..... we ain't volunteering anything. Ain't running away from questions. But both parents and children here are more comfortable keeping their sex lives to themselves as a private then.

One thing we do honor sacredly: this is their home. We won't do things here that risk making them uncomfortable in their own, most secure place. Playing is always elsewhere and always on *our* time, not on theirs.

And the best policy on this is one I followed for years. Our children's sex lives and preferences, and our sex lives and preferences, are private matters. We'll share them if asked, to a point. But probably "Not asked, don't tell" is the best way to approach such intimate matters.

Brewster MN
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I would like a new forum for those swingers who have kids, balancing the responsibilities of parenting against the fun of swinging. We think we have some tips, and we'd like not only to share them but to hear from others. Threads would include logistics of swinging, dealing with any guilt for time away, handling snoopy in-laws, and what happens if you get "busted." Pupsnpeaches.

Brewster MN
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(9 posts)
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TOPIC: Swinging Parents