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Wife sending mixed signals : Swingers Discussion 86038101
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TOPIC: Wife sending mixed signals
Created by: ksnew2it The original post for this thread was deleted.
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So the real issue is she's ambivilant, I was too and when my husband brought this idea and web site to me we discussed it for months before finally doing it. Your profile reads she's Bi, how does she know this unless she has been with other women? Is that what she is mostly into? Have you talked to her about what you want sexually, we talked, argued, yelled, and discussed every scenerio to death and we are both glad we did cause we have had some good times, BOTH of us have fun, A word of good advice pick your first couple very carefully, we were lucky enough to pick the best couple and we are very good friends with them still,. Take it slow and if at anytime either of you start to become uncomfortable, STOP and realize that it's not worth sacrificing your marriage,.....is it?

Colorado Spgs CO
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Would like to hear the follow up - resolution to the original post? Did you talk with her or what? There are many variations on the, "how do I get my partner into swinging" question, this was a bit unique because you want to surprise your wife. Great advice given to your question, I'd suggest you take it, no surprises. Talk with her. Maybe see if she is interested in seeing a LS club. Take it slow and see if the its the fantasy she wants to bring into the marriage or actually try it. Someone else may have mentioned this, but it seems a little harsh not to fantasize with her if she's wanting to just fantasize. Taking away her fantasies doesn't seem a good way to build on your sex life, even though it might be frustrating to you you're not getting fantasy fulfillment.

Oklahoma City OK
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Well, if she is interested start slow. Find a couple that matches your likes and dislikes. Send some email and pics. Every couple is different on what they like. If she wants a big cock then request a pic of his cock to go along with the face pics.

Many couples do not like the broad nude pics. We like to see what we are getting into. The wife wants to see what the male has to offer. Next time you two are fucking and she wants to know what you are thinking tell her, then ask her what she wants in a couple. Make sure you know what the ground rules are.

THe most important is no means no. If you find a couple then meet them in public. Chat, see if you could get along as couples. If not then sex would be a bad idea. You are not going to marry them but if you do not like them then sex should a no no.

If you are still nervous you could try things like kissing each other's spouse in front of the other. For some couples this is a touchy thing. If they do not want to kiss then respect their wishes. However, if kissing is okay with them try that. You will see if some jealousy issues come up.

Try things slowly and test the water. Good luck.

Firestone CO
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If either you or your wife have jealousy issues swinging is the dynamite that will land you in divorce court.

Has it occurred to you that her requirement that the male in any couple you meet has to have a huge cock may be an excuse for her to say "no."

If you study the profiles on here, you will find many couples with unusual to impossible standards. In my opinion , 99 percent of the time those impossible standards are there to keep one person from getting laid by the other person in that relationship. IE one person wants to swing more than the other. A lot of people have sexual fantasies that compell them, but when the opportunity comes to make the fantasy a reality, they just can't do it. It just might be that your wife was being honest with you when she says she doesn' t think she can do it. I had a freind whose girlfreind wanted a three way and arranged it. The guy basicaly did it to make her happy. Three weeks later, their relationship was over.The guy was dumbfounded because his ex said to him, "I just couldn't get the image of you kissing her and making out with her out of my head.:" Like I said, SHE arranged it. Swinging is not for everybody. If it is for you guys, good luck. But talk this stuff out together before you go jumping into strange waters.

Logan WV
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OK.........Let me start off by saying that if you surprise her you'll lose her "PERIOD" the reason i say that is simple , number 1 she has no input on the person selected and they may hold no sexual interest to her what so ever . number 2 she is not ready and truthfully neither are you , swinging is not a 1 sided affair it takes both people involved in each relationship to make it work little lone be enjoyable .

so here what we did and suggested to many who have been in the same situation and worked for everyone so far .

Make dinner , sit at the table , "NO TV's or radio's" and talk about it face to face , during sex is one thing and it turns everyone on to fantasize about it at the time but when reality comes back into the picture its a whole different story . you must first establish that your relationship is strong enough to handle it , that your love is true and that jealousy is not a factor in your life , then you can proceed forward. Then make her part of it , let her pick out the people and let her show you what she wants , then you can go to the task of setting up a date with someone . if not you will only cause your self and her a world of heart ache . hope this helps , good luck , be safe and have fun .

Seymour TN
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Some fantasies have their own life as fantasies only. That's why they call it fantasy as opposed to reality. Not all fantasies work well when fulfilled. Some are so much better as fantasies precisely because in fantasy you can control everything perfectly. In reality there are others involved. Enjoy her fantasies!

If she asks you about truly fulfilling the fantasy or if you both discuss it when not in heat of the moment, then ask her about surprising her. Make sure it's okay with her to be surprised. I surprised J once with a single guy, but I knew damn well she'd like the surprise and I told the guy it was a surprise so he knew that it could fall apart. We did have a hot night!

Enosburg Falls VT
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Sounds like it the old "Heat of the moment" thing, when she is hot and horny she is all for it, but after the climax she loses interest really fast. this is very common.

Philadelphia PA
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not only will you waste your time and probably never have the oppurtunity again if you just surprise her, you'll piss off another couple or single and waste there time.

Get on the same page and sit down when you're not in the middle of having sex and talk about it in a frank and open discussion. We'd be so PISSED if you set something up with us and then your wife was "surprised". I'd venture a guess most people would be upset.

Lake Worth FL
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TOPIC: Wife sending mixed signals