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We are so new where to start : Swingers Discussion 208133
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TOPIC: We are so new where to start
Created by: pkrplyraa The original post for this thread was deleted.
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pkrplyraa: How long have you been together ?

New York NY
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Communicate, Communicate, Communicate with your partner. Talk about it before AND afterwards. Be honest with the people you meet and bring it up BEFORE you play. Clubs and house parties are nothing to be nervous about and remember NO means NO! You are on your own after this and play it by ear! Good Luck!

Eldorado IL
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You can try temptations, but I would highly recommend Leisure Time in Hartford. .Especially for a first timer.

Grafton MA
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"As far as him not ever being comfortable with me going with other men, well no I would not be ok with that. I told him that during our talks. He says he wants to try the whole thing first and see. I can give him that. But if it's not equal it's over. "

It sounds to me he isn't so much interested in "swinging" as he is is banging your friend. Personally I'd be very cautious with this arrangement . He saying he wanted a 3 some and than saying he only said that as he'd feel guilty is very troublesome to me as is the comment " He wants to try the whole thing first" . This isn't like shopping for a new car and where one gets to test drive it before the other and no harm done if doesn't like how it rides.This is YOUR friend, who happens to be married. I personally recommend NEVER swinging with people with whom you already have an established relationship. It just isn't worth the risk of the dynamics changing after sex. Play the what if game. What if he LOVES it and she decides no thanks after the fact. What if she loves it and wants more and he decides his itch was scratched and he is done. What if they both have the time of their lives and YOU still aren't allowed to explore your fantasies? Ending this little venture will not change what's been done already.....he can't unfuck her. With a semi stranger you can perhaps move forward but with a friend , that can be very awkward. I don't think the risk of ruining a friendship is ever a great idea. Especially when the scales are so unbalanced, he is "test" driving and will let you know later if you can shop for a new car. I'd really put some heavy thought into this if I were you.

Good Luck,

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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pkrplyaa, you may get more info about the club if you start a thread in the Clubs forum. It seems to have a greater variety of posters focused on that than here in the other forums.

As for your other question regarding plans to move your first potential playtime to the club, it may work. Just do your best to be very aware of how you're feeling, and don't hesitate to talk to your husband right away if you have second thoughts. Damage to your marriage relationship can occur if you and your husband aren't absolutely clear about how each of you feels about sharing the other, and if one or both of you fail to observe the rules you've established.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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"Married to a great man who appears to want variety. Ok with me, so I'm out there trying to educate myself and give it a try. "

Welcome to the forums and the adventure of swinging. Based on the comment above , from your profile, it is he who wants variety and you're ok with that and willing to give it a try. You also mention he , at this time, isn't really into sharing you but you are hopeful he will change his mind as time moves on.

I will caution you that you MUST be 100% OK with the fact that he may never change his mind before you agree to share him . So often I hear things like this , one or the other trying to nudge their partner along to a place they aren't comfortable and all it does is breed resentment. What if as a couple you bring another women to your bed for HIS please ( Noted you are listed as straight) and he has the time of his life. You might even have the same, finding it hot to watch him but after he still isn't really ready to share you? How many times is that going to be OK and still have him restricting your pleasure.? Once, a dozen, forever? At some point will you feel resentful, jealous, angry ? After all he is getting HIS variety but not allowing you the same option. Don't get me wrong I am not trying to discourage you from exploring . I am simply trying to make you think through it all. There is no way to undo what has been done. 6 months from now ya'll could leave the lifestyle and he will potential "had his fun" and be ready to quit or still want variety but not share you. Unless you can say with certainty " I am 100% ok with him having sex with others and I am COMPLETELY happy to have sex with JUST HIM" you could be headed for a world of hurt. Never ever approach the lifestyle with the HOPE that MAYBE somebody will change unless you can gleefully, sincerely and honestly be happy if they don't change. People can and do grow and change but if your happiness is based on their growth or change you're headed for disaster. You need to be 100% OK that he might get his and you may never get yours.

For myself there is absolutely no question in my mind I'd be screaming NO FAIR after a very short period of time but maybe that is just me lol.

Moving at the pace of the slowest player is a good thing but if he genuinely can't picture sharing you I'd be doing some pretty serious thinking on where this venture might lead.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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pkrplyraa, welcome to the forums! As kinddraggon already said, many of the answers you're looking for are laced all through the forums, but she did a great job giving you what you need to know in a nutshell.

All I would add or reiterate is to take things slowly at first since you aren't exactly sure what your boundaries are right now. If either of you is uncomfortable with the idea of the other having any physical contact with another person, then limit your first experiences to smiles and conversation. If you don't want to share kisses with others right now, then don't. If you are only interested in exploring soft swapping (i.e., foreplay) with other people in whatever way you want to define it, then be clear about that with each other and with the potential playmates before you get undressed. The key to success, I've found, is to decide what YOU want and be true to yourselves. Always plan to have fun with each other, no matter what else may come along. Doing so will help to keep your relationship strong and a positive attitude toward others you may meet later on.

I've discovered that when I'm dressed sexily and know that my husband is turned on by how I look and by the appreciative looks I get from others, then the happy, flirty, playful look on my face attracts more people who want to meet me. We have attended hotel takeover parties where everyone is a swinger of some degree, and provocative clothing is the norm. Even when we haven't hooked up with anyone, the atmosphere has been so positively charged that the sex just the 2 of us have together in our own room is amazing.

Some people have found swinger mentors helped them in their journey, and this may be something for you to consider.

The only etiquette issue that is universally accepted, as kinddraggon said, is don't touch before asking permission to do so. There may be people who violate that rule with you, but you always have the right to tell them to stop if you aren't interested, for any reason.

Good luck, and please report back as time goes on!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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TOPIC: We are so new where to start