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Ups downs : Swingers Discussion 2088671011
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TOPIC: Ups downs
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When I say exclusive I mean on our side probably we ideally want to settle with one or 2 couples with whom we can share fun time. They can do whatever they want with their lives..we can not request exclusivity on their side or restrict people's lives. So the exclusives is more on our side. does that make any sense..

New York NY
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sardukar, I agree with what losamantes and kinddraggon have already stated. Here are a few of my thoughts:

*You list yourselves as tame with a little bit of moderate. What does that mean to you? It would help others to decide if they want to engage in sexual activities with you if there is a clearer idea about what you want and are willing to do. It does not have to be excessively explicit, but you can say whether you like to kiss, have oral sex, allow hands to explore, etc. *Given that your geographic area is so limited, many people will realize there is no likelihood of getting to meet you. However, if you go to meet and greets in your area, visit clubs, perhaps go to local parties, people will get to know you and may be willing to travel some distance to see you again. *The "exclusive partnership" term is bound to scare a lot of people away because probably most of the people on this site are looking for a wide variety of "friends with benefits." Even if they are not, it is intimidating to contact someone who you know immediately wants to evaluate you for that exclusive spot. If you are wedded to the idea, consider modifying the statement to say something along the lines of "Eventually we would love to establish an exclusive partnership with the right people or person." *Asking people to provide a photo of blurred faces sounds extremely tentative to me. If you do decide to meet them for coffee, a meal, or at a party, how will you recognize them? Often people ask for face pictures and make a comment about naked pictures not being necessary, unless, of course, they want to see more flesh. But that doesn't seem to be what you two are hoping for. *You asked how many emails we get. When we first joined SLS and were accepting email from everyone, we got a lot of mail. Within a short time we changed our parameters to exclude single men, and the volume of mail cut way down. I exchange more email with people I've gotten to know on the Forums than with potential playmates, but have noticed new people contact us closer to the date of parties we have signed up to attend. At the last party, 2 couples who were also attending got in touch with us a few days ahead of time, which made it easier to be comfortable starting up a conversation with them.

I wish you all the best. Swinging, however you might define it, is not for everyone. Sometimes it works for a while, then people take a break, and they may or may not return. Do what you feel is best for you both as individuals and for your marriage, and by all means talk to each other about your feelings. Also, if you find yourselves in a sexual situation where one or both of you are uncomfortable, you have the right to stop the action immediately. Honor and protect yourselves above all.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Much like dating the term "exclusive" relationship is going to freak anyone before you've met and gotten to know someone.No one wants to meet someone that appears needy or clingy. Relationships such as those take time, patience and meeting lots of people. You wouldn't jump into a exclusive relationship with a women sight unseen or based on a few emails or even cocktails and drinks. I suggest you meet as many people as possible, leave the idea of anything exclusive in the background until you meet a couple that shares mutual attraction as well as desire. I am not suggesting you "play" with everyone you meet but until you've shopped around so to speak how will you know what suits your needs? As mentioned "soft swap" will limit opportunities, making the statement "seeking exclusive" will take you off the playing field. Most who come to a swing site are seeking variety, many want friendships and a very small handful are seeking something committed with another couple. I personally might hold that as my objective or goal but I sure wouldn't limit my options by frightening others away. Think of it like a women whose "goal" is to marry and have children. Now if she, even before meeting you said " Look I want to get married and have kids right away, lets meet for drinks , how soon can you be available!" Would you not take a step back and say "Whoa , lady we haven't even met yet and your talking commitment, marriage and kids?"

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Some days we get 3-5 emails, some days nothing. We respond to very few.

Allenhurst NJ
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Thank you, now that I read it again I think it was not very elegantly stated..We had the same feelings for example moving into a new apartment..or getting first car..always some doubt but everything turns out right. We are both into this or out of it, and exclusive partnership kinda makes us both comfortable. As far as the emails I wanted to get an idea about the vibe on the site..how active the community is etc..etc.. I kinda thought that most "tame" people would prefer exclusiveness..at least until comfortable with the life style no ? or is counter intuitive.

New York NY
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If your wife is unsure it's time to step back. The first line of your profile states that you're looking for an exclusive partnership. That, and the fact that you're tame, could be the reason you're not getting any responses. If the wife is still interested, you could try a club or party where there will be no pressure to play with anyone, but you can still play together or watch others. If she's not interested, do some soul searching to uncover your true motives for swinging. If it's all about you, it's all wrong.

Virginia Beach VA
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well I'm not sure how to describe this but here we are now at this site for couple of months and me and my wife start getting some cold feet...I mean some days the idea is very exciting ..some days not so.

PS BTW how may email you guys get..so far we had just 1.

New York NY
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TOPIC: Ups downs