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TOPIC: Super awkward first meetings
Created by: WannaTry808
Original Starting post for this thread:
Aloha all...

We're newbies and have had 2 "first meetings" so far. Both were in the evening at bars within restaurants. And both were awkward as h*ll. Everyone just kinda sat there looking at each other across the table, not knowing what to say, so we had stilted, somewhat boring conversation.

Does everyone meet for drinks? Does anyone here do anything else for a first meeting? This sitting there staring at each other thing is NOT happening.

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After a few hits and too many misses, we've settled on inviting couples to a local M&G when we're both interested. That way, if the "chemistry" obviously isn't there, if the other couple is a no-show or maybe is 15 years older than their pics, we can just move on and have a nice evening.

On the rare occasions when we do ask a couple out, we usually meet for drinks. If things look promising, we suggest a light dinner. Just play it by ear with no expectations. Four people on the same page is pretty long odds, but it does happen!

Tempe AZ
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Again, for us we like meeting new peeps at clubs and parties especially if there is a dj playing good music to dance too. Good way to break the ice by dancing. Some people are shy at first so they need peeps to approach them and make their move on them.

Los Angeles CA
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We have evolved a way of meeting new couples - after our first on-line contact we exchange face pictures, then if we want to go ahead, swap phone numbers and the women talk together to set up a social meet. When we get together we make a point of talking about our experience of the lifestyle and asking them about theirs - not details of individual meets but how long we've been swinging, how we got into it, and so on. That tends to break the ice.

If we get on together, we arrange a play meet on another date. If we're not sure, we say we'll think about things and contact them. We've only said "no thanks" to two couples since we started swinging. On a few occasions we've gone back to our place or their place and played immediately after the social meet.

We have arranged to meet new couples in swinger clubs (fortunately we have three within easy reach). We've always ended up going off to a playroom together.

Ashbourne England United Kingdom
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Planning a short initial meeting is my preference too. It is so much easier to extend a date if you want to, or to let it end naturally, than it is to cut a date short.

In the vanilla dating world, years ago, I had a first date over coffee. There was a large and obvious discrepancy between the woman sitting in front of me and her appearance as she described it to me. This was a Saturday afternoon date, so casual dress was fine. But, come on, there is a not-so-fine line between casual and dowdy. Coke-bottom glasses are fine, some people have bad eyes. But the lenses would ideally not be smeared with grease. (At least the lenses were consistent with the hair.)

And then things went downhill. In addition to having nothing in common, her idea of a fun second date was to go see a G-rated movie that had just come out. I was so happy that I hadn't proposed drinks and dinner.

Newton MA
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Glens: the main reason i always set up first meetings as coffee or drinks is so i can walk away--no harm no foul if there is misrepresentation or anything else is "off."

there've been a few very nice exceptions when i've met for dinner on a first meeting. i can say those folks i would be happy to get together with again.

as a single the first public place meet is a must for me--folks who won't agree to it are most likely not a match anyway, so i don't sweat it.

Manville NJ
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Thanks Njny....we agree misrepresentation in the profile is a red flag for us but we don't get bummed about it we just walk away. We never take it too seriously so we are never disappointed. Probably a little different for a single lady....not as much of a support mechanism without a partner.

Houston TX
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glens2422, welcome to the forums. totally agree awkward first meetings (at least for me) are when in person, the person or couple are *so* not as presented in the profile.

Manville NJ
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We have had some awkward first meeting but not because of lack of conversation, it's because what was said was different from the profile. If you want someone to respond then ask questions, listen to the answers and go from there. First meetings are only awkward when the chemistry is not right.

Houston TX
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I agree with the earlier poster. Whether couples are seeking other couples or are seeking a prospective solo partner, they should communicate a few times via email, chat and even by voice verifying via phone. It's important to learn a bit about each other's interests and desires and experiences. It makes it much easier to break the ice when a face-to-face meeting occurs. My 1st wife and I always told other couples or singles up front that we'd get the hotel room or host them at our home if we hit it off. We also did everything we could to make it feel like an old-fashioned date. (ie I'd pull out the other wife's chair at dinner, ask her to dance, etc. and my wife would charm the other hubby. That seemed to take much of the pressure off them. We never had what I'd call an awkward experience, only a few non-experiences when we didn't hit it off.

Kennesaw GA
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The driving range? That's a novel approach.

Boston MA
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TOPIC: Super awkward first meetings