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Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging : Swingers Discussion 512341031
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FORUMSSuccessful SwingingFirst ContactHey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging
TOPIC: Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging
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I think having a pen pal situation is good, but I see the benefits of meeting another couple and hanging out with no pressure ....kwim

Sacramento CA
 
 
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Nicewife,

Welcome to the forums!

What you expect from a mentor will help you determine how to find one.

Do you just want someone to correspond with? Then an experienced mentor (or a couple) from anywhere will do. Do you want to meet the mentor(s) and play with them? Then you'd want someone local.

Similar interests in sexual play are important. Personalities are important. You're looking for mentors who would make (and have made) the same decisions you'll have to make.

"We are new to this and right now just want to get our feet wet with light play"

Let's use this as an example. An experienced mentor (as you can guess from the above, I'd recommend that a couple mentor another couple) would discuss with you what "light" play is -- what you think it is and what others might think it is. They'd discuss with you what might happen when you or the other couple want to go beyond the original agreement on light play. They'd discuss jealousy and how to avoid or minimize it. They'd discuss how to play safely. They'd discuss what others might expect of you two. And how you should react if others don't seem interested in playing with you a second time, or you aren't interested in playing a second time with them.

If you think about it, some of the best mentoring goes on in these forums.

And remember, there is no one set of rules on how to do things. While mentors can be helpful, they don't have a lock on the truth. Some things you'll ultimately have to figure out for yourselves.

Kitty Hawk NC
 
 
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I understand the getting a mentor part. But how do you find one? I have been reading the forums and seeing posts of people who do not want newbies. We are new to this and right now just want to get our feet wet with light play and going to a party to meet other and see what is out there. We feel this is the bonus level to our marriage. We want to make the most of it. But we do not know anyone who would be a mentor. Advice on how to have that mentee/mentor relationship is welcome

Sacramento CA
 
 
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We didn't think of it specifically as getting a mentor, but we do specify that we are new and might need patience or make mistakes... and when we selected our first playmate, two of the many reasons were his experience and his expressed willingness to deal with newbies.

Not only has our time with him been incredibly rewarding physically, but he's always willing to answer my questions, no matter how oddball or tedious. So, while he does not wear an official "mentor" badge (maybe I should get him one), he certainly fills the role well... and that has definitely given us a positive introduction to the lifestyle.

In short, getting a mentor (whether you call him/her/them that or not) is a terrific suggestion!

Mrs.DE

Federal Way WA
 
 
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Thank you for your input Kat and Fun. It's true - we have been at this a long time and remain optimistic. We believe there must be another sexy couple out there (not to far from home) that share our views. We are definitely not shy!! We'll keep searching. We appreciate the encouragement. :-)

Chesapeake VA
 
 
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EE ~~ You might try putting that request in your tag line. I'm surprised, as you've been on the site since 2008....but then I know it's difficult to find people for the kind of play you're looking for. When we started out, we had a mentor couple and it was wonderful - were able to ask a zillion questions and felt comfortable taking our time.

Best wishes : )

Kat

Morgantown PA
 
 
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EnjoyingExpectations, welcome to the forums. I hope you find that mentor couple. You might want to look at some of the threads in the "soft swinger" section.

Belle Chasse LA
 
 
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Could we ever use a Mentor Couple!!! We want to keep it soft and very sexy.

Chesapeake VA
 
 
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We heartily agree with the mentor concept. We found a couple of couples on SLS who gave us good advice. The forums here were also generally helpful.

By fate or plain luck, we found a couple within a couple of months on sls. They had been looking for over a year but never found anyone they felt comfortable meeting. We got to know each other, then met. So, these four "virgins" are now mentoring each other. :) We think the world of them and we think we've found friends that will be around for a while.

But, taking time to seek out sound advice and do some research will pay off, in our opinion. --J&T

Charleston WV
 
 
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Any mentors in the Buffalo/Niagara area? I am totally lost in all of this, but totally turned on! :D

North Tonawanda NY
 
 
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TOPIC: Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging