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FORUMS Successful Swinging First Contact Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging
TOPIC: Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging
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Nicewife,

Welcome to the forums!

What you expect from a mentor will help you determine how to find one.

Do you just want someone to correspond with? Then an experienced mentor (or a couple) from anywhere will do. Do you want to meet the mentor(s) and play with them? Then you'd want someone local.

Similar interests in sexual play are important. Personalities are important. You're looking for mentors who would make (and have made) the same decisions you'll have to make.

"We are new to this and right now just want to get our feet wet with light play"

Let's use this as an example. An experienced mentor (as you can guess from the above, I'd recommend that a couple mentor another couple) would discuss with you what "light" play is -- what you think it is and what others might think it is. They'd discuss with you what might happen when you or the other couple want to go beyond the original agreement on light play. They'd discuss jealousy and how to avoid or minimize it. They'd discuss how to play safely. They'd discuss what others might expect of you two. And how you should react if others don't seem interested in playing with you a second time, or you aren't interested in playing a second time with them.

If you think about it, some of the best mentoring goes on in these forums.

And remember, there is no one set of rules on how to do things. While mentors can be helpful, they don't have a lock on the truth. Some things you'll ultimately have to figure out for yourselves.

Kitty Hawk NC
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I understand the getting a mentor part. But how do you find one? I have been reading the forums and seeing posts of people who do not want newbies. We are new to this and right now just want to get our feet wet with light play and going to a party to meet other and see what is out there. We feel this is the bonus level to our marriage. We want to make the most of it. But we do not know anyone who would be a mentor. Advice on how to have that mentee/mentor relationship is welcome

Sacramento CA
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We didn't think of it specifically as getting a mentor, but we do specify that we are new and might need patience or make mistakes... and when we selected our first playmate, two of the many reasons were his experience and his expressed willingness to deal with newbies.

Not only has our time with him been incredibly rewarding physically, but he's always willing to answer my questions, no matter how oddball or tedious. So, while he does not wear an official "mentor" badge (maybe I should get him one), he certainly fills the role well... and that has definitely given us a positive introduction to the lifestyle.

In short, getting a mentor (whether you call him/her/them that or not) is a terrific suggestion!

Mrs.DE

Federal Way WA
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Thank you for your input Kat and Fun. It's true - we have been at this a long time and remain optimistic. We believe there must be another sexy couple out there (not to far from home) that share our views. We are definitely not shy!! We'll keep searching. We appreciate the encouragement. :-)

Chesapeake VA
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EnjoyingExpectations, welcome to the forums. I hope you find that mentor couple. You might want to look at some of the threads in the "soft swinger" section.

Belle Chasse LA
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Could we ever use a Mentor Couple!!! We want to keep it soft and very sexy.

Chesapeake VA
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We heartily agree with the mentor concept. We found a couple of couples on SLS who gave us good advice. The forums here were also generally helpful.

By fate or plain luck, we found a couple within a couple of months on sls. They had been looking for over a year but never found anyone they felt comfortable meeting. We got to know each other, then met. So, these four "virgins" are now mentoring each other. :) We think the world of them and we think we've found friends that will be around for a while.

But, taking time to seek out sound advice and do some research will pay off, in our opinion. --J&T

Charleston WV
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Any mentors in the Buffalo/Niagara area? I am totally lost in all of this, but totally turned on! :D

North Tonawanda NY
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I agree with you tantric, I was graced with the one of the best gifts of all, having my mentor also be my friends, and one that I get to see on a regular basis. We met this summer but he has been so helpful to me and James that I don't think we would've ever really "took the plunge" so to speak into meeting with our first couple if it wasn't for his advice. He's a really great guy, if anyone is looking for a mentor his username is Tomthumb8. Meeting him and having him look over my husband and I's travel into this new territory has definitely changed our lives and I'm thankful for him

New York Mills NY
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We just joined a few weeks ago right before having our first club experience. I don't know that we really have a mentor, per se, but we do have an experience couple that we've been talking with and their advice has been invaluable. My husband's had been saying that he wanted to talk to someone who both experienced in the lifestyle and also had been together for a long time. We were lucky to find that in one of the very first couples we contacted. And btw, we didn't specifically set out to find this couple, I just emailed them a question about a local club and we got lucky. Well, not LUCKY, but you know what I mean! ;)

Kyle TX
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TOPIC: Hey Newbies, getting yourself a mentor can mean all the world to happy swinging