FORUMS › Successful Swinging › First Contact › Help, I blew it big time!
TOPIC: Help,_I_blew_it_big_time!
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Bunny and I have pondered and complained (almost daily) about this sort of behavior. As Bunny puts it, "It's like swingers think of everyone as disposable."

We used to have a rule against newbies because it seemed we were always having problems with them. They never REALLY knew what they wanted. The ones who at least could communicate their feelings would be forthright and admit they got cold feet. The ones who weren't so good at communicating would end up starting a fight with their spouse -- or something else -- just so they'd have an "excuse" for why they couldn't make it.

These days, though, we've abandoned the rule.

Why? Because we've noticed it's no longer just newbies who behave badly.

And, incidentally, we're not new to the scene ourselves. Bunny's first bi experience was when she was 16. My first "swing" experience was in my late teens; a threesome. It was followed soon thereafter by "official" swinging via them old magz you had to buy at adult bookstores.

We've actually periodically abandoned swinging because of these sorts of things happening. When the level of cancellations and flakes gets under our skin, we withdraw for several months -- in a couple of cases, we've stopped playing for up to a year or more.

But we always hold out hope that sooner or later we're going to find a stable core of friends who play. :)

Clovis CA
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GentleinUtah is right. It could have been a plethora of things that happened, including that the couple got cold feet. We always give folks our cell numbers and get theirs before a meeting. That way, if we happen to get lost or are running late, we call them and let them know.

Couples have this problem too. We had the cell numbers (and they had ours) of a couple we were to meet on the Burlington waterfront. We called and left a voice mail for them about 15 minutes before our 7pm "date", saying that we had arrived at the restaurant early, so we were going to walk around the waterfront. No reply. They stood us up, despite the fact that they had my cell # also.

When we got home (now remember that the date is at 7pm), we had a message on our home phone telling us that "its 6:30 and we just can't make it". I love caller ID. The call had come in at 7:30 to cancel a 7pm date! I called them the next morning and told them not to contact us again. Starting off on the wrong foot is one thing, outright lying is another. So you see, its not just the single guys who have difficulty knowing what game is being played. You have to do your best, and hope the other party is sincere.

Cambridge VT
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TOPIC: Help, I blew it big time!
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