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FORUMS › Successful Swinging › First Contact › Failure or not
TOPIC: Failure_or_not
Created by: RuthlessRoller74 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Those are the reasons I only meet at events, clubs, lite dinner, or some place we can sit and talk and get a feel for each others personalities. This is one rule I have found better not to break for me.

Houston TX
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We would've definitely called them out on the old pics. No way we would ever order dinner and lock ourselves into spending an hour of our lives with someone we weren't physically attracted to. Best bet on first dates is to meet for drinks, if there's no chemistry, you can bail in 15 minutes or so. You'll find that you'll get a lot more respect in the swinging community by being direct. If you see that you're not a match, just tell them and get it over with, and hope they'll do the same. We've all made some bad moves when we're new, it's just part of the learning process. Our experience is that flakiness increases in direct proportion to the amount of communication before meeting. We set up first dates with 3 or 4 emails, no chat or texting. If it drags out longer than that, they're not really serious or they don't know what they're doing. Why would you want to initiate contact if there's no attraction on your part? If they contact you, just tell them you're not interested and leave it at that. Just a tip, block free members and check certs.

Virginia Beach VA
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Failure or not? I'd call it a complete success. Any man who'd storm out of a club because his wife didn't want him to go down on her right then and there has some serious anger management issues. If something so simple as "not now" caused him to behave that way Lord only knows what other triggers might set him off. Leave it be and be grateful it didn't lead to a scene or a whole lot of drama. As to lateness , my pet peeve but it happens sometimes, added with the run around "get dressed" bit they'd have past my patience level. I also would never agreed to follow them home and simply stated" We will meet you at the club and save you a seat". A good rule of thumb is that if you have to jump through hoops to accommodate others ,chances are you aren't a good match. Pay attention to the early warning signs and be ready to bow out. Obviously the chemistry wasn't all you hoped so when bother forcing things to move forward?

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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One way around difficulties like these is to make the first meeting a social one only and make that clear up front. Meet for dinner/drinks/lunch/coffee and get to know each other. If you like them and they like you, schedule a play date as soon as it fits everyone's schedules. If you decide that the chemistry isn't there after you've talked it over with your spouse, you can tell them that or make up an excuse, and it's nice to have the time to do this without feeling rushed or pressured to commit immediately.

For some people this would be "wasting time and moving too slowly." And if your only requirement is that they be physically attractive it almost certainly would be. Only you can decide the comfort level you need. But the social-meeting-only approach does reduce the likelihood of awkward and confusing moments such as you described.

And if all four of you feel intense chemistry, you can always break the rule.


Kitty Hawk NC
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TOPIC: Failure or not
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