115
Being a new couples first : Swingers Discussion 769191031
Busy Swingers Forum - everything you always wanted to know about swingers.
SwingLifeStyle Swingers Personal Ads. | SwingLifeStyle Swingers Clubs

Busy Swingers Forum

Everything you always wanted to know about swingers.

Create A Free Account

HELP
FORUMSSuccessful SwingingFirst ContactBeing a new couples first
TOPIC: Being a new couples first
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5
Start   31 to 40 of 47   End
User Details are only visible to members.
MnBigT & Charley: We've been with LS 'virgins' and had both good and bad experiences. The best thing you can do is to be honest and upfront with everyone. When someone has had a problem of any sort, we just stop whatever was causing the problem and move on to something that everyone Is comfortable with. If that means leaving the bedroom and resuming an earlier conversation or whatever, that's fine. The important thing is that everyone is safe, anyone can call a halt at any time if they're uncomfortable, nobody is upset or left out, and everyone is Having a Nice Time even if there's no sex. (G)

One of the single most valuable things that one must learn in the LS is what we call 'expectation management'. What we mean by that is; if everyone is having a good time, it doesn't really matter whether it's through sex or conversation or hot tub soaking or boardgames or whatever.

Have Fun, and everything else will fall into place. :-)

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
Username hidden
(789 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
We have been with several "newbys" and have a procedure that seem's to work. After getting to know the couple (can take some time) and deciding to play, we found that it works best for all to be in the same room and only two engage in sex at first. While the other two are at there side and in constant communications. Whoever is the most nervis, reluctant, worried, scared or jealous whatever that word is to describe the negative feelings that a person may have, be it the him or her, they are the first to engage in sex. That way both partners can kiss one and other and provide reassurance that they are still in love. Once the initial penitration cricsis is over the other two can begin to have sex, but staying within touching and kissing distance of there partner. We have helped three other couples into the lifestyle with this technique and found that it workes well. Doug & Linn

Graceham MD
 
 
Username hidden
(103 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
This has been an informative read. Since, pretty soon we hope to be that "new couple."

Long before reading this thread, I'd come to the conclusion that I really don't know how I'd react to see my wife with another man. I've already seen her with another woman, and loved it. But there's something different about another man, and I'm being honest with myself. I have no idea what will happen in my head when I actually see it. And I think you guys are probably dead-on that NO ONE knows what they'll think until it happens.

It's kind of like being shot at. Every soldier likes to think they'll be John Freakin Wayne when it hits the fan. Most soldiers fantasize about it. They "see" themselves reacting bravely and professionally. However, the reality is, no one knows how they'll react until they're actually taking incoming. I view this potential experience the same way. No way to know 'till it happens.

However, I'm taking some steps to mitigate the potential shock. I'm warning couples I'm contacting that we're new. I'm warning them that we want to ease into things. I'm warning them that, initially, there will be ground rules. I'm warning them that I'll be prone to pull the plug and bail at any moment, and my wife may do the same. And I think I'm warning them, if for no other reason, than to reinforce the warnings to myself.

So far, everyone I've talked to has been really cool with all of the caveats we're attaching. This is good. It's making us both more comfortable. I sure hope I'm approaching this in a sane manner.

Thoughts?

Charleston WV
 
 
Username hidden
(1 post)
User Details are only visible to members.
Hey all. We are new to lifestyle. Virgins to it actually, so I guess we are potential for some of these horror stories. I would imagine, and hope, there is a tasteful way to "change" ones mind. I keep hearing no pressure no pressure but what really are the expectations? Of course we have no idea how we will react until we are in the position. I can only hope if either of us were uncomfortable we would try to discuss it with each other. What is the "polite" way to stop when no pressure is reiterated over and over. Now, the goal would be to follow through and everyone have a wonderful time but I think the safety net of stopping whenever my wife and/or I choose is a nice emotional shield. Would love to do a large meet and greet at hotel. Seems like this way if we "chicken" out at least other opportunities would be available. And even if we "wimped" out it would be so hot to at least have sex with each other in a large crowd even if we didn't do full swap. So please don't give up on all us newbies. Thanks for listening.

Saint Paul MN
 
 
Username hidden
(12 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
MrsPandMe, I know it feels that way. What happens is this fact: you never really know how you are going to feel about seeing your husband or wife having sex with another person and enjoying it until you look over and its happening. So most of us have been with a new couple and one of them decides to get mad and/or jealous when our pants are at our ankles. So in truth, its kind of like the single male theory, instead of working with new couples you just simply avoid them. HOWEVER. We ALL started out as newbies and you can't become experienced unless couples give you a chance!!! When we play with a new couple we have different standards than we do for more experienced swingers. Number one in truth, I'm expecting erection issues. Just his being nervous, the newness of everything, I'm never surprised if his little friend doesn't work...its to be expected. And we are very privy of her feelings. I talk with her beforehand and she is made completely aware that she can stop things at any time. We have patience. As a new couple you just need to let the couple know that this will be your first time. Sorry, no one has meant to make you feel unwelcome or unwanted. Shelly

San Marcos TX
 
 
Username hidden
(23995 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
hey never said we wouldn't just haven't

Lake Worth FL
 
 
Username hidden
(7207 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Wow! Looks like it's pretty tough to be a newbie at this. A whole page of people who don't want anything to do with a new couple!

We feel like pariahs now!

Anyone have any POSITIVE experiences with new couples?

Dallas TX
 
 
Username hidden
(55 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Yeah, I've said it before. You never know how you are really going to feel about seeing your spouse having sex with someone else until you really do see it......fantasy is one thing but reality definately is another. I think that newbies should be given a chance of course, because all of us had a first time too....but the experienced couple really should not count on a fantastic time. Sorry, but in our experience that is the truth. Shelly

San Marcos TX
 
 
Username hidden
(23995 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
we've never beena new couples first. That being said, we've had some serious drama with "experienced couples"

Lake Worth FL
 
 
Username hidden
(7207 posts)
User Details are only visible to members.
Wow, those are horror stories! I agree, when a couple tells us that we would be their first we usually look at each other and go "oh snap". Our 2 regular couples we play with mostly are very experienced, and NO DRAMA!!! Its SO great when 3 couples can be having a mini orgy and there is only FUN and no drama, just fun. Unfortunately though, until a newbie is given a shot they do not get to be experienced. Shelly

San Marcos TX
 
 
Username hidden
(23995 posts)
GoTo Page: 1 2 3 4 5
Start   31 to 40 of 47   End
TOPIC: Being a new couples first