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Being a new couples first : Swingers Discussion 76919
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FORUMSSuccessful SwingingFirst ContactBeing a new couples first
TOPIC: Being a new couples first
Created by: CCreekcouple
Original Starting post for this thread:
We had been chatting with and had actually met a couple a few times to see if there was a connection there and finally all decided to meet for playing. We had planned on going to a club for dancing and then on to a room from there. This was going to be the first time for this couple. Everything was going well at the club until the dancing started. I danced with his wife and he and my wife were sitting back chatting. Long story short after he seen me dancing with his wife he blew up and grabbed his wife and left. He had a look in his eyes that could kill. Have any of you had bad experiences with couples playing their first time? I've been thinking how bad it could have been if we had made it to the room and he seen me with his wife sexually. Also any suggestions on catching something like this before it happens?

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Congratulations, Rubitoo, and thanks for posting your thoughts. The swinging lifestyle will give you opportunities like you won't believe to work on your communication skills together, as well as opportunities to learn new things about yourselves. Yep, your reactions can surprise you, regardless of how ready you believe you are for the reality. As time passes and you become acclimatized, don't forget how it is for you now. When you're both old hands, extend the same helpfulness to others who're new that you received from your experienced couple. what goes around, comes around. :-)


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Ok this is coming from a couple of newbies ourselves. We've only been apart of the lifestyle for a month or so. We met a more experience couple for dinner and drinks last week. We instantly clicked with them and decided we wanted to play. We made a play date for a few days Later. To tell you the truth, as ready as I felt or thought I was for it, I have to admit that I wasn't totally sure how I'd feel seeing another guy with my wife. We decided to play separate at first then meet up later. When I walked in the room later to grab some more condoms and saw them together, it was a little weird at first, but way more of a turn on I must say. I guess it's like whats been said before, some people may think they are ready, but soon realize that maybe they aren't after all. I'm thankful for the more experience couple that decided to take the chance on a couple of newbie like us and helped us break into a experience and a truly new lifestyle.

Bakersfield CA
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Best of luck to you and welcome to the forums!

Gibsonia PA
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These are certainly dated posts, but we want to thank the posters for the very sound advice they posted here. We are newbies and still virgins at the lifestyle. We have been chatting with a number of couples, and the consensus seems to be they are not interested in newbies, and it has been suggested that we go find other newbies to play with.

Lots of good advice was posted here, and we assure you, we shall follow it well.

Buena NJ
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The suggestion of lots of communication and easing into things are of course good ones.

Our path into this is somewhat different than I hear described here. The descriptions I see are along the lines of "be right there holding his/her hand, helping with feelings of insecurity/jealousy". For us (well, her) it was actually more comfortable to be in separate rooms. That way there wasn't the nervousness of being with someone else *and* the first time being watched having sex. In fact, we haven't done same room yet (though may soon, fingers crossed).

Now, that path may depend on the issue being more about nervousness, embarrassment than about jealousy. And I think we have been secure in the knowledge that the other is not running off with someone else, will be coming back, etc. And the build-up to the first sexual encounter (for her, in our case) was a long one and they were good friends by then.

Anyway, I wanted to share the idea that there are different paths available for easing into things slowly.

-Steve

Santa Fe NM
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Baby steps are good, and discussing your feelings and fears is absolutely necessary. However, talk will only go so far. Sometimes the reality surprises and hits people a lot harder than they'd thought it would. That can tell you that A) it's time to slow down, or B) someone wasn't being totally honest either with themselves or you, or C) swinging is just an idea that sounds good but won't work for you.

It's been said in a dozen different threads, but it's true nonetheless; Swinging isn't for everyone. Sometimes it just won't work for some people no matter how they want it or work at it. If you tried camping, or motorcycle riding, boating, or any other joint recreation, and it just wasn't working for you, you'd move on to something else, right? Why would swinging be any different?

Jealousy is natures way of telling you "I'm Afraid!!". If you can't do anything about the underlying cause(s) of the fear, you may want to consider another field of recreation. Just a suggestion, of course.

JnD


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Our first time was with an more experienced couple. It went very good.

Circle Pines MN
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boigjen...

Welcome to the forums. If you guys had an issue with just kissing...then I would consider regrouping and proceeding with baby steps. Sometimes the lifestyle is just not for everybody, interest is not enough to get you by with all the pitfalls that will fall your way. Sounds like a little more talking before hand about potential acts(sex) and how one is going to feel afterward about each other witnessing the other preforming said acts is in order for things to proceed.

Best of luck to you in your search for a positive outcome:)

Littleton CO
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It sure sounds as though they weren't singing from the same sheet of music, or at the very least not communicating very well. While the reality of seeing your partner with someone else can hit harder than you expect, it doesn't sound like things even got that far. I'd suspect that he likely was fooling himself about how ready He was for swinging and her receptivity probably set him off. Count yourself lucky that you and his wife weren't actually 'engaged' when he went off...it could've gotten Really ugly.

This is why we're always happy to chat with new people, but prefer to move Very slowly with them. They don't always know themselves how they're going to react, even though they likely believe they do. People surprise themselves all the time. :-) Some are surprised at how little it bothers them and how much they enjoyed themselves, some are surprised at how hard it hits them...right between the eyes...seeing/hearing their partner with someone else. You just never really know 'til you're there.

Jack n Darlene


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O.P exactly why I prefer to stick with experienced swing friends.

Spring TX
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TOPIC: Being a new couples first