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FORUMS Successful Swinging First Contact And THIS is why people don't respond to emails
TOPIC: And THIS is why people don't respond to emails
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first contact from a SM this morning.

he's 21. sum total of the message:"Heyy"

**delete**

Manville NJ
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For all of the stories that I've heard, about how people respond, in a nasty way, after their their advances have been rebuked, seems like a good indicator of behaviour that the solicitor no longer feels a need to hide. This dates back years.

I can understand, why some people have given up, considering the lack of common courtesy, that sometimes comes with on-line interactions. The main thing is, you can’t take ownership of it.

As SLOdoublet mentioned, if not responding to you, in a timeframe that you have arbitrarily deemed courteous, sets you off, then perhaps we shouldn't have met, to begin with. Life happens, man.

If they've read your profile and have respected your boundaries, then, when time permits, they deserve, at least, a quick, "Thanks but no thanks."

If they didn't read your profile and presented themselves, anyway, then they have chosen not to respect your boundaries. If you reply, despite this, then you are being terribly courteous. The internet is not an excuse for impoliteness. You wouldn’t go to a wedding and hit on the bride. I always reply, by the way. I prefer to err on the side of courteousness.

If they respond negatively, after that, then clearly, you've made Indie proud because you've chosen wisely.

If you’re going to get upset because you’re not happy with how other people feel, then that’s on you and my day is no worse off. If you offered me a gift and I refused it, then that gift would still be yours. If you call me names and I don’t accept them, then those are yours, also. I’m going to laugh and carry on with my day.

If it wasn’t so bizarre, to play with people, like that, it could be considered a vetting process - You seem normal. Let’s see what happens, after waiting four days.

My two cents worth, anyway...

Montreal Canada
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I love the "no drama" mantra trotted out on a profile that strangely takes a day off when someone doesn't respond to an email in what is deemed an appropriate time frame.

Life happens, shit happens, sometimes we don't respond to emails until we've both perved the sender(s), sometimes we don't want to lose track of someone that isn't within our immediate neighborhood (which is most people sadly), there can be a million reasons, they don't have to be considered nefarious.

Keep it light, have fun, this shit shouldn't ruin your day or be cause for thinking of ways to get back... That is anything BUT drama free.

Corvallis OR
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discovery zones, welcome to the forums!

good post. this topic has been debated a whole lot. i usually like to send a reply to nearly everyone.

but, there are exceptions. the SM's and (also!) the couples who send a one line, not even full sentence message: something along the lines of hey wanna get down now? those usually come from people who don't fit my preferences and who, if they'd bothered to read my profile, would've known: smokers. obviously not HWP. male bi or bi curious. etc.

these days, those kinds of messages just get deleted.

sad to say that some of the folks i have put together a thanks but no thanks message to--reply back negatively. the folks who reply back with a thanks for your reply--i take note of their courtesy in case i am ever inclined to look them up again.

Manville NJ
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Well like most of life there would seem to be shades of grey to this question in our opinion. Below we have written some tiers of such circumstances.

If you send or receive an email of interest/ introduction to/from someone(s) who clearly did not read a profile for requirements and standards, well, a reply should not be expected! A reply should not be expected even if the profile was read and a thoughtful and well written counterpoint is presented for consideration.

(Ex. Think of individuals that accost you with religious information or materials you have expressed no interest.)

If you post (solicit) a hotdate or party and the response(s) meets stated criteria then a reply should be sent.

(Ex. You have advertised your home for sale and a qualified, pre-approved genuinely interested party shows up at your open house. They deserve your attention and some basic consideration.)

If your dealing with a person(s) who solicit your attention and you engage them with your time and are treated rudely or with less than the consideration you have given to them. These would include misrepresentation of age , physical condition, relationship status and behaviors such as excessive drinking not showing up for the date if the even match the physical appearance they have presented. When these failing occur, well, its understandable if your response or reaction is a little short or snippy! There is an unspoken degree of ethics to adhere to of basic civility and mutual consideration to actually match the opportunity and a genuine interest to meet which for some couples involves schedule considerations, monetary expense of child care and time away from family activities.

(Ex. Your hold up your end of an agreement and either are dealing with a party who tries to renegotiate terms or cannot execute the details or the contrac you have defined.)

Its really just requires some common sense!

Edison NJ
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Wow, the swinging gods must be smiling upon us.

We no sooner post concerning the total lack of manners and rude behavior that is pervasive on sls when we see a gratuitously insulting missive from AndrewRobin, someone who we have never met, never emailed with and never had the misfortune to post in a thread with before.

Talk about proving our case. The prosecution rests your honor.

Stamford CT
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jandact,

Jesus fuckin christ, pull the stick out of your ass. I thought I was bad.

Hilliard OH
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Boy did hit the nail on the head. I have been around for a while and it never changes , 20 percent real and 80 percent rude or bs. Bob

Matlacha FL
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In our experience people here on SLS are the rudest we have encountered anywhere on the 'net. Other than crude emails we answer everyone and do not recall getting any nastygrams in response to our declinations. In fact we get more than a few replies from people we have declined thanking us for responding because as they put it 'so very few bother.'

We would guesstimate that of the emails we send we get responses from perhaps 5-10% and if you look at the pics we have posted and our hwp stats we are not unattractive, perhaps not everyone's cut of tea but not fugly by any means and since we try to say something in our message that shows we have read their profile it is galling not to get even the canned standard 'thanks but no thanks' reply.

As an aside there is also a special place in swinger hell for those who do not even open the message but just look at it in the preview pane and, of course, mostly never bother to reply. Those people are not only rude but their lack of consideration also requires us to look through our 'sent' folder, see that the message we sent is still unread and then click on their profile to see if they have been on since it was sent. In some cases more than once.

Life would be much simpler with a response. We could read the response, if negative click on their profile to close pics and make a note and move on. Nope, the inconsiderate do not give a shit that they make things harder for other with their self centered attitudes.

Finally, every so often karma smiles on us and gives us a 'goes around moment' when we run into a couple who ignored our email and they express interest. Since we have pretty good memories we do not hesitate to point out that we had emailed before and they had not replied. The silence that follows is delightful as they twist looking for something to say to explain their lack of courtesy. Of course, we always decline their new found interest because we value courtesy in our friends and play partners.

Stamford CT
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Personally, I was raised that it is rude not to reply to someone who speaks to you. I fully understand if the person was crude, ie. I wanna fuck that ass, or in some sense did not read your profile and was WAY off base with what you are looking for. But I am talking about the polite, articulate queries that are sent, in an attempt to make a contact. We always explain our likes and desires, outside the LS, and if we contact a single woman, ask HER to choose the place of meeting, understanding the desire and need to be careful. But to be brutally honest, far toomany are just rude, and figure you will get that no response, is a NO response. But if someone takes the time to write a decently worded and polite note, then the same should be sent back to them, whether to accept or decline. At least that is how we view this. We give and expect dignity and respect. If you can't show that via email, then we wouldn't have been a good match anyway, I guess. Come on, guys, just TRY to find the time for a quick, polite reply.

Vandergrift PA
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TOPIC: And THIS is why people don't respond to emails