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FORUMS › Successful Swinging › Finding Playmates › racism in the lifestyle
TOPIC: racism_in_the_lifestyle
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So, actually, if you just stated the positive: " I am usually attracted to white men" rather than stating the negative: "I am not usually attracted to black men," the former would not sound "racist" because of the positivity of the statement. It isn't excluding anyone, yet the latter statement does sound as if it's exclusive.

I'm just restating what I think I'm hearing here.

My husband isn't usually attracted to redheads, but there are exceptions, and he views each woman individually. Race, however you want to define it, is set by differences that are mostly seen (color, for example...how can color actually be a race? but that's what's seen). So, why isn't "redhead" a race?

See how silly this can get? It's pretty much in the manner in which race is defined. And that can be such an individual thing, because, really, there is no definition of race. Culture, yes. Ethnicity, yes. Race? Pretty much an invented thing.

I still say I'd like to do away with limiting and inhibiting labels. Bi-sexual, Straight, Gay. I like Shel's term "wavy." Hell, I like Shel. I'm not anything more or less than just Sexual, whether I'm with girls or guys, depends on how i feel, what I'm craving at any given time, and what mood I'm in, or what attracts me. The same could (and probably should) be said about race too. And size. And age. I can never say that "I am not attracted to ____(insert label of choice)" because when I say that, that's usually when I am VERY surprised by someone with that same label, and find that I AM attracted to that very person that I was too quick to dismiss. It's an individualized thing for me, and even so, the same type of person that may attract me one night, might not the next time.

The nature of a Gemini perhaps? Or maybe a very sensitive woman? Not sure why...just know myself well enough to know that I don't have those set preferences in place. And when preferences/bias are set in place, then who am I to judge your ideal? It just means that you have more specific attraction levels, not necessarily that you are racist.

I cannot imagine Shel or others saying or emailing, "no, I'm sorry. I won't flirt, socialize, play, fuck, touch or kiss you...because you're black." I can imagine people saying, "I"m sorry, I'm just not attracted, or we're not a match." I don't know. I know this is lengthy, but my stream of consciousness has overtaken my typing fingers.

I wonder sometimes if I do have set preferences, or just how open I consider myself. There are pics where I KNOW I am not attracted, but even more often, there are written profiles/emails that counter the pics where I AM attracted physically. It's complicated. Or maybe I am complicated. I'd like to think I'm complex.

At any rate, I am not siding with anyone particularly, nor am I making a judgment. Maybe I don't know myself and my own likes and dislikes well enough to settle this debate for myself. I was a victim of oppression and my opinions and likes and dislikes were mandated for me by others. It's why I can discover them now for myself through writing (always could do so through writing), but sometimes it might take many paragraphs before I am enlightened.

Gina.

San Antonio TX
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Actually, I was wrong. COGIC is based out of Memphis, Tennessee.

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lol. mister, my best friend is african american and my mother is mexican american. My son's Godparents are african americans, Jay and my Godson is an african american and I was a member of the Church of God in Christ for years. If you know anything about COGIC you know that it is an african american church based out of Nashville, Tennessee. No sir, I would disagree with you on the fact that I am a racist. I view all people as just that, people and have always taught my children that way. Do not think to call me a racist sir. Because I am naturally attracted to men of the caucasian persuasion does NOT mean I am planning on joining the white supremacists.

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u can word it any crazy way u choose... but not being attracted to someone because they are darker in skin color than you or lighter, is racist. you were brought up that way and taught that in your home or environment by racist people and now guess what you are...

think outside the box and broaden your horizons.

Maybrook NY
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lost....what does it make you then? ...if you don't view someone on the merits of the person as an individual?

Chicago IL
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We don't think you or your partner should ever engage in any intimate activities that either is uncomfortable with -- whether it's a particular activity, a setting, a partner (for whatever reason), etc., etc. We wouldn't mess with stoners, for example. We never "take one for the team" and 98% of our play is with people we are genuine friends with, and who are on the same page as we are, as far as likes and dislikes go.

Charlotte NC
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I agree that one should never do that. However in the same token, because a person is not sexually attracted to most (sometimes all) members of a race it does not make them a racist either.

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well ...actually I mentioned nothing like that(about white peolpe that is).

The bottom line is...I just think it's silly and sort of dumb to take an entire race of people and say..."I'm not attracted" whatever that race may be.

Chicago IL
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I do see your point. However, I know for a fact that minorities can be as pre-judgemental against whites as whites can be about minorities. My family is mexican american and I'll tell you what...you bring home a blonde hair blue eyed girl in my family....and lets NOT discuss if she is non-catholic...and you are going to hear about it. My best friend in Germany is african american. We were bored and went to a party of her friends stag. We were told to leave because I am not black. My point is this. We are very quick to assume that only white people have pre-judged views. This is a very common mis-conception.

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yes...I do believe that people should think as I do...in so far as that they would view each person on the merits of that pesron as an individual.

that way you'd never hear ..."I don't find black people attractive"...or you can insert any type of ethnicity.

Chicago IL
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TOPIC: racism in the lifestyle
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