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Worth the wait : Swingers Discussion 197008101
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TOPIC: Worth the wait
Created by: FlirtAway
Original Starting post for this thread:
I just wanted to throw this out to some of the new couples on here who maybe haven't had their first experience yet. We made a big mistake our first time that almost ruined swinging for us.

I know the initial rush of finding a couple can blind you, almost like an impulse buy. Don't be afraid to take your time and wait. Our first time, we didn't and it ended horribly. We decided to give it one more try and met another brand new couple. We all talked back and forth a ton the week leading up to our first meeting. We made sure that we all clicked, all wanted the same things, and we didn't compromise what we wanted (they wanted the same), we preplanned and talked about every issue before hand, and in the end it made for an amazing experience for all of us.

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Just kinda worked out that way. We would hang out g-rated and end up playing. Then as time went on, we hung out g-rated and didnt play. There was no discussion about it or anything.

Mount Juliet TN
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Nothing wrong with that at all. No two couples are identical.

I sound a little distant and "hardcore" about it but there is nothing wrong with swinging however youre comfortable.

We've had couples that wanted us to just come over to their house after one email and fuck. Now thats way too fast for us.

We've had others who we have become really close "real-world" friends with and heck, we dont even play anymore. Thats awesome too

Mount Juliet TN
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I'm sorry but I don't think I would ever want to fuck someone without emotion.

Keeping CERTAIN emotions out (shame, love, guilt, etc) I get. No emotions...man, just seems like the sex would suck. Lust, passion, trust, joy.....those are emotions too and great ones. Definitly ones I wouldn't want to be without.

Google Roda Emosi Plutchik emotion wheel. There are a lot of good emotions there.

Grand Blanc MI
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Those who know my writing by now know I tend to exaggerate my points in my posts a bit...lol

We are all for making close friends with couples and have in the past before we moved. Our best friends in NY started off as playmates.

I think my point is moreso that we are just more laidback than most.

We enjoy playing with others, we love the company and the excitement. But we dont think too much into it emotionally.

We're neither hardcore nor shy. And not pushy either.

We will gladly hang out and get to know a couple and if it leads to friends instead of sex or both, great.

And I agree its more fun with couples when you become friends. Once the initial shyness leaves. And you can just sit around naked after and joke around and hang out. When the "performance" becomes secondary.

Single guys are different to us. For our own reasons we choose not to get to know them and dont want to pursue a friendship. We do just want them for their performance.

But all others.....Bring it on.

Mount Juliet TN
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Sweet...I agree completely. We see swinging as an exciting adventure and like any adventure it involves some risk....perhaps that's part of the allure .

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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"It's more like driving a vette full throttle down hwy 95." With possibility road construction,potholes, deer in the road ,stupid drivers and toll booths. You never know until it is over how good or bad the road trip will be lol.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I've never used the word mistake in a swinging context but we've had our share of "growing" experiences for sure. Keep in mind that no matter how much you talk, how much attraction you think you feel the night can still be a flop. Even when you "think" you've covered all the bases , rules, wants, desires and preferences each situation brings it's unique challenges and rewards. There will always be something that you just didn't think of or expect. As mentioned communication is critical but not foolproof. After each encounter we thoroughly discuss the good , the bad and the ugly so to speak. Initially you will spend more time learning what you don't want as apposed to what you seek. Patience, an open mind and the willingness to learn from your "mistakes" is required. Remove the negative thought process of chalking those kinds of experiences as a mistake and focus on what you learned about yourself and each other to make the next encounter more enjoyable for you. Swinging does not come with a instruction manual , much like parenting it is trial and error and using common sense and educating yourself about the potential pitfalls. Like being a parent the more experience you have the more comfortable you will feel in making the right decisions. Always follow your gut instinct, if something feels "off" it probably is . Much like any relationship sometimes 2 perfectly wonderful couples come together and create a chaos. It doesn't mean their is anything wrong with you or wrong with them, it simply means you are compatible. Good Luck and don't wait until your feet dry to jump back in try again. Also keep in mind the more you build something or someone up in your mind the hard the fall is potentially. Sometimes our "fantasy" can be the biggest deterrent to actually enjoying ones self. We make it SO perfect in our mind that the reality is bound to fall short. Keep things in perspective and your expectations realistic.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Joey, as you said, people have different attitudes towards it. Personally when I was single and even when I was dating my now wife, I didn't look at sex as "playing basketball in the driveway". I'm sure there are lots of people who look at it as playtoys and I respect that. In a way I do to, but I have heard of couples who only play with a couple twice, only once, people they don't even know their names. If you are just in it to get a nut I guess that works, I just think you might miss out on a lot that way too. I'm sure many choose quantity over quality. Especially since getting to know someone involves a deeper commitment and bigger trust between partners.

I find it rare to get a girl off the first time I am with her, yet I have never had a girl I can't get off after a time or two. By getting to know her, knowing what she likes and how she likes it, I am able to please her WAY better so she doesn't have to fake it. To me that is way more worth it.

Grand Blanc MI
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People have different attitudes toward sex and swinging.

To some, sex is something personal and intimate and it is a HUGE HUGE thing to bring in someone else or see their partner bring in someone else.

Others are like "Whats the big deal? its sex!"

Personally, sex with others is no different to me emotion wise than if we were playing basketball in the driveway. Its just an activity thats fun. I dont feel or look for any emotional connection.

This may sound a little harsh, but for the most part, for us in this lifestyle, people are just sextoys for us.

So to watch my wife with someone else. I enjoy it. I find it hot. I get turned on. But I dont get any negative emotions out of it.

We dont get to know people well enough to add to any drama. It really is "Lets have a penis over tonight"

There happens to be a guy attached. But thats just the price you pay.

Now. He may suck at sex or performance. So we chalk that up as a lousy lay. But certainly nothing that would scare us away from trying another.

Now with that said. We have made some of our best friends with couples from this lifestyle. So we're not all hardcore about it.

Maybe its because of our experience. We dont have to "get to know" people or "chat until we're comfortable"

We're comfortable already.

Mount Juliet TN
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Communication is key. We spend a lot of time chatting/emailing before meeting. Asking and answering. It's worked out very well for us so far. Establishing a comfort level before the meet, then we know what is on the table and helped moved playtime forward, less awkward silences. So, take your time, make sure it's right for BOTH of you, then have fun. Make new friends first and then the benefits are bonus.

Las Vegas NV
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TOPIC: Worth the wait