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When does 'keeping in touch' become 'pestering' : Swingers Discussion 88214
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FORUMSSuccessful SwingingFinding PlaymatesWhen does 'keeping in touch' become 'pestering'
TOPIC: When does 'keeping in touch' become 'pestering'
Created by: JackDarlene
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Hey, we have had the experience and probably will have many more. People just seem to have difficulty being honest. I think people think it is the polite think to say "keep in touch". In this lifestyle honesty can be difficult b/c you don't want to hurt anyone feelings then compound that with someone's inability to say this was just a one time thing results in people just disappearing or not responding to e-mails. Honesty upfront would have let everyone know it was a one time thing or whatever.

Initially, when we first started we tired to find out what went wrong but then realized that it was a waste of energy. We now know it is time to cut our losses when we are putting in more effort into maintaining contact then the other couple.

Lansing MI
 
 
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house parties yes you need a invite. M&Gs are usually open.

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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didn't know that, about M&G's not needing an invitation. Always operated on the basis of "if you're not invited, you're not welcome". Learn something new every day. :-)

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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Scotty:

Sorry if I gave the impression that we could Never hook up with people. We've met many very nice cpls, some more than once, after making special arrangements so we could both be off at the same time. Then they disappear after saying "had a wonderful time, let's do it again!". We try not to be pests by msg'g or calling too often, but how often is 'too often'? If we don't hear back from someone for three months, despite "we had a nice time and would like to see you again", we just figure they're bullshitting and move on. Or are we missing something? I'll concede that I'm often socially clueless. :-)

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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well what do you expect jack? If you can NEVER get together what do you want from people?

If it were us, if we wanted to take our time to meet you and it was always "we can't she's working I'm working ect" we'd move on. If you can't afford a few drinks and have a day off what do you want from people? Most M&Gs don't require an invitation at least here anyway.

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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Scotty:

Can't do M&G's, even if we were invited. She works every weekend, I work weekdays. That sort of makes it difficult to do things together and I for sure wouldn't want to attend a party without her...we're a pair. Finally had to put a note in our profile that we're just dropping out for a while 'cuz of the impossibility of really & truly geting face time with anyone.

Started a new grp here a while ago and can't even get anyone there interested in doing anything involving face time. Apathy reigns supreme in SLS!

JnD

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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jack,

Don't know how to answer that for you. As to teh house parties. We like meet and greets better, and we've never spent more than 30 or 40 dollars at them for drinks.

Maybe try that.

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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Scotty:

So when does it become 'too much', trying to stay in contact? We've generally figured that if someone says 'please stay in touch, we'd love to get with you again' that they mean what they say. However, when we can see them online almost daily, our email and the occasional call is ignored for several months, we've gotta figure that they're bullshitting for their own reasons. I figure; 3 mo's + no response at all = "not interested, regardless of what we said" and it's time to quit trying to stay in contact.

We know about the fakes, but their certs say that some of these people are for real. Is our experience pretty common? What does everyone else do about ppl who say 'sure, keep in touch, we'd love to see you again!' and then ignore you? When does keeping in touch change to being a pest??

Our work schedules and budget keep us from attending club events and we haven't been invited to any house parties in several years, so online is our only means of connecting with other ppl. About ready to say to hell with it all.

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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Jack, Maybe it's the tye dyed tshirts? Just kidding.

You know we don't mind emails from people. A quick email every now and then shouldnt' be a bother to people unless they say so. Now if you're crossing over the line to stalker .... another story.

Who knows why people do what they do, why they don't respond to emails or can't just be honest. Just accept it as human nature and move on.

Hope that helps.

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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Just wondering at what point trying to keep in touch with someone moves over into 'pestering' territory. I can't say how many cpls we've crossed paths with and gotten along well with, perhaps even met once or twice, and then 'poof' they disappear from our lives. We try to drop the occasional email or phone call on them to let them know we're still out here. If we get anything at all back, it's generally along the lines of 'we're busy right now but will get back with you later', or 'she/he has health issues right now but we still want to get with you', 'yes, we'd enjoy seeing you again' (then silence), or 'she/he is off traveling right now but we'll get back with you when they're back'...etc. After a few months we just quit trying to stay in touch, figuring that there's no real interest but they just don't want to say so. Is this common? Why wouldn't they just come out and say 'you're nice people but we just don't feel any attraction' instead of leaving us dangling?? At what point do you just draw the line and write 'em off? We sure don't want to be guilty of pestering people who don't want to hear from us, but we don't want to fall out of touch through neglect either.

We don't attend houseparties (no invites) or club events (no $ or time), so it's not as though we're going to cross paths with them very often to keep up the acquaintance.

Fairview Heights IL
 
 
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TOPIC: When does 'keeping in touch' become 'pestering'