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Mysteriously Vanishing Swingers : Swingers Discussion 211543106
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TOPIC: Mysteriously Vanishing Swingers
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Same old song and dance... It happens to everyone, don't take it personally. You'd think single guys trying to hook up with single guys would be easy but it even happens there too, trust me.

I figure it's better to keep weeding out those folks than to fret over it. Eventually we all meet some decent folks who aren't flakes and understand that we're not all looking for the exact same thing but can "overlap" enough to enjoy each other's company for a while.

Herndon VA
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Oh, and we have been in the LS for over 7 years and are a full swap couple. So, yes it happens to everyone even we seasoned swingers. We even had a guy friend who I told him about our party this weekend over 3 weeks ago and the night of the party I call him to confirm and he was like, "Oh, my buddy and I are going to this club in Michigan, I didn't think you were having the party." Really?!?!? Well, he got into a fight with some guy so it serves him right! He is now blocked from our little group. I guess your best bet and where we had the best luck was at private parties. I have also heard that clubs are good too although we have never been. Just make sure you tell people up front what exactly your preferences are. We always get mad when we get hot and heavy with a couple who wait until the last minute to tell us they are soft swap! That is why we like Partyperks(Illinois) because they have wrist bands that tell you the preference beforehand. We don't mind a soft swap if we know what we are getting into ahead of time.

Joliet IL
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If you think that is bad try hosting a party! Ha! We always get everyone telling us that we should have parties or invite us to your next party and when we do no one shows up! Gee, wonder why we don't want to host parties anymore?!?!?!?

Joliet IL
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I (male half here) will add that the first few months here were overwhelming regarding emails--and that was even with SMs blocked. I was lucky to have had a little previous experience here as a single guy, and so knew the ropes a bit, but we really got inundated when the couples' profile came up. Things dried up pretty quickly, though. We're kind of selective, and you can spot the BS artists and flybys pretty easily.

Taking this stuff slow and easy is the way to go.

Tempe AZ
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Regarding what another poster said. Single guys are by far the worst at this.

Mount Juliet TN
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We have the same issues with folks - and suspect we're doing the same with others. There is a lot of "life gets in the way" going on as well as the lack of easy to navigate email tools for msgs. With the number of messages we get or send each day it's hard to remember who is "it" (as in "tag, you're it") and owes the response. We do reply to everything we get and do try to follow up on firm planning attempts (like "does next Wednesday sound good?")...but if we send that and someone doesn't get back to us we figure that something has come up on their end or they've seen something they don't like so they're not interested anymore and are trying not to hurt our feelings by saying something like "we saw that pic of her spread out on the pole and that's so skanky we can't believe you'd ever think we'd want to play with you..." If we get a "we should get together sometime" type of reply, that may get lost because those are pretty noncommittal and hard to track. So we don't get too wound up about people vanishing....Except when they're setting a date and then make life hard. That does tend to happen more with guys - they're all set, you've made plans and then they say "7:30? Aw geez, I work until 11 is it ok if I stop by then?" after having multiple back & forths about having a drink at 7:30 so everyone can get comfortable with each other...then when you tell him, "no, 11 isn't okay" and he starts coming back like Let's Make a Deal...time to ignore and if he's a pest we block.

Think lots of guys would like to do this but run rabbit when the opportunity to do it in real life arises.

Westerly RI
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We are having the same problem with single men. We e-mail people we are interested in, and have had some single men who are interested...but after a few e-mails and sharing a pic or two they vanish or say it's to far to drive when we had already asked them if it would be a problem and they said no. My husband and I are getting very frustrated with single men that seem to just want pictures or to have some sexy talk and then back out. Oh Well.

Monroe MI
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No kidding, Islanders. We've seen quite a few whose pics do NOT match their actual appearances....Photos a couple of years old are one thing; college shots are quite another;)

And to expand on my last comment, we've had two last-minute cancellations since my post. We're not that "aggressive" in the LS, either. Bottom line: Everyone needs to be on the same page here. Don't make commitments you can't keep; I'm beginning to think most folks on this site are lying. I realize we're not Brangelina, but come on.... Frustrating!

Tempe AZ
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This thread has been most helpful. We are a bit new to this and have had this happen to us and we were confused. Couples would contact us, we would look over their profile, things would seem OK, a meet or dinner was arranged and then bam, they disappear and, in one case, block us. Not that we really cared one way or another, but we just wondered what was going on.

My wife and I mutually discuss everything before we proceed at all. Even the first reply to an e-mail (unless it is an obvious "not interested".) That can make us slow to respond to the first e-mail sometimes.

Actually we have yet to meet anyone on this site. It has been helpful for us to find events though. Speaking of events. It is interesting how different people look in their pictures than they do in person. Are these pics 10 years old or what?

Cocoa Beach FL
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In most cases we find with a couple that they are not both equally involved.

Maybe they tossed around the idea and he made a profile and ran with it, then when the meet is set shes like "WOAH, wait a minute? We just kinda talked about it a bit"

We have met a couple before where she had no idea why we were actually meeting, he figured once we had dinner and hung out "we could seduce her into it"

I think with us personally, there is usually a less than above board reason why they dont meet or cancel at the last minute.

We make it sooo easy and laid back. We generally have a "no play on first date" policy, unless they really want it. Its just meeting at a public place and having dinner. And we make it extremely clear there is no expectation beyond dinner.

I can understand anxiety and cold feet, but the way we do it, there is no real legitimate reason not to meet us after we agree.

Yes, life happens, things come up. But with the frequency that we get canceled on, we have heard the same excuses so many times that we honestly dont believe anyone anymore.

Mount Juliet TN
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TOPIC: Mysteriously Vanishing Swingers