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TOPIC: Mysteriously Vanishing Swingers
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Regarding what another poster said. Single guys are by far the worst at this.

Mount Juliet TN
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(663 posts)
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We have the same issues with folks - and suspect we're doing the same with others. There is a lot of "life gets in the way" going on as well as the lack of easy to navigate email tools for msgs. With the number of messages we get or send each day it's hard to remember who is "it" (as in "tag, you're it") and owes the response. We do reply to everything we get and do try to follow up on firm planning attempts (like "does next Wednesday sound good?")...but if we send that and someone doesn't get back to us we figure that something has come up on their end or they've seen something they don't like so they're not interested anymore and are trying not to hurt our feelings by saying something like "we saw that pic of her spread out on the pole and that's so skanky we can't believe you'd ever think we'd want to play with you..." If we get a "we should get together sometime" type of reply, that may get lost because those are pretty noncommittal and hard to track. So we don't get too wound up about people vanishing....Except when they're setting a date and then make life hard. That does tend to happen more with guys - they're all set, you've made plans and then they say "7:30? Aw geez, I work until 11 is it ok if I stop by then?" after having multiple back & forths about having a drink at 7:30 so everyone can get comfortable with each other...then when you tell him, "no, 11 isn't okay" and he starts coming back like Let's Make a Deal...time to ignore and if he's a pest we block.

Think lots of guys would like to do this but run rabbit when the opportunity to do it in real life arises.

Westerly RI
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We are having the same problem with single men. We e-mail people we are interested in, and have had some single men who are interested...but after a few e-mails and sharing a pic or two they vanish or say it's to far to drive when we had already asked them if it would be a problem and they said no. My husband and I are getting very frustrated with single men that seem to just want pictures or to have some sexy talk and then back out. Oh Well.

Monroe MI
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No kidding, Islanders. We've seen quite a few whose pics do NOT match their actual appearances....Photos a couple of years old are one thing; college shots are quite another;)

And to expand on my last comment, we've had two last-minute cancellations since my post. We're not that "aggressive" in the LS, either. Bottom line: Everyone needs to be on the same page here. Don't make commitments you can't keep; I'm beginning to think most folks on this site are lying. I realize we're not Brangelina, but come on.... Frustrating!

Tempe AZ
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This thread has been most helpful. We are a bit new to this and have had this happen to us and we were confused. Couples would contact us, we would look over their profile, things would seem OK, a meet or dinner was arranged and then bam, they disappear and, in one case, block us. Not that we really cared one way or another, but we just wondered what was going on.

My wife and I mutually discuss everything before we proceed at all. Even the first reply to an e-mail (unless it is an obvious "not interested".) That can make us slow to respond to the first e-mail sometimes.

Actually we have yet to meet anyone on this site. It has been helpful for us to find events though. Speaking of events. It is interesting how different people look in their pictures than they do in person. Are these pics 10 years old or what?

Cocoa Beach FL
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In most cases we find with a couple that they are not both equally involved.

Maybe they tossed around the idea and he made a profile and ran with it, then when the meet is set shes like "WOAH, wait a minute? We just kinda talked about it a bit"

We have met a couple before where she had no idea why we were actually meeting, he figured once we had dinner and hung out "we could seduce her into it"

I think with us personally, there is usually a less than above board reason why they dont meet or cancel at the last minute.

We make it sooo easy and laid back. We generally have a "no play on first date" policy, unless they really want it. Its just meeting at a public place and having dinner. And we make it extremely clear there is no expectation beyond dinner.

I can understand anxiety and cold feet, but the way we do it, there is no real legitimate reason not to meet us after we agree.

Yes, life happens, things come up. But with the frequency that we get canceled on, we have heard the same excuses so many times that we honestly dont believe anyone anymore.

Mount Juliet TN
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The "vanishing couple" syndrome is pretty common here. We've arranged to meet a few couples at a meet and greet, and then they don't show up. Luckily, we haven't been stood up in a one-on-one meet, but it's fairly common, too. I agree with BR's comment that it's probably due to a case of the husband contacting the other couple, and then when the wife sees the pics, profile, etc., for some reason or other, it's a no-go. I think the best thing is to have the wife participate in the "screening" process as early on as possible so that you're both on the same page. And one other thing--if for some reason, there isn't a mutual attraction, the nice ting to do is to tell the couple so. Most of us are mature enough to handle rejection, for Pete's sake! :)

Tempe AZ
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"I just don't trust the whole chatting ad nauseum thing..doesn't ever seem to work out. "

I have found it doesn't work as well with couples. Because usually its very one sided. On the other hand, the SM's I have had chatted with prior to meeting it usually works out very well.

PG

Louisville KY
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I think that is what happens....one member of the couple is doing the emailing, then the other takes a peek and decides to veto before the meet.

Pretty sure that is what happened to us. Couple who initiated contact (was the wife), chatted a few times in YIM, set up for a meet'ngreet, then no show. An hour later got a text apologizing, they overslept. She suggested dinner mid-week. We agreed. Contacted her the day in question and "he's not feeling well". After that, we never heard squat from them. We didn't push, sent one "hope you guys are well, sorry we couldn't make a meet" email. A week later she disappeared off our YIM contact list. Weird.

Other times we've been contacted, replied in kind, then hear nothing. Pretty sure either 1) they are just picture collectors or 2) the other half of the couple gave a veto.

While I (mrs svc) does all the e-stuff in here, I don't respond to emails in the positive before checking with mr svc. Not going to start something that he might not be interested. We both have to be in agreement before we go to the next step.

Las Vegas NV
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I think sometimes you're encountering a couple that really does swing, but it's the husband (sometimes wife) who initiates contact to get the ball rolling. The problem is that he'll keep exchanging messages, then the wife gets brought in toward the end and doesn't like their pics or feels like an outsider since the hubby is the one that has gotten to know them. So, they disappear.

Baton Rouge LA
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TOPIC: Mysteriously Vanishing Swingers