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The Good, Bad, and Ugly on my Profile: Your Input-Suggestions Appreciated, thanks in advance!! Rich in Calif : Swingers Discussion 193087
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FORUMSSuccessful SwingingBetter ProfilesThe Good, Bad, and Ugly on my Profile: Your Input-Suggestions Appreciated, thanks in advance!! Rich in Calif
TOPIC: The Good, Bad, and Ugly on my Profile: Your Input-Suggestions Appreciated, thanks in advance!! Rich in Calif
Created by: almondjoy69247
Original Starting post for this thread:
Good evening, while I've had great success (as Borat would say) meeting new people, couples, and women on similar networking sites, not getting as much traffic or attention as anticipated thus far here on SLS. I have pics available as well, maybe not utilizing them correctly. Any suggestions for change or enhancement, the good, the bad, and the ugly skinny, lol. Thanks & take care. Rich North Hills SFV, CA
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I'm flattered and thank you. I'd hate to think I reminded someone of a teacher like that lol

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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Mrs. Sav - My high school teacher was a radical feminist who thought that meant rarely washing her hair and wearing lots of oversized frocks. When she handed back a paper, she would get right in your face, with nasty breath, and peer over the top of her glasses while delivering one critical remark after another.

Those glasses were always attached to her face by a small strap and it took all my self-control not to rip them off and tell her in front of the class that she had stinky breath. Happy to say I do not have anger issues, but I must confess that I imagined that scenario a few times and always smiled at the thought of it.

To answer your question, today Teacher Jane would be twice your age, but even when she was half your age I doubt she could turn half the heads you could at twice her age.

Amherst Canada
 
 
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Maritimers,

Thank you kindly....hopefully your teacher is MUCH older than I lol.

Glad to hear your photos will be up shortly, womens biggest pet peeve is NO Photos of the male half ;) We won't even bother contacting a profile with no photos. I detest expressing interest only to have to kindly figure out how to say "Oh Hell No" lol

Mrs Sav and we're glad your here

Anniston AL
 
 
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Scandle, thanks for the warm welcome. I'll say hi next time I am passing through Wisconsin, ya never know.

Mrs. Sav, I agree with all your observations. Frankly, you inspired me to put in two cents when you told the original poster to write the way you speak. That reminded me so much of my 11th grade English teacher who gave that advice all the time and called it "lesson one." Lesson two was "show, don't tell," which got me started.

Thanks for weighing in, and male's photos will be up shortly.

Amherst Canada
 
 
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"For example, instead of saying, "I like oral," try this, "I imagine bending down on my knees before you, gazing up through your heaving breasts and into your hungry eyes. I nuzzle between your legs, breathing in your essence, press my cheek gently against your clit and apply downward pressure. Hoping to elicit that light groan that invites me to probe further....."

LOL very descriptive yes but not the type of thing I enjoy reading in a profile but that is just my personal preference. The graphic details I prefer to be more subtle.

"For true salesmanship, however, the golden rule is "show don't tell." "......what this shows is you have the ability to write but doesn't "show" how you behave or play ;)

If single men got the idea that lines that got more hits they'd all be copying Playboy Stories into their profile lol.

Just saying ........

On a side note your profile is well written and I'd not change a thing except to add photos of you BOTH especially since you are in an open relationship and playing alone.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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Welcome to the Forums, maritimers. What a lovely description! Your profile matches what you wrote here. Too bad we're over 1,000 miles away.

Sheboygan Falls WI
 
 
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I feel like I was in English composition class reading the advice on this thread. Write like you speak is a great lesson one. For true salesmanship, however, the golden rule is "show don't tell."

For example, instead of saying, "I like oral," try this, "I imagine bending down on my knees before you, gazing up through your heaving breasts and into your hungry eyes. I nuzzle between your legs, breathing in your essence, press my cheek gently against your clit and apply downward pressure. Hoping to elicit that light groan that invites me to probe further....."

Amherst Canada
 
 
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KIND......that's what us idiots do lol....on the plus side once they've read it (ALL) and we meet we seem like old friends. "Just The Facts" profile seem a little dry whereas a conversational tone seems more inviting in my opinion. I enjoy a profile where their personality shine through, I love to see some humor as well.............although not everyone is funny it is a requirement for us ;)

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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Thanks all for the great suggestions, which all make sense. I tend to write like I talk, lol. You'd think as a writer, it would be better written. Working on it and let you once updated for your opinions, thanks!

North Hills CA
 
 
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Ooo, excellent advice, Mrs. Sav! Your rewrite is much more understandable than the original.

Sheboygan Falls WI
 
 
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TOPIC: The Good, Bad, and Ugly on my Profile: Your Input-Suggestions Appreciated, thanks in advance!! Rich in Calif