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TOPIC: SandJinVT-What does this profile need
Created by: SandJinVT
Original Starting post for this thread:
Ok, I did some addition, some subtraction, and have re-read this about umpteen times. What do you think? Have I overdone it in places, and not done enough in others? I have a bad habit of leaving profiles alone for ages without any changes. You'd think that, as long as we've been swinging, we'd have this down pat by now. lol S

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Hi! Well, I looked at your profile. I love the picture, I think it is nice, high quality and has class. It shows a lot about you, your pictures. Anyways. I can tell that you have probably been bombarded by single men in the past, because you are very succinct in telling single males that YOU will contact them lol. I think overall, in my honest opinion, that it is quite long. I LOVE the fact that you actually took the time to think about yours, and you just don't say the one liners that are so annoying. That is good. But, you don't want it to be too long, either. Its like a resume.....you want it to say what it needs to say, but not 2 pages either. I think a little humor somewhere in there would help too, its a very intense profile. Overall though, I think its a good one. Shelly


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Hi SandJ, You have a lot of the roght information in your profile, but perhaps it's presentation could be made more upbeat. I've been an advertising copywriter for the past 25 years so I what I say here is predicated on one objective--selling you two to the SLS folks in the swinging community. Let me start with the thing that can make and break any advertising campaign. That is the visual. Your main picture shows you in tux and little black dress. It's very nice, but is it targeted at the right audience. Have you considered how many people might be offput by that image? A lot of people wear a tux a few times in their entire lives. Chances are, when they see that image they may be ruling you out because they feel they won't meet your class requirements. In the ad game we test images for months with different audiences to be certain there's not something in a pic that will cause a potential customer not to want to read the ad. You may be ruling out a large chunk of potential swingers just the way you're dressed in the photo. The second most important ingredient to a great ad, swinger or otherwise, is the headline. You want to draw prospective swinging couples into your ad so they are intrigued enough to start reading the copy of your ad to find out what your about. As a potential swinging couple, when other swingers read your headline after seeing your picture they may be inclined not to read any further. Why? Simply put, it feels like you're teeing setting them up for rejection. The headline is somewhat negative in its connotation. Perhaps you need to write something that explains how you two are open to other swingers of many ilks. "Warm, friendly nudist couple looking to curl your toes." Which sounds more inviting? This little headline or one that asks them to take the risk of being unceremoniously rejected. Which would you respond to more often? Now, for the body of your ad. To start with, go to the last paragraph of your ad and read what it says about couples that have rules. Then take a blank sheet of paper, divide it in half vertically. Title the left side Do's and the right side Don'ts. Now re-read your ad copy and list the things you will do on the Do side and the things you Don't do on the other side. I think you'll see that you are actually present a lot of your own rules in your ad. They're just not delineated as rules. Also, in the body of the text you once again reinforce the Class concern I mentioned earlier when you talk about your European trips. Actually, you may be further limiting your audience when you mention foreign travel and then suggest below that you won't use condoms because you're V-safe and condoms do break. For many in the swinging community condoms have nothing to do with pregnancy protection, rather its STD and AIDS protection they are seeking. Your European travel may make them wonder what diseases you may be harboring from across the pond. Rather than encounter them with someone who won't practice safe sex, they just don't write because you may be out of their comfort zone. Suffice to say, you might want to consider some tweeking of the body of your text so it sounds more welcoming and sells the advantages of being with you two. I realize all this insight belongs to me and is free to you. You know what they say about free advice -- it may be worth exactly what you paid for it! I want to say that I think you have the nucleus of a good ad. You just need to view what you write from the vantage point of the thousands of potential swing couples on SLS. When you do that, I bet the floodgates will open. Thanks for taking the time to read my critique. I hope it helps. Tom (SwingInRSpa)

Sarasota FL
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Ok, I did some addition, some subtraction, and have re-read this about umpteen times. What do you think? Have I overdone it in places, and not done enough in others? I have a bad habit of leaving profiles alone for ages without any changes. You'd think that, as long as we've been swinging, we'd have this down pat by now. lol S

Cambridge VT
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(6291 posts)
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TOPIC: SandJinVT-What does this profile need