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Might as well ask : Swingers Discussion 81438
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TOPIC: Might as well ask
Created by: cpl4funinmi99 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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I find we are much more willing to continue getting to know a couple/single if there is a picture attached to the email. Of course, the profile may have all private pics then, and that's ok, because when we get an email like that, with pic included, we feel that they are interested enough in us to want us to know what they look like.

When I reply to an email, one I'm interested in that is, I always include a discreet pic of the two of us kissing. Then, as things progress, I'll open our private pics, which include faces.

It's a privacy/discretion/judgement call always. It's a "feeling" or an intuition about sending personal or private pictures. We respect that in others, but if we're going to meet you, then yes, we do want to see what you look like. We don't want to stand outside the door of a restaurant and think,"well...they're 6'1" and about 5'4", should we ask them if they go to HedoII?" hahaha. We like to be able to think, "Oh yes, that's them."

G.

San Antonio TX
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Two4, ouch. I know my pics aren't the greatest, but "terrible"? lol

Thanks for the compliments though. :)

I do want to get some better pics, but so far that just hasn't been possible. Partly because I forget about it when I get together with friends and play partners. lol

I know what you are saying, and you are correct. Someone who's getting inundated by email will be more prone to look at pics as a means to filter the good ones, since even they may be very numerous. However, I've seen even single bi-females here say that they don't get a lot of mail, even with decent pics. You'd think they, if anybody, would be the ones getting swamped.

But, all that aside, I guess I was just debating a more philosphical point - not so much the people who have to use pics to sift through the tons of mail they get every day, but the people who get an attitude and say "no face pics ON THIS SITE, no response". And the related note of people that expect to see Pam Anderson (or Angelina Jolie), or Brad Pitt or Fabio or some such in the pic. So far, I've met one person who I found there was no attraction at all on my part with. Everyone else has been better than their pic would suggest - in no small part because a pic is less than half the story.

But I'm rambling again. lol

Aston PA
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The choice of who you are turned on by is utterly personal. You might be surprised to find there are a LOT of women decide about initial attraction entirely from a face pic. If you send one offsite that's perfect - but no face pic can mean there will be no interest. You should offer to send one via offsite email in your first email, but as you've seen, that isn't gonna fly with any number of women.

Let's say you get 10 emails every week from single guys on SLS. (That's 520 emails per year - not to mention the emails you get from couples.) You look at all the profiles. Assuming you play every single weekend of the year, how would you prioritize your follow up to the 10 emails from single guys each week?

3 - Has attractive pics & profile - you'd like to meet him! (Let's see, that's 3 x 52 weeks = 156 guys per year. Wow! That's a LOT of gang banging! ;) 4 - No attraction based on reading and seeing their profile. 2 - Limited pics, no face pics, can't see enough to really know if they are your type. 1 - No face pic, but says he will email one offsite.

You have an excellent narrative, goodkindofcrazy - we could have some fun. You have a hot body - but your pics are terrible! Get someone to snap some candid shots of you doing the stuff you like to do. Put in a nice shot of you without a shirt on. You can block the face if you need to. Good pics are real important.

Pismo Beach CA
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Talk about Paranoid...lol hey if whatever you do works for you then continue...if not change...lol still no face/body pic NO meet, you wanna fuck us, what BLINDFOLDED??? lol

Destin FL
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"As for meeting without having seen a pic, in cases like that I would do it more on my terms - ie, close and convenient to me. If I was so busy that I couldn't take that chance, then to be blunt, I'd be too busy to meet or play with anyone anyway."

Not necessarily.

THIS is just a hobby for us, strangely, we do have other commitments in our lives: personal time for the two us to "date," family, vanilla friends, other pursuits, etc. When we go on a date, our two young children require a sitter. If we use up our little available free time and money (and our sitter's available time) we'd rather not do so going on a wild goose chase. Yes, we could chalk it up to a personal date for the two of us, but we prefer other not make that decision for us.

Corvallis OR
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Two4, you forgot #4 - simply do not trust images of themselves, attached to/associated with, a profile with even more personal info, being stored long term on someone elses server and backup tapes.

Email backups will only catch it if the timing is right or the recipient leaves their mail on their server and doesn't delete it (which non-web clients do as default behavior). And even in those cases, it will be eradicated when the cycle repeats (that is to say, if it's a monday backup, next monday, if it's week 1, the next week 1, etc, etc). And if it happens to land on a yearly, that gets stuffed into the archives and not retrieved unless something major happens. So the effect is, it's not saved in the way you suggest. Further, and more importantly, it's not associated with personal info.

I avoid public cameras too - use visors in my car at intersections with cameras, stand in such a way as to block the view of ATM cameras, etc. Why? Personal principle. I don't feel comfortable with the potential uses of the tech out there. We're being viewed as criminals even without having done anything and being scanned and tracked. I guess it's just in my nature to fight in whatever little way I can. lol

But you say that a body shot and narrative are good enough? If I read that right, then you're the kind of people I would like to meet. The problem is when people look at a profile and say "no face pics, forget it" and that is that. There is no call for that, no need for it either. It's rude and excessively harsh. Clearly people have reasons to not post face pics online, even if you (not you specifically, "you" in general) don't agree with their reasons, that doesn't mean they are flakes or fakes or not worth the time.

As for meeting without having seen a pic, in cases like that I would do it more on my terms - ie, close and convenient to me. If I was so busy that I couldn't take that chance, then to be blunt, I'd be too busy to meet or play with anyone anyway.

But either way, my whole point was that it was harsh and uncalled for to flush email just because it doesn't have a face pic, or their profile doesn't have a face pic. Simply ask them for one and give a free-mail address, and go from there. No fuss, no muss. :)

Aston PA
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(If you email a pic offsite it iS on the web, and of course whoever you send it to can do anything they want with it.) The issue is attraction - if we can't see good pics of you (full length) there is no way to judge initial attraction. Why would we want to talk to someone if we have no idea what they look like? Sorry, we don't have so much free time on our hands. We are not here for chit-chat, and we are not into meeting people blind. It's 100% true people tend to look better than their pics, but pics let you know if the other person is at least in the ballpark for you attraction-wise. People who won't post pics are hiding. Why? 1) They are concerned you wouldn't contact them if you knew what they looked like? 2) They are unsure about what they want and/or nervous? 3) Fakes or wannabees? With all the sexy people on SLS with great profiles and great pics, why waste time with people who are likely not what we are looking for?

Re the OP - your single pic is very sexy but we agree that it's a red flag, typical of a fake profile. If you had several pics - of you both -in a variety of settings it would be more effective. Feel free to cut off the heads or mask the faces - there is no way in the world anyone will recognize you. (The "can't show pics because we need to be discreet" excuse we often hear is pure BS, and nobody who really plays is buying it.) Your narrative is good enough, and we would take a chance and contact you based on it.

Pismo Beach CA
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Not a refusal. My point is that email is different from being posted on this site.

As I said below, I have no face pics on this web server. I have no face pics on any web server, and will *never* have face pics on any web server. I am willing to email them. If this site allowed external attachments (like, say, AFF did), then it wouldn't be an issue.

But to refuse to respond or talk just because one wasn't uploaded to this webserver? THAT, my friend, is what is rude. (and a waste for all parties involved)

Just an example of what I mean about placing too much importance and faith in the tech.

Aston PA
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Good, yes a face pic in the first email if they are not posted is just common courtesy ...then we can talk.

As far as fake pics, you will knock that off in the meeting and just tell them their lie did not work...but the refusal of even sending face pics in an email is just rude.

Destin FL
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True, you do need to see the whole package, and a face pic before meeting is reasonable, but all too many seem to refuse to even TALK to people who don't have face pics *posted on the site*, and that's just bizarre and messed up.

But, even in the case of the face pic before meeting - do you base your final decision on a pic? Obviously you don't, but that's my point. They could send a false pic, an old pic, a professionally done pic, a pic with "the angles" (aka, "the MySpace angles", which seem to reveal who they are, but do so in such a way that you can't actually tell what they look like and makes them look much better than they actually do), etc.

And of course, the opposite is also possible too - they could look much better in person than their pic. (and in my experience, this is true 99.999% of the time)

I think we just get too trusting in the tech, or perhaps too lazy. But either way, I think we tend to rely too heavily on it. I figure if the conversation is good, I'm willing to take an hour out of my day and meet for coffee, or tea, or drinks, or whatever. Worst case, there's no chemistry or attraction and I've spent an hour meeting someone new and having conversation over a drink of some sort. Hardly a bad thing. I'll take that "chance" (if one can even consider any risk at all to be present) even without seeing pics. Naturally I'd prefer to see them before hand - curiosity and all, and it does make it easier to recognize each other, but I don't put much stock in them anyway, so I don't feel it to be an absolute requirement.

Aston PA
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TOPIC: Might as well ask