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TOPIC: Why
Created by: MountainSteve
Original Starting post for this thread:
Hello ladies,

Male half of an open couple writing here, where she is poly and I'm flexible between poly and swinger. For us that means we don't swing together and that's fine, but there is a certain puzzlement between us that perhaps you can help with.

You see, she totally resonates with the idea of sexual/intimate/romantic relationships with multiple people but only if there is an emotional connection. To her the idea of sex with a near stranger is just creepy and weird.

To me, lovemaking with a dear friend is wonderful, but so is a romp with someone I met that evening. One is like a delicious meal, the other like a candy bar, and both have their merits while being different.

The issue I'm hoping for input on is how to explain myself to her. I haven't been able to come up with anything that is fundamentally better than "ummmm... it's sex, it feels good, so I like it". She can accept that, but that comes with the idea "men are like that and women aren't" for her, which puts a distance between us.

So, I come to you ladies to see if there is something I can say to her that makes me seem less alien on all this. I'm not trying to persuade her to change her preferences, just to improve the communication and connection about casual sex.

Thoughts and ideas? What makes this fun to you that would make sense to her?

-steve

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If you can both accept, even without understanding, each other's swingers styles, and do things together that embrace them, then you won't need words to explain. You will just plan understand each other better naturally.

I guess I could call this my "Little less talk, a lot more action" plan. ;)

What I would do if my partner was more poly, and I was more swinger, is work on figuring out things to do that match BOTH styles. I've heard it called being "Swolly" LOL

Think about things you can do together... Like, you can go on "getting to know you" dates and poly events with her. You can find another couple that wants to have a poly relationship and make an awesome 4-some "couple" with them. She can come to swingers events with you and allow you to play separate while she converses and develops relationships with people.

There are probably a million other solutions to think of that don't involve either of you having to change your own personal swinging/poly preferences, but still allow you to do it together.

Parkland WA
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"And if you don't cum then there is no point in swinging"

Really?! I must have missed that memo...lol For me, swinging is fun. Swinging is right up there with clubbing, dancing, drinking, etc. I don't need an emotional connection or an orgasm guarantee to play with someone. Attraction is a must though.

To the OP: I'm sorry that I offer no advice for you to help explain why you like casual sex to your wife, but I can assure you that it isn't just a "male vs female" thing. I'm a female who loves casual sex.


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For us personally, connection as in conversation connection is a must. But when emotional connection as in tender feeling or, worse, love starts to creep in, that's gonna be VERY troublesome.

We will share ourselves physically with others for mutual enjoyment. But our love will only be reserved for each other. We're not in open relationship or practicing polyamory.

Schaumburg IL
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I'm very much like Magnetite and lost. I prefer to have a "connection" to someone. If I don't, the experience typically isnt a ver good one for me. I know couples like me and couples where they go to lathes, clubs, etc, simply for the thrill and excitement of being with someone new they'll probably never see again. To me, that's one of the great things about the LS. There are so many different people and preferences, there is seldom a time you don't meet someone who is looking for the same thing you are! JMO... Ms Soul

Palm Bay FL
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I would too and im only 40 minutes from Holbrook :)

Rockport MA
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2ht its more likely I would have you pinned to a wall in 10 minutes or less.

Lexington KY
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I know what I like. So if I don't have a pretty instant desire, I probably never will. Although, some people have attitude that grows on me. If I take the time, the physical attraction can grow if they aren't "just built hot" like the one below me is. I thought I would like a continual thing but, so far, hasn't played out that way in reality. Always looking for something new.

Randolph MA
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I was never a huge fan of hours of drunken conversation and multiple "dates" either. But I'm a guy and I know pretty quick if I want in someones pants. Five minutes seems a totally reasonable time for me.

Lexington KY
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Just for the record I've never in my life fucked someone 4 minutes after meeting them and I am highly insulted that anyone would suggest otherwise. By my watch it was at least 5 minutes..............sheesh !

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I am in the same camp with Wanna and Sav. The. "connection" I require is the "intense desire" to fuck when I meet someone that is sexually appealing enough to arouse my interest and also be compatible with us as a pair.

Shelly

Memphis TN
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TOPIC: Why