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TOPIC: What to do, When person you regularly play with changes-
Created by: tncampers
Original Starting post for this thread:
Has anyone else had this problem and if so how do you handle it without hurting anyone's feelings? We have a couple that we play with on a reg. basis. He was a very caring, soft, sweet lover in beginning. No sure if it is because he now feels very comfortable with me, but just as of lately has gotten more aggressive and at times hurts me and or makes me feel uncomfortable. His hygiene while not bad, by any means, is not what it was in beginning. (I don't know about anybody else, but that is very important to me) I am so careful about my hygiene, and would never ever think of coming back to the play bed after running to bathroom in middle of play without making sure I am cleaned up and refreshed down there, how do you make sure partner does the same????? That is without hurting feelings? He will pop breath mint in month, so why not worry about other? He is a quiet and very private person which I think makes it harder for me to say something, also our partners totally enjoy each other and I don't want to ruin things for them, but this is really starting to bother me!! Any ideas greatly appreciated!

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This is when it's important to "friends" as well as lovers. As a friend you should lovingly tell the person about these issues. It makes no sense to tolerate this kind of behavior. Perhaps the person has a lot going on and is therefore slacking somewhat.....that is not your problem however.....tell em and if they don't make a change move on....IMO.

Vero Beach FL
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For me, given I have not fucked strange in quite some time...but in this game you do not owe explanations or apologies. If someone "changes" or gets comfortable or whatever, and they no longer turn you on sexually...its time to go. This is not dating, and it is not personal. The one lesson I have learned the most is to never, ever take anything personally. If things do not work out you had fun, nice time, next. Relationships are evolutions and are always subject to change. It is not personal. But you cannot fuck someone that you do not want sexually, even if it is to not hurt their feelings.


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I don't think that he is too comfortable, I think his true personality is coming out. Like most men he put on an act to get in your pants, now that he has done that he thinks he can do whatever he wants. And proper hygiene is a learned habit. Once you have the habit you would NEVER consider having sex when you are dirty. If you have to tell him even once he is not worth your time.

Cambria CA
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Wow, thank you so much Ladies for all the great advice, and I have learned that I do nean to speak up, and I also think some time away helped as well. But it was important to me and we have finally worked things out for the better. Lesson learned and never forgotten, thank you once again for your advice and support!!!

Sparta TN
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I agree that the safety issue is most important, and others have already addressed that.

As for cleanliness, I think the concept that this playtime must be good for all, including you, is applicable. Tell Mr. X you need him to freshen up more after he uses the bathroom. Maybe setting out washcloths for him to use will make it easier, but the verbal and clear communication is necessary. Also, talk to your husband about the change of events, your needs for Mr. X to resume his personal hygiene and treatment of you to its level when you first met, and your concerns that making this request may break up the 4-some. Decide how important it is to you and whether you will stand your ground if met with any objections.

Sheboygan Falls WI
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Agree with sweet...

Not worth playing if you are not having fun--- especially, if you must be vigilant that you not get hurt as he becomes more agressive and more careless. PLEASE speak up for yourself NOW. Best case... He didn't realize it; you've made him aware and things get better. Worst case... You say nothing and end up getting hurt.

Brunnerville PA
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Sounds like he is getting a LOT too comfortable, the first time anyone starts that I am the one to stop the play and set it out straight. Call me a bitch or shallow or whatever but the play is either fun for all or your out the door.

Spring TX
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It sounds like he is getting a bit too comfortable with you. If I were you, I'd make myself very hard to get a hold of for a while.

Lahaina HI
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Has anyone else had this problem and if so how do you handle it without hurting anyone's feelings? We have a couple that we play with on a reg. basis. He was a very caring, soft, sweet lover in beginning. No sure if it is because he now feels very comfortable with me, but just as of lately has gotten more aggressive and at times hurts me and or makes me feel uncomfortable. His hygiene while not bad, by any means, is not what it was in beginning. (I don't know about anybody else, but that is very important to me) I am so careful about my hygiene, and would never ever think of coming back to the play bed after running to bathroom in middle of play without making sure I am cleaned up and refreshed down there, how do you make sure partner does the same????? That is without hurting feelings? He will pop breath mint in month, so why not worry about other? He is a quiet and very private person which I think makes it harder for me to say something, also our partners totally enjoy each other and I don't want to ruin things for them, but this is really starting to bother me!! Any ideas greatly appreciated!

Sparta TN
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TOPIC: What to do, When person you regularly play with changes-