To the EmptyNesters: Swingers Discussion 47343

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TOPIC: To the Empty-Nesters

Created by: wildlife Original Starting post for this thread:
My oldest son moved out in May. As many of you know, I raised my sons alone and still have my 19 yr old at home. I was devastated at first when my oldest moved out, but came to the realization that it was a good thing and I raised him well enough to be a good man. In the past month, he has been home almost every day, and of course, I always make enough for dinner for him or grandma invites him a few times a week as well (he is extremely close to my parents). I help him out with his laundry once a week, and he pretty stays here over the weekend (honestly, I think he is lonely and really misses his brother). He only moved about 15 minutes from home. Yesterday, I asked him if he wanted to move back as it seems like he is here more lately than not, he declined and asked why I would ask such a question. My question is for anyone who has had a child leave but not move far, is this normal? I was truly adjusting to life without him and preparing myself for learning how to live without children and beginning to feel it was actually my time to begin living. I know you never stop worrying about your children and love them unconditionally, does this sound selfish?

Created by: wildlife
Original Starting post for this thread:

My oldest son moved out in May.  As many of you know, I raised my sons alone and still have my 19 yr old at home.  I was devastated at first when my oldest moved out, but came to the realization that it was a good thing and I raised him well enough to be a good man.  In the past month, he has been home almost every day, and of course, I always make enough for dinner for him or grandma invites him a few times a week as well (he is extremely close to my parents).  I help him out with his laundry once a week, and he pretty stays here over the weekend (honestly, I think he is lonely and really misses his brother).  He only moved about 15 minutes from home.   Yesterday, I asked him if he wanted to move back as it seems like he is here more lately than not, he declined and asked why I would ask such a question.  My question is for anyone who has had a child leave but not move far, is this normal?  I was truly adjusting to life without him and preparing myself for learning how to live without children and beginning to feel it was actually my time to begin living.  I know you never stop worrying about your children and love them unconditionally, does this sound selfish?

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User Details are only visible to members.	My youngest is sucking up all the attention alone and loving it. He has often said, didn't he move out? The oldest was the first born grandchild (need I say more) and my mother was there when I delivered him and cut the cord, so sometimes I wonder whose bond is stronger, mine or hers. My oldest also almost lost his life twice, once at bearly 2 and the other 8; also being a star athlete, honor student, etc., my youngest never complain always was very laid back knowing someday all of my attention would solely be devoted to him, so yes, he is soaking it up, but they still hang out together, play tennis together, bowl, keep a really close relationship, which I am so glad they do. To think just a short 6 years ago, I was forever getting in the middle of fist fights, but they finally bonded as brothers at 18 and 16, was one of the happiest moments of my life. My goodness, Lady, your family is all over the country, sure you don't have to worry about those "keys" anymore. Again, thank you, it is so appreciated to hear from someone who has already lived this situation.
Johnstown PA			Username hidden (11993 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You're welcome Wild. I'm curious how your youngest is adjusting. Being the youngest of 5 our little guy was very excited to experience life as an "only child". Within days he realized he kept wandering aimlessly through the house and figured out he was looking for the older brother who had just left for the Marine Corps. He was so used to having someone to talk to and was surprised he felt so lonely. But the good thing is that as you indicate, you've raised a close knit family. Ours now live in San Francisco, Sacramento, Seattle, Dallas and Upstate NY and here's us in Florida. But they remain very close in spite of distance.
Saint Augustine FL			Username hidden (12572 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Lady: Your wisdom and experience is always the highlight of my day. I was actually depressing myself thinking I was being entirely too selfish, but I am sure you are correct in that it will taper off. It's sad as I never thought I would say, Again? (as to seeing his truck pull up). But would give my life for either of them and my love is theirs for life. Thanks Lady your input is and always will be greatly aprpeciated.
Johnstown PA			Username hidden (11993 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	He's in a transition stage and the returning home all the time will taper off. No it doesn't sound selfish. We raise our kids and prepare them to fly the nest and then expect a bit more privacy. The year our last was leaving home we built an empty nest house. It was such fun because it was the first time a house was about our needs and we didn't have to place children's accomodations first. You should have seen ours when we said there would be guest rooms for them but no longer their rooms. Thus they needed to decide what was important enough to keep for themselves and what should go in a garage sale. Priceless but not near as good as when we actually moved in it and they found out they weren't all getting keys to come and go as they pleased. They quieted on that when I said "Do you really want to walk in on Dad and I running around naked? Call ahead". You've earned it and as a good mother you need to assist the gradual pulling away for his sake too. But the love never ends.
Saint Augustine FL			Username hidden (12572 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My oldest son moved out in May. As many of you know, I raised my sons alone and still have my 19 yr old at home. I was devastated at first when my oldest moved out, but came to the realization that it was a good thing and I raised him well enough to be a good man. In the past month, he has been home almost every day, and of course, I always make enough for dinner for him or grandma invites him a few times a week as well (he is extremely close to my parents). I help him out with his laundry once a week, and he pretty stays here over the weekend (honestly, I think he is lonely and really misses his brother). He only moved about 15 minutes from home. Yesterday, I asked him if he wanted to move back as it seems like he is here more lately than not, he declined and asked why I would ask such a question. My question is for anyone who has had a child leave but not move far, is this normal? I was truly adjusting to life without him and preparing myself for learning how to live without children and beginning to feel it was actually my time to begin living. I know you never stop worrying about your children and love them unconditionally, does this sound selfish?
Johnstown PA			Username hidden (11993 post)

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TOPIC: To the Empty-Nesters

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