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Something new, I hope : Swingers Discussion 1971481021
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TOPIC: Something new, I hope
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A "mother" who leaves her children is no mother at all.

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my son. I just can't fathom skipping town on him and pretending as though he never happened.

Cuyahoga Falls OH
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I had our first daughter when I just turned 20 then our second at 23. Sure there were many difficult times, but I believe there are difficult times raising a family no matter what your age. We were young, didn't have a lot of money, and probably nowhere near ready for parenthood.. But never, at any point while raising our daughters did I ever even think about running away from them. I work with a guy now who has two teenage sons who he has raised alone since they were little...his wife ran off to Florida shortly after having the youngest and never returned He says she couldn't "handle" it... I don't understand a mother leaving her children.

Apollo PA
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i had my 1st at 22. while i wanted a baby, i dont think i was old enough, mature enough or fully prepared for caring for a baby. i had my second at 28 and was more mature, better prepared, and in a better relationship.

Philadelphia PA
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E, your story is not useless to me. I am reading different points of view to my Original Post, and all are informative. I have no idea if I could have been a good Mother, maybe I would have.

Quakertown PA
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being a mother can be overwhelming at times.

Philadelphia PA
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Okay, I guess I didn't really offer anything than my useless life story to your question, PD.

I think it's shocking how much work babies actually are. The everyday, trivial 'privileges' such as taking a shower, styling your hair, talking on the phone to a girlfriend. Those things MAY fit into your babies schedule. Who do you call when your baby is crying for three hours and you don't know why? They're not hungry, they're not sleeping, they're dry and clean. Oh? You mean you were supposed to KNOW the tag on his onesie was bothering him? Where was THAT memo!? You mean, you decided to splurge and have your favorite meal for the first time in MONTHS and your nursing baby is reminding you that you belong to HIM and YOUR meals are being shared through your breastmilk? Your punishment shall be a cranky baby for the next six hours! Take THAT, new mama!

I'm sure you're tired. You'll sleep tonight...at 11pm...for 37.6 minutes and then wake up feeling like you'd forgotten something...or that you should check on him and make sure he is breathing...of course he's breathing! But sometimes they aren't. I'm a terrible mother for still lying here, get up, stupid, go check on your son. Oh good, he's breathing! I'll go back to sleep. 20 minutes later "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *#$%#@$%* Don't wake him, he has to get up in the morning and go to work. Go grab your son. Tote him back to bed with your and nurse him while you sleep. Is that safe? No. Am I going to do it. Yes. %$^#$@#^& Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ahhhh! Don't roll over on your baby. Put him back. *Rock a bye-baby, blah blah blah blah* Oh good, he's asleep. *Set him in his crib. * Gently...gently...crash into the crib railing...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ahhh! FML.

Cuyahoga Falls OH
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I had my son at 21. I was on birth control when I got pregnant.

I didn't feel 'we' (meaning, my ex) were ready. I knew I COULD be a good mother, but I didn't feel I SHOULD be yet. I had a lot of selfish desires I wanted fulfilled and for the first trimester( even though I took incredible care of myself, best I ever have in my life all throughout my pregnancy), I resented my pregnancy. I was torn between the delight everyone around me seemed to feel, the elation of my husband, and the guilt/pressure I felt over knowing we would endure problems BECAUSE of introducing parenthood. Maybe because I was a child of a messy, textbook damaging divorce/upbringing and my husband had been fed all this bullshit by his 'perfect' parents. Our experiences were so drastically different. He just didn't seem to understand the WORK involved. All he seemed to see was football and skateboarding and having a "mini me", especially when we found out we were having a boy. Fast forward 2 years and we're in splitsville over his five month affair with a coworker. Seems hubby still hadn't yet realized the WORK in RAISING a child who is solely dependent on you. I was a stay at home mother and a full time college student. I kept an immaculate house and cared for my husband like it was the 50's. He didn't appreciate that kind of WORK. The fact that he was out of the house for ten hours a day and came home to meals and perfection and only had to "care" for our son for maybe an hour while Mommy actually got a shower was 'too much to handle'. It wasn't 'fun' anymore, so off he went to his slut while I would sleep. Granted, I didn't put this all together for some time. Apparently, even being a swinger and a pretty cynical person, I couldn't see the obvious.

After the separation and my relocation to the Bay Area, he blamed my mood swings on his cheating. I realize in hindsight I was suffering from postnatal depression, but I had no way of knowing that at the time. I 'seemed' fine on the outside to everyone else. But the pressure of taking care of our son, maintaining a 4.0 GPA and keeping our household functioning smoothly ( as well as monitoring my delinquent father and making sure his bills, property taxes, etc were paid as WELL as taking care of my 90+ year old great aunt because nobody else seemed to know how to do so with her dignity intact)...I had forgotten how to communicate without freaking out anytime anyone said boo. I had just snapped. You'd think a loving, dedicated husband would look at his wife's change of behavior as say " hmm, something is different with Erica and maybe she needs help. Maybe I should 'ask' her what's going on." But instead, he now says " you weren't into me so I found someone who was."

Being a mother is hard. Being a young mother doesn't necessarily make it harder. It's all about experiences and resources. If only I had know there was actually something that could be done for me. That it wasn't ME, that I was NORMAL, perhaps the outcome would have been different. All is well now, of course, and I am GRATEFUL I was kicked to the curb so I can truly be appreciated by someone. Obviously, the man I married wasn't ready, just like I had suspected. I think a lot of women romanticize what motherhood will be like. For me, it came easy, despite my hormonal breakdown. For others, it's selflessness they just don't have.

Cuyahoga Falls OH
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I run my mouth a lot more than I should and I have this nagging fear that I will say something silly to my girls and that it will stick with them like PD's name story or being told one was an accident. My dad once said I couldn't carry a tune if I had a bucket, and while it is absolutely true, it sucked the joy of singing right out of me....

I am never purposefully hurtful but you never know what will stick with a child. Ugh, parenting is so fraught with things like this....

Cincinnati OH
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I am a twin, but I was supposed to be a triplet, and my Mom was never told. She miscarried in her fourth month, and figured she was just having one child after that, and four minutes late, there I was. My Mom used to tell the story, and say my name was picked out of thin air. I got the better name, but the way she said it always cut me.

Quakertown PA
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PS I was 22 and 26 when I had my children. So it's not always about age.

San Antonio TX
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TOPIC: Something new, I hope