Something new, I hope: Swingers Discussion 1971481021

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Something new, I hope: Swingers Discussion 1971481021

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TOPIC: Something new, I hope

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User Details are only visible to members.	You know the saying 'the youth is wasted on the young' ... perhaps that's true for some young mom's. just too immature and truly does not have the capacity of such responsibilities, so they walk away. I am a very loving, nurturing and maternal person and my children have been my entire life, yet there was a time, not so young, that I was not feeling very well, (like ever) ....and i trulyy believed my children would be much better off without me. They deserved more than me. I never left them, but it hurt me so much that I, was who they had, to be there everything. It passed, and I got better. (and not by itself, it took extrodinary measures on my part) But some women may not be able to get out of that. And maybe they really believe what I had. And maybe they feel they have no choice but to leave. Nobody really knows what goes on in one's mind and their actions. We are not in their shoes. It appears to be the most awful thing a mom can do even tho Dad's do it all the time and its okay. Sometimes we just cant possibly know the reasons why... and I wonder before I judge... Of course whatever the reasons... it's always heartbreaking.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2999 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	kitten I agree, i was a mom at 21. We tease our daughter and tell her to hush and be grateful she is alive haha. I mean seriously, when I think about it! I had never held a baby before she was born...and we were handed this HUMAN BEING and told okay! good luck!! We were both active duty with no family in the area hahaha....it was something else. The good thing was, Jay and I worked opposite shifts, so she was always with one of us....and she bonded with daddy as much as mama because he took care of her solo for at least 8 hours every day. That was a good thing I think. But you are right, we had no clue omg hahahaha. None. I thought she fucking had small pox for cripes sakes...and it was baby acne. But I was convinced that she somehow had an eradicated disease hahahaha. Our middle child was born when I was 29 and yes, he had an easier time LOL
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23750 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	PD, I think one issue with this is the fact that it is assumed that all women, because we are female....are automatically maternal people. We are most certainly not all naturally or automatically maternal. My own mother is the most non maternal chica on the planet. She does not like children other than her own grandchildren...she never baked cookies lol or played with me or went to the park or any shit like that. She was more like my friend than a maternal parent really. Some ladies just do not bond with the baby honestly. For me...I could never like, be a surrogate. I honestly am like cosmic stars and moon and felt that carrying this person, this creation, inside me...was a miracle. To feel them moving and living inside my body was spiritual for me...and when I would hold them and nurse them, this person from my own flesh, it was nothing short of magical. However, it is NOT like this for all women. However, it is expected I think to be like this for all women. And when she does not feel this way, whether due to hormones or ppd or stress of life...or not being naturally maternal, she can feel like a failure and horrible person. And sometimes its easier to run from pain than it is to face it.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23750 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	A "mother" who leaves her children is no mother at all. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my son. I just can't fathom skipping town on him and pretending as though he never happened.
Concord CA			Username hidden (2087 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I had our first daughter when I just turned 20 then our second at 23. Sure there were many difficult times, but I believe there are difficult times raising a family no matter what your age. We were young, didn't have a lot of money, and probably nowhere near ready for parenthood.. But never, at any point while raising our daughters did I ever even think about running away from them. I work with a guy now who has two teenage sons who he has raised alone since they were little...his wife ran off to Florida shortly after having the youngest and never returned He says she couldn't "handle" it... I don't understand a mother leaving her children.
Apollo PA			Username hidden (741 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	i had my 1st at 22. while i wanted a baby, i dont think i was old enough, mature enough or fully prepared for caring for a baby. i had my second at 28 and was more mature, better prepared, and in a better relationship.
Philadelphia PA			Username hidden (1487 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	E, your story is not useless to me. I am reading different points of view to my Original Post, and all are informative. I have no idea if I could have been a good Mother, maybe I would have.
Quakertown PA			Username hidden (1831 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	being a mother can be overwhelming at times.
Philadelphia PA			Username hidden (1487 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Okay, I guess I didn't really offer anything than my useless life story to your question, PD. I think it's shocking how much work babies actually are. The everyday, trivial 'privileges' such as taking a shower, styling your hair, talking on the phone to a girlfriend. Those things MAY fit into your babies schedule. Who do you call when your baby is crying for three hours and you don't know why? They're not hungry, they're not sleeping, they're dry and clean. Oh? You mean you were supposed to KNOW the tag on his onesie was bothering him? Where was THAT memo!? You mean, you decided to splurge and have your favorite meal for the first time in MONTHS and your nursing baby is reminding you that you belong to HIM and YOUR meals are being shared through your breastmilk? Your punishment shall be a cranky baby for the next six hours! Take THAT, new mama! I'm sure you're tired. You'll sleep tonight...at 11pm...for 37.6 minutes and then wake up feeling like you'd forgotten something...or that you should check on him and make sure he is breathing...of course he's breathing! But sometimes they aren't. I'm a terrible mother for still lying here, get up, stupid, go check on your son. Oh good, he's breathing! I'll go back to sleep. 20 minutes later "waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! #$%#@$% Don't wake him, he has to get up in the morning and go to work. Go grab your son. Tote him back to bed with your and nurse him while you sleep. Is that safe? No. Am I going to do it. Yes. %$^#$@#^& Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ahhhh! Don't roll over on your baby. Put him back. Rock a bye-baby, blah blah blah blah Oh good, he's asleep. Set him in his crib. Gently...gently...crash into the crib railing...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ahhh! FML.
Concord CA			Username hidden (2087 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I had my son at 21. I was on birth control when I got pregnant. I didn't feel 'we' (meaning, my ex) were ready. I knew I COULD be a good mother, but I didn't feel I SHOULD be yet. I had a lot of selfish desires I wanted fulfilled and for the first trimester( even though I took incredible care of myself, best I ever have in my life all throughout my pregnancy), I resented my pregnancy. I was torn between the delight everyone around me seemed to feel, the elation of my husband, and the guilt/pressure I felt over knowing we would endure problems BECAUSE of introducing parenthood. Maybe because I was a child of a messy, textbook damaging divorce/upbringing and my husband had been fed all this bullshit by his 'perfect' parents. Our experiences were so drastically different. He just didn't seem to understand the WORK involved. All he seemed to see was football and skateboarding and having a "mini me", especially when we found out we were having a boy. Fast forward 2 years and we're in splitsville over his five month affair with a coworker. Seems hubby still hadn't yet realized the WORK in RAISING a child who is solely dependent on you. I was a stay at home mother and a full time college student. I kept an immaculate house and cared for my husband like it was the 50's. He didn't appreciate that kind of WORK. The fact that he was out of the house for ten hours a day and came home to meals and perfection and only had to "care" for our son for maybe an hour while Mommy actually got a shower was 'too much to handle'. It wasn't 'fun' anymore, so off he went to his slut while I would sleep. Granted, I didn't put this all together for some time. Apparently, even being a swinger and a pretty cynical person, I couldn't see the obvious. After the separation and my relocation to the Bay Area, he blamed my mood swings on his cheating. I realize in hindsight I was suffering from postnatal depression, but I had no way of knowing that at the time. I 'seemed' fine on the outside to everyone else. But the pressure of taking care of our son, maintaining a 4.0 GPA and keeping our household functioning smoothly ( as well as monitoring my delinquent father and making sure his bills, property taxes, etc were paid as WELL as taking care of my 90+ year old great aunt because nobody else seemed to know how to do so with her dignity intact)...I had forgotten how to communicate without freaking out anytime anyone said boo. I had just snapped. You'd think a loving, dedicated husband would look at his wife's change of behavior as say " hmm, something is different with Erica and maybe she needs help. Maybe I should 'ask' her what's going on." But instead, he now says " you weren't into me so I found someone who was." Being a mother is hard. Being a young mother doesn't necessarily make it harder. It's all about experiences and resources. If only I had know there was actually something that could be done for me. That it wasn't ME, that I was NORMAL, perhaps the outcome would have been different. All is well now, of course, and I am GRATEFUL I was kicked to the curb so I can truly be appreciated by someone. Obviously, the man I married wasn't ready, just like I had suspected. I think a lot of women romanticize what motherhood will be like. For me, it came easy, despite my hormonal breakdown. For others, it's selflessness they just don't have.
Concord CA			Username hidden (2087 post)

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TOPIC: Something new, I hope