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Porn and self estem : Swingers Discussion 202650
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TOPIC: Porn and self estem
Created by: Nkenswing
Original Starting post for this thread:
As a generation of men are growing up with virtual sex lives, their real-life partners are becoming increasingly unhappy, a new study finds. Specifically, young women with porn-loving partners feel they just can't measure up to Jenna Jameson—or whoever happens to tickle their man's fancy. Destin Stewart is a clinical psychology intern at the University of Florida. After her clients began complaining about pornography use in their relationships, Stewart decided to study exactly how porn use is affecting those relationships. She surveyed 308 college women (ages 18 to 29) and asked them about their current partner's pornography habits. She also wanted the women's perspectives on their relationship quality, sexual satisfaction and self-esteem. Stewart found that the ladies who reported their partners looked at porn more frequently were not only less happy with their relationships, they also had less self-esteem and were less satisfied with their sex lives. Stewart told LiveScience that when some women discovered pornographic material on their partner's computer, it made them "feel like they were not good enough, like they could not measure up." While one might argue that the men weren't there to confirm their habits in the study, it's apparent that pornography is negatively affecting an increasing number of relationships. Psychiatrist Norman Doidge studied the effects of porn use in his patients and then reported the findings in his book, The Brain Changes Itself: "They reported increasing difficulty in being turned on by their actual sexual partners, spouses or girlfriends, though they still considered them objectively attractive." Doidge wrote about his patients. "When I asked if this phenomenon had any relationship to viewing pornography, they answered that it initially helped them get more excited during sex, but over time had the opposite effect." Stewart says that when porn becomes a problem in relationships, she advises women not to compare themselves to porn stars. She also urges couples to communicate and compromise. "It's just about trying to do some education about what is realistic and unrealistic and trying to get couples to be honest about what their wants and needs and desires are," Stewart said. As much as we women would love our men to only have eyes for us, let's face it. As long as there are women willing to do anything, everything and put it out there for the world to see, men are going to look. But Aristotle said to seek moderation in all things, and while I don’t think he was referring to watching online porn, it's not bad advice.

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ROFLMAO @ Lost! Girl, you are so damn funny!

I/we enjoy watching porn but haven't seen the fem produced stuff yet. I'll have to give it a try. ;-D

Sheboygan Falls WI
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the femme based porn does make more sense and at least attempts a plot line.......i just dont like the view from behind balls slapping hard core porn haahahaha. I did get femme porn and it was nice...but at some point i was like OMG ENOUGH MAKING LOVE FUCK THE BITCH OMG OMG THIS IS TAKING FOREVER!!!! and....why do the women smile so much in femme porn, am I the only one that notices this shit LOL?? If I were fucking a woman and she kept smiling at me like that id be like ummm do i have a boog or something you are freaking me the fuck out here.


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neither of us are porn watchers. Porn is a great way to get me out of the mood. Hubby would prefer to watch what we have recorded of me with others on the rare occasion he feels like watching any of it.

Louisville KY
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Whenever I let a couple use me to make amateur porn, the next morning I feel so . . . used.

Belle Chasse LA
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the only time porn, or the watching of it, bothers me is if i am not being fucked. because if you aren't fucking me and you are watching people fuck on tv you really want to own a broken ass dvd. The cats dont even fuck in this house if I am not getting laid lol. That must be why they have been going outside alot lately.


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The grass is greener on the other side eh?

I hate my ass. I'm not one of those women that takes a bite out of a burger then pinches her mid section and says, hey, look, it's right there. I'm brutally honest and highly critical about my body. Ass is not one of my best features, never has been. Thankfully, I married a man who prefers a smaller ass.

Allenhurst NJ
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* Don't like your ass, get the fat sucked out and make it smaller. *

Hot damn! I hate my ass, it's too fucking small! Is there a procedure to make it bigger, just a tad more padding please?

Allenhurst NJ
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I'm of the same mindset as Sed. I never really watched much before I met Mr. But I'd be a great director. I'm the one yelling the screen, Okay, dammit, enough oral, ram that cock into her ass and let's get on with it! (well, I don't really yell, but I do say things like that). Mr. just laughs. He will get busy with me soon after we start watching, but I'll stop him and say, "wait...I want to see this part." I'm a bitch.

And, here is the thing I've noticed most: When porn is hidden, when a guy (or girl, ok) feels they have to hide their porn sites, books, movies, and watch/read/look at it on the sly, then the other spouse usually will have a problem. Same with swinging and cheating. When it's shared, or at least known about openly, it doesn't seem to be a problem.

I think it really depends upon the person viewing the porn and why they view it. If, yes, they view it thinking they wish their partners were "like that," or "did that," then yeah, a woman can feel insecure. My ex was like that, also kept it hidden, and also made a big deal out of preaching how wrong it was, to others. But if a man (and I'm using males b/c that's my perspective, as a woman) views it, gets turned on, and it's manifested towards his wife, then where is the problem? A mature, confident, secure man knows the "Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah" is acting, and that the film is often looped, they take breaks, come back to it, not many women can suck a dick for THAT long with that expression on their face...and so on. Duh.

Men are made to be visual. We had a friend who also got turned on watching gay porn, and it confused and upset his wife until she realized that no, he did not want to be with men and not with her, it was simply sex. Sex is sex, and he was turned on by the visual aspects of having sex, male or female. They came to an understanding, and things were okay. She didn't need to feel "threatened."

If porn bothers you, ask yourself why. Is it because he/she is spending more time watching porn than being intimate with you? If so, yes, that would bother me too, and would warrant conversation. Is it something that's used as foreplay, or to get aroused, or as a diversion, or experiment, or hell, just for fun?

Interesting question. I think it takes experience, confidence, assurance, and sometimes ok, reassurance, to realize that people in magazines and movies are just that. And you are a real live, warm willing and able body. And more.

When I first met my husband, I had just come from a long line of abuse. I had little self esteem. He was away on a trip, and I was cleaning, making room for new stuff, etc., and came across a lot of pictures of some very gorgeous "perfect" women my husband had been with sexually. I cried. I thought, "wow...he's been with these women, what the f does he see in ME?" how silly. But okay. It took a little while to understand what he saw in me...and how I wished I could've seen myself as he did. Well, that takes time and experience. Security. It does sometimes depend on your past, your self esteem. You are in charge of yourself on that one. And you may be surprised, as I was, how very little time it takes to gain confidence in the right circumstances, with the right people in your life.

And then, everything can be fun. You can be so free to enjoy life and sex and other people, and all it has to offer. That's a great place to get to. You might not remain there permanently 24/7 (because our minds don't always let us stay there), but you will definitely have more sense of security and confidence and joy if you let yourself unleash yourself a bit.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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this study does not surprise me in regard to females and self esteem. I mean, it is just like magazines. We are fed images that are fake and lies....yet we accept them to be our "ideal"...and when our own bodies do not measure up to this mental standard we beat ourselves to death over it. Same goes with this. For me it really doesnt...perhaps because I have been friends with dancers. My friend told me, its like any job. she said when they are up there dancing they are usually thinking about taking the kids to school the next day, the fact that she has to wash clothes when she gets home from work, etc....same shit we think about, only she is nude while doing it.


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Love watching porn with B. I notice things that he doesn't ;). It drives him nuts. Particularly I love watching amateur porn, I always wonder about what were thee people thinking when they decided to do this!

Allenhurst NJ
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TOPIC: Porn and self estem