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Mom's and their sons : Swingers Discussion 1979561031
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TOPIC: Mom's and their sons
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You will be damaged by it, your view of the world will be changed, people who haven't been in the military will hate your level of dicipline and will try to use it against you"

I am also a vet...and I respectfully disagree with this generalization. Given, I am NOT a war vet. I did not get deployed to Saudi when we served, so my experience is NOTHING in comparison with the service people today. However, yes. My view of the world changed. For me, for the better. I went from being a naive little girl who had never seen outside of Wisconsin and a little bit of Texas to being a self independent woman living in Germany. Do people hate my level of discipline? Ummm, I dunno. I know that I am a pain in the ass to employees because of my insistence that they pay attention to detail and drive. BUT...that is not a bad thing again, in my opinion. I think that some get messed up, yes. Esp. our heroes coming back from the middle east. However, I do not think across the board it is bad, hell no. I loved my time in the military, I'd trade it for nothing.


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Seventh: speaking as a veteran, don't play tough. Military life is one of the hardest things possible, and even if you aren't deployed to war... You will be damaged by it, your view of the world will be changed, people who haven't been in the military will hate your level of dicipline and will try to use it against you.

When ever you can, seek counciling. Something that may seem small usually isn't, and will fester into personality issues. If sent to war, waste no time in seeking VA help for Any illnesses that you didn't have before going to war... OR that became worst after.

Your chain of command WILL blow smoke up your ass about preexisting conditions... It's a smoke screen, the military should have caught major issues and anything they didn't either was so minor they accepted it when you joined or it didn't exist until you joined.

Eigth: The chain of command binds you to obedeance, it will be used to beat you. But it is a chain that smacks both ways if you learn to keep your mouth shut and educate yourself on your rights and use the advocacy groups that exist to help you get what is rightfully yours.

Ninth: expect at the least one mid-east deployment, combat or non-combat.

Tenth: 7/10 people are not your friend, but as the lowest rank... You must treat them all as gods... Would you talk about your god behind their back?.. Yes what you say to other people WILL make it back to them... The military is worst than school girls in this matter.

Eleventh: if you feel that you can no longer handle it, or that you can't take a life... There are escape hatches... Most will NOT result in charges, or any negative actions against yourself. Simply tell the Chaplin that you can not kill people, if you have a surperior like my father was to those under him, or even those not under his command... They shod help you get out through non-punitive means.

If you terminate your contract, you most likely will have to repay the military any bonuses and or benefits like college or the GI bill.

Twelfth: keep all medical documents, keep all dd-214s and or orders.. Even after you are out of the military. Should you find an illness later in life after the military, you might still be covered under the va for it.. This however is subjective.

Hazle Township PA
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The true answer is that no one can answer this for you or him, the best we can do is tell you our experiences...

First, take what the image of the recruiter and replace it with the devil himself. Everythig he/she says is either a lie, half truth or a bastard child someplace between. Verryify everything! Demand the DD forms and all materials that the contract references, yes there should be no less than 100 pages to read.

Second: get god and country out of your mind. Simply put, the Police in the US can use tear gas, and other riot control methods that get US service members sent to prison for. I named tear gas as it is illegal in war, it is called a chemical weapon and found under the MWD catagory.

Third: be prepared to be told not to shoot, even as your friends lay dying. My father (army) had to watch as two of our men huddled (one wounded) beging a jersey barrier which was deteriorating due to enemy weapons fire... My father was under direct orders NOT to return fire unless he had 100% assured targets. (this means absolutely no chance is civilian casualties)

Fourth: expect every shot to be counted. If your son kills a civilian, or thought it had a weapon AND was firing at them, not just carrying a weapon. Your son may go to jail... As others have, for disobeying direct orders under Rules of engagement.

Fifth: three good movies to see, the beast (Russian tank crew in Afghanistan) 9th company (Russian infantry company in Afghanistan) and rules of engagement.

Reason these are good movies to see is, they are as close to how it really is over there, and how we treat our troops.

Sixth: if your son wants to have direction.. And a job after the military, go air force and enter communications. He is almost assured employment after his first enlistment.

.

Hazle Township PA
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Tall

Do you have children?

Rumson NJ
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KD -- I'm sure you are struggling right now and my heart goes out to you.

When I was 19, I dropped out of college. I was in my sophomore year, had a full ride scholarship, and I was miserable. I remember calling my Nana in the middle of the night to tell her that I just couldn't stay there. I know my family was stunned and I am sure that my Mom was devastated that her "perfect" daughter was going to be a college dropout; however, she never let that show. I was terrified to tell her and, honestly, it was one of the few times in our relationship where she really stepped up and was supportive. She never questioned me or criticized me. What she did do was ask me "What next?" and made it clear that, while I could move home, I would be expected to get a job. Looking back, I can only laugh at how crazy it was... one week, I'm at an elite private university and two weeks later, I'm filling vending machines at the Atlanta World Congress Center and Georgia Dome.

I spent two years working a variety of jobs before I went back to school. During this time I did a version of the "walk about" that your son is craving. I drove out to California to visit my Dad, worked the summer out there, and then spent about 6 weeks driving back... traveling all the way up the west coast to Canada and then meandering throughout the country as I made my way back to Atlanta. People questioned my parents, asking how they could "allow" their 20 year old daughter to travel alone. My parents again stood by me and said that I was an adult, I had earned the money to support myself, and they trusted that I would be responsible on the trip. This was before cell phones so every night I called my Nana to tell her where I was so she could put a pin in a map of the United States. That was 20 years ago and it still makes me smile. During this time, I worked hard and I really thought about what I wanted to do with my life. I did go back to school. I not only finished my undergraduate degree but went on to graduate school and ended up a college Professor.

As a Professor, I have seen so many students struggling with college, so many students who have no business being at college, so many students who just use college as a way to prolong their parents taking care of them. I respect that your son recognized that, at this time, it wasn't the right place for him. He might decide to join the military. He might decide to attend a trade school. He might go in to the work force. He's young enough that there is time for him to make the right choice and find something he can be passionate about. I think as long as you support him with love and yet set boundaries (like he isn't returning to the Bank of Mom & Dad) that he will find the right path and always remember that his parents loved, trusted, and supported him.

Pittsburgh PA
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lol yes Ma'm....both Jay and I were active duty. We actually met and married while stationed at Fort Polk, Louisiana :0)


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I can tell you that the military was wonderful for me. It taught me independence, strength, integrity...and took me out of Beloit, Wisconsin and a probably life of poverty. I met my husband....so without the Army I would not have my children. I would not trade my time in the military for anything. However...I also served in peace time. Would I stop my son from going into the military? No, as long as he/she did this with thought and purpose. It is not a decision you make without thinking about it. I would not stop him. I would go to the recruiter's office with him however so he doesnt get it handed to him. The fact that this is war time does not sway my decision. We have to have soldiers/marines/sailors and airmen....and their service makes them heroes. The only thing I can say is, this is NOT a decision that is made lightly. Because once you take that 2nd oath, you are property of the United States government.


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As much as your heart breaks to see him go( God I know how much it hurts ), you have to let him choose his path in life.It is his life and he is the one who have to make himself happy. You gave him wings, let him fly.

~ A military Mom PS (Facebook is awesome to keep in contact even when over seas)

Augusta NJ
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I understand your pain KD. I too have two boys, and one of them is in college, he has a year left. When entering, he too had no idea what he wanted to be, other than being interested very much in meteorology. Though we both felt that it's a flaky field, decided to support him. Around the end of the first year, he began talking about joining the military. We sat down and talked at length. We told him that though we are upset by it, we will absolutely support him if this is truly what he wants to do. We left it at that. He never brought the subject up, and has changed his major, leaving meteorology as a minor.

Maybe if you tell him to take his time, think hard, since there is no going back, he might reconsider...

Good luck.

Rumson NJ
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If this is something he truly wants to do, I would stand by him.

We tried to get my son to join the military. Had he done that, he probably wouldn't be sitting in jail right now.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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TOPIC: Mom's and their sons