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How do we start : Swingers Discussion 55366
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TOPIC: How do we start
Created by: BrianG1953 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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My hubby mentioned this lifestyle to me, and just gave me a chance to think about it. Sometimes it may take a while. If your wife is really interested, then she will let you know. Just keep the communication going. Let her know your feelings and ask her how she feels. That way both of you know what you want.

Mrs. Nib

Dayton OH
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like that one...may have to adjust my saying. lol

Four Oaks NC
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Brian, I'm with Julia on this issue...If her saying she is interested in other thing ends the conversation...you have missed a great opportunity. IE...next question "what other things might you be interested in" and go from there. In my line of work, I have a saying to train my staff, it also proves well in the real world as well.

"If you didn't get the answer you want, you didn't ask the right question"

Good Luck

Four Oaks NC
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I'm with bringing up that topic again, when she admits being open for something new, show her the site for a local Club or M&G or sit and search for one with her. My reasoning for meeting in a larger group environment as opposed to a smaller setting is basically that you can choose whether to be outgoing or in observant mode in those situations.

Philadelphia PA
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Brian, first off - welcome! I can totally understand this subject. My husband and I had many talks about our fantasies and such before we came to SLS. We would talk and talk and talk - we've been married for 17 years so we have had a lot of time! He checked out the site first and he set up a profile. At the time it was very generic. He approached me with it when we were on a cruise. Upon our return (which I couldn't wait to check this out!) he showed me the site and our profile. We sat down together worked on our profile, added some pics and here we are. We are totally into each other, we play together, and we know that nothing happens unless everyone is comfortable. Most important bit of information is to always communicate with each other. If she's not ready, don't push. Be patient. I was a little nervous at first but it's all good now!! Good luck!

Kansas City MO
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Brian: I agree with clearsthroat - don't show her your profile. With us, swinging is about trust and togetherness; I'm not sure how I would have felt if the Mr. had posted a profile and then told me after!

Also, why does your wife's response, "I'm open to new things." end the conversation? Are you picking up that "new things" ball and running (or at least walking) with it? From my perspective, if you wait for her to say something more, it seems like you will be waiting a long time ... You brought up the subject; have something to say in response.

Could you follow up with an invitation to look at some swinging sites with you? Can you find postings/threads that talk about rules that other swingers have for themselves, and that no means no? Do you talk about what you 'd like to try and why? Do you suggest going to a club just to see what it's like?

Good luck, and let us know what happens.

Mrs. JR

St Thomas VI
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First off Brian don't show her the profile you've made with your name and her bicurious (was that discussed?). When you introduce the topic try not to make it sound like you just want to fuck other women, it just looks bad. Ask her what her fantasies are and if there are things she'd like to try and then show her the advantages to her if you were to experiment swing style. If nothing jives with her don't bring it up or cheat, buy her some lingerie.

Wheatland CA
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I was just talking to a life long vanilla friend about this minutes ago. She was telling me that they went to a swing club for their anniversary by "mistake". They (she) had no idea what a swing club was or existed and it was an quite an experience. She said they left pretty quickly, but the seed was planted. Then she said a few days later, that her hubby showed her a site that he stumbled upon "accidently". LoL! She was amazed at what it all entailed. Said she was never aware of the lifestyle before. It has intrigued her so who knows. I bet next time she calls me from Colorado, she will have at least tried it once.

I have never disclosed my lifestyle to them and have known them for over 15 years. I always thought they would make excellent swingers and often fantasied there. I downplayed my role as a bi-fem swinger, but I have always picked up on those vibes with her. Never know? I definitely told her that swinging was the cats MEOW................................. It's now up to them to explore at their own comfort level, if ever.

RaveN ( :~

Fort Worth TX
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let her take her time, and let her check profiles and forums, and other venues of knowledge RE the lifestyle

Delton MI
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TOPIC: How do we start