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What is Rude : Swingers Discussion 102539
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TOPIC: What is Rude
Created by: Bumperdude
Original Starting post for this thread:
I just had the oddest IM. Having emailed a single lady and not getting a reply, I tried to IM politely. She answered, then became snotty replying that her not answering was the normal way to say not interested. Then she took offense that I would IM, and said she thought it was rude that I would IM her. Am I in the wrong here? After >10 years in the lifestyle, I have never been so rude as to not at least reply to an email. Have things changed or are there "new rules" regarding contacting single women?

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Shell--no disrespect intended BUT----- AGAIN!!! When will you all get that your actions, words, and reactions are THE ONLY thing that you can truly control in life????!!!!! I can't believe the overwhelming need of some to control others' behaviors....... "

Hahaha you are absolutely right gorgeous, its a character flaw I'll admit!! LOL. And admittedly I'm thinking its PMS week too.....lol. Seriously though you are RIGHT. Absolutely you are correct and I didn't say anything to the biatch I mean, lady. But you know Pussy, what happened to common courtesy? I wasn't asking to fuck her, I was simply being polite. I was taught (and again, I know I know you can't control others LMAO) that you say Yes Ma'm and No Sir. I was taught when you walk in front of someone you say excuse me. Hell my Mother would slap my lips off of my face if when I was little I referred to an adult by their first name without a Miss or Mr first. LOL. Do I say anything to people in public when obviously they lack what I consider to be proper human courtesy? Nah, no use in trying to change an adults beliefs. Is it disappointing to me however? Yes. I mean seriously, we are raising some rude ass children too. But thats another matter....but if my children walk up to you and refer to you without a Miss in the front of your name someone is getting their ass reamed. Oh well. The moral to my story? You are correct. I cannot control other's behavior. But it sure in my mind tells me something about another person in how they do behave.


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Pussy,

Unless it's an SLS group invite, to which no response is expected, we never E-mail anyone. So, we really haven't had it happen to us nor is there a reason for us to list the request in our profile. Our reason for posting in this thread was because we're repeatedly read about how often other people are ignored (we've even had people thank us for telling them no rather than ignoring them).

We will not presume to tell anyone how to act or what they should do. We only stated why we act the way we do and the hope that others could try to be nice.

As to our stated rules, we are an absolute pain in the ass to meet and we freely admit it. We're very fortunate to have received a lot of interest so we think it's best to lay what we are, and aren't, looking for right on the line.

Lost, you acted with class and you proved you're the better person because of it.

~ Jen

Fort Lauderdale FL
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" As she is walking by I smiled and said hello, how are you...that woman looked at me like dirt under her shoe and kept checking herself. I mean, obvious lol....now NORMALLY I would call someone out on that. And I have done it before at work. I will be the one to say GOOD MORNING a second time if you act like you are crazy and do not return with a common courtesy response LMAO. "

Shell--no disrespect intended BUT----- AGAIN!!! When will you all get that your actions, words, and reactions are THE ONLY thing that you can truly control in life????!!!!! I can't believe the overwhelming need of some to control others' behaviors.......

St George UT
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“That appreciation can easily explain why many will ask for the simple few-second task of saying no thank you.”

Or…you could figure it out on your own when your e-mail is not replied to. Yet again, you are trying to elicit the response that YOU want (controlling) out of another human being that might just operate differently than you. I'm really surprised with all the rules and regulations that you have on your profile that you haven't listed this rule of "having" to reply to the e-mails you send.

When I first joined this site I did the "proper and polite" no thank you responses all day long. I chose the automated response. I got overwhelming amounts of insecure people who just didn't like the automated "NO". They would e-mail endlessly and want to know why or they'd reply with an insult because I said "no thank you". I simply do not care to wrap myself around their insecure drama. We are all adults here......either you grab a clue when there is no reply or you spend endless days wondering why someone didn't like you or didn't reply to you or in other words---why they didn't make you feel better about yourself because you lack that ability and belief in yourself.

And on a side note, I am a very polite person on a day to day basis and in person. I too say "thank you", "please", "no thank you", and I open doors for anybody, etc, etc, etc. I'm not approaching people in my day to day life and considering them for sex though. I'm not looking to swing with them. I'm not viewing pictures of them naked in consideration of fucking them. They aren't approaching me and asking to see my naughty pics or coming on to me about "hooking up". Let's not pretend that there isn't a fine line between day to day interactions and swing interactions. Swinging is plainly and simply about recreational sex---period. Sexual attraction is prime---first and foremost to this. I strongly believe that if you have all these e-mail expectations of people and judge a no response as rude, then you simply aren't ready for the carnal, down right recreational side of swinging. People form judgements of sexual attraction based on height, weight, hair color, boob size, cock size, etc, etc, etc. The last thing we need to "worry" about is IF you are being treated "rudely" by a no response e-mail. It takes all the fun out of swinging to be so insecure.

St George UT
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Whether it's in real life or here, we treat people the way we want to be treated. "

You are 100% absolutely and positively correct in that. People should not be rude or assholes. However unfortunately some people are. My point was to the gentleman was if you try and hold people to their rudeness and take it personally you will get frustrated because lets face it, there are alot of pricks out there. Just last night it was like all of the assholes showed up at once, perhaps it was a convention LMAO! I was in the restroom at the club and my Mama taught me to smile and say good evening. This petite little thing was in there checking all the angles which is cool, we all do that. As she is walking by I smiled and said hello, how are you...that woman looked at me like dirt under her shoe and kept checking herself. I mean, obvious lol....now NORMALLY I would call someone out on that. And I have done it before at work. I will be the one to say GOOD MORNING a second time if you act like you are crazy and do not return with a common courtesy response LMAO. But this is the lifestyle and if she wants to be a snotty ass than let her, who gives a shit. LOL I thought it was funny, she was something else. Anyways, here in this hobby you just cannot hold people to "normal" acts of kindness I guess I am saying or you will either make a scene and look like an ass yourself or get really frustrated. When people are like that I just smile, to me it shows poor content of character on their part.


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We have nothing but respect for the other posters to this thread but disagree with many. We were all, hopefully, raised with manners. The words please, thank you, no thank you, and I'm sorry were pounded into our heads. We thank people who hold doors for us and we hold doors for others. Why should we set a lower standard, than real life, because we're afforded the anonymity of the Internet?

We like it when people are nice to us so we try to be nice to everyone in return. As most others have, we've certainly experienced our own share of rudeness so we can appreciate the frustrations that others may feel. That appreciation can easily explain why many will ask for the simple few-second task of saying no thank you. We don't like controlling people either but there's probably a lot more than that.

Whether it's in real life or here, we treat people the way we want to be treated. When someone isn't being nice then the simple answer is to ignore them and move on. Kind words feel as good giving as they do being received and we've all been given an unending supply of them.

We wish everyone could be nice and get along.

Fort Lauderdale FL
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From my own experience--I can receive an e-mail, be interested, go look at their profile, and then become not interested simply because they state in their profile that they want an e-mail answer no matter what. I find time and again that those people are full of problems, drama, or immaturity and not ready to swing. They are still caught up in the vanilla world and smearing it over into the swinging world by trying to control how people interact. Yes, I said it LOL---they are trying to control--instead of realizing that it's completely out of their hands......I'll stop now before I go into all the psychological babble about controlling behaviours LOL!

St George UT
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Mark..

I have a personal standard too which I do not change because of response received. Sometimes the responses are quite funny. Going back to what Lost said about meeting up with people that I would call rude at a dance. It can be very interesting. We have had a couple situations in meeting couples that I would call being rude and glad we did not meet them and other times it turns out we were glad to meet them in person. Essentially, we just view people are people.

Lansing MI
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"but, I'm not sure I'm holding the whole world to my personal standards, rather, I'm applying what I consider "normal" from my day to day interactions"

You are proving my point lol. What you consider "normal" for an interaction is YOUR standard. We all have them. The world of e-mail is a whole other story than people you talk to in person on a day to day basis. You aren't posing the "Let's fuck" theme to them LOL!!

St George UT
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LMAO no one is saying you are immature haha. It is normal when you are starting out to expect more from others sometimes than what you receive. We are just telling you that if you take things personally you will get pissed and then frustrated :0).


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TOPIC: What is Rude