People writing from far away: Swingers Discussion 206518

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TOPIC: People writing from far away

Created by: highdrive36G Original Starting post for this thread:
I'm wondering if this happens to others often. In my profile it says I'm looking for fa few people to have steady hookups with. Which in my mind means we hookup at least monthly. But, I constantly get mail from people 3 or more hours away. Even if I did vibe with these people and a few were very attractive; that just seems like a bad situation. That is a huge amount of pressure on me. What if they get here and they aren't as good looking as their pics, or they think that of me, or there is no chemistry. I always try for no play first meets to remove any pressure. Doesn't mean I won't play but I like to setup the expectation of no play. So why would someone drive 6 hours to see me. I know unicorns are rare but that's kind of crazy.

Created by: highdrive36G
Original Starting post for this thread:

I'm wondering if this happens to others often. In my profile it says I'm looking for fa few people to have steady hookups with. Which in my mind means we hookup at least monthly. But, I constantly get mail from people 3 or more hours away. Even if I did vibe with these people and a few were very attractive; that just seems like a bad situation. That is a huge amount of pressure on me. What if they get here and they aren't as good looking as their pics, or they think that of me, or there is no chemistry. I always try for no play first meets to remove any pressure. Doesn't mean I won't play but I like to setup the expectation of no play. So why would someone drive 6 hours to see me. I know unicorns are rare but that's kind of crazy.

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User Details are only visible to members.	The lovely TotalBabe did an excellent job addressing your concerns but I'll add my 2 cents. I too get emails and IMs from way too far away - and my profile specifically states that if you're not in the Pittsburgh area, please don't contact me. These couples and SM will try to convince me that they don't mind the travel but I tell them that I mind it. I don't like the idea of someone driving 2-4 hours to meet me. Its too much pressure, too much expectation, and too inconvenient to schedule. You have to decide what you're comfortable with and stick to your guns. There's no need for you to make compromises for someone else; that's not why you found the LS.
Pittsburgh PA			Username hidden (4057 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Happens to me too... Yes, unicorns are rare and some people do want that experience really bad. In this case, ONLY if I might be interested, I always point out my distance from them, and I emphasize that I do not play on the first date. If they still want to travel my way... Well, their choice. Then we set up a date. And if we meet and don't click? Very uncomfortable, that is true. But I am doing any pity fucks. I will express my appreciation for their time, but no apologetic explanations needed. Simple "I did not feel the compatibility, chemistry, attraction", whatever, should be sufficient. If they do not take "no" for an answer, then you know, you had avoided a drama bullet. If they push for play just because they drove all this way... Well, I had told them in the very beginning, how long they would be driving to see me, and they agreed! Most people who had written to me from far away, wanting to meet, gave up when faced with the idea of X number of hours spent in the car with no guarantee of chemistry and play. By the way, that is a good way to weed out most fake single guys, lol. Not saying that couples writing from far away are fake, but those poor horny single guys will try just about everything. My advantage is, I live in a tourist area, so I always ask if there is a possibility of them vacationing in my area sometime soon? On the other hand, he downside to that is, how am I going to know, if I feel the same about that couple say, 7 months from now, when they come for their vacation? When someone writes to me and I am getting a good vibe, I prefer to meet ASAP. I used to feel that pressure on me as well. No more. What I am saying is, ONLY when I think something may happen, I continue the conversation, and I always make sure to thoroughly communicate so nothing is left out. And when we meet and it is not going to happen, either for you or for them? Well, it happens. It happened to me, the guy looked nothing like his picture. All you can do is to thank them for their time, and walk away. Just like in vanilla dating. You will not be everyone's cup of tea, and you will not be attracted to everyone, just because they drove X number of hours. And you might want to be just a little more specific about your playmate preferences? If you want to meet with a few people only, say so. If you are looking for semi-local folks only, say so. If you want somewhat regular get-togethers, spell that out in your profile as well. Does not mean that people will necessarily read all that, but you will have a good reference point to show them. You would be able to say, "Hey, my profile specifies that I am looking for up to 5 couples that live no more than 2 hours from me, for once-a-month dates." Or something along these lines. Nothing can be assumed. Some people still will want you to make an exception for them (single guys are notorious for that, lol), , but the best you can do for yourself is to stand by your rules and what makes YOU happy in the lifestyle. Lots of fun is to be had, but only when the aforementioned fun is mutually given and received. Don't sweat the petty stuff, pet the sweaty stuff ;-) Good luck!
Panama City Beach FL			Username hidden (1927 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm wondering if this happens to others often. In my profile it says I'm looking for fa few people to have steady hookups with. Which in my mind means we hookup at least monthly. But, I constantly get mail from people 3 or more hours away. Even if I did vibe with these people and a few were very attractive; that just seems like a bad situation. That is a huge amount of pressure on me. What if they get here and they aren't as good looking as their pics, or they think that of me, or there is no chemistry. I always try for no play first meets to remove any pressure. Doesn't mean I won't play but I like to setup the expectation of no play. So why would someone drive 6 hours to see me. I know unicorns are rare but that's kind of crazy.
W Bloomfield MI			Username hidden (5 post)

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TOPIC: People writing from far away

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