Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle: Swingers Discussion 59541

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TOPIC: Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle

Created by: joeodd2 Original Starting post for this thread:
It just amazes me how many couples bring vanilla expectations into the lifestyle. And I realize that the lifestyle is made up of a tapestry of different people looking for different things. However, I feel that the lifestyle should focus more on fantasy and let the other stuff develop afterwards. I see alot of "not looking for a one night stand", "back yard bbqs", "looking for good friends", "dancing, movies, dinner". I have to check the address bar sometimes to make sure that I hadn't been transferred to matchmaker or some dating web site. Now I'm not just making a gripe because I'm a single male. I have played and talked to many couples who say the same thing about other couples. It's like they want to date you and have some kind of LTR with you. I don't have a problem with making friends, but let's keep it lite. "no strings attatched" should be the attitude if you are a serious swinger. I don't think that most couples are. That makes it even tougher for single guys because if it's hard for even an attractive couple to find playmates, then we have it 100 times even worst then they do. What do you think? Is the lifestyle really more of a social club for meeting friends or is it more about fantasy?

Created by: joeodd2
Original Starting post for this thread:

It just amazes me how many couples bring vanilla expectations into the lifestyle. And I realize that the lifestyle is made up of a tapestry of different people looking for different things. However, I feel that the lifestyle should focus more on fantasy and let the other stuff develop afterwards.  I see alot of "not looking for a one night stand", "back yard bbqs", "looking for good friends", "dancing, movies, dinner". I have to check the address bar sometimes to make sure that I hadn't been transferred to matchmaker or some dating web site. Now I'm not just making a gripe because I'm a single male. I have played and talked to many couples who say the same thing about other couples. It's like they want to date you and have some kind of LTR with you. I don't have a problem with making friends, but let's keep it lite. "no strings attatched" should be the attitude if you are a serious swinger. I don't think that most couples are. That makes it even tougher for single guys because if it's hard for even an attractive couple to find playmates, then we have it 100 times even worst then they do. What do you think? Is the lifestyle really more of a social club for meeting friends or is it more about fantasy?

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User Details are only visible to members.	"I would prefer the latter, frankly" We're with you Phil! ;-)
Cambridge VT			Username hidden (6303 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	There are as many ways to conduct the lifestyle as there are people in it. Whatever works for you.
Port Orange FL			Username hidden (54 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	More social than fantasy for me. RaveN ( :~
Fort Worth TX			Username hidden (8590 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ah, Phil, but it IS incremental. Or supposed to be. Jim
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	2inVT, Now your last FOUR posts are all numbered 1542! LOL Jim
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I actually have been very shocked with the amount of couples that want to "date". Many people in LA seem to make it in to a social club first and sex is an after thought IF it ever occurs. We have that with our vanilla friends and never expected to have to deal with this aspect so much when getting in the LIfestyle.
Mountain Ranch CA			Username hidden (8750 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"We just prefer not to go into it with folks whose style is "One time, and that's it" Agreed. We hope to find couples who are willing to let things develop as they will rather than have a preconceived idea of a 1-timer or an LTR. Jim (wondering why BOTH of 2inVT's last 2 posts were number 1540)
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	In our experience and that of friends we've discussed it with, couples tend to go through a growth process in the first few years of swinging, if they even last that long. When people are "newbies," they tend to have certain preconceived ideas about what they are looking for, what they are willing to do, and the kind of relationship they are looking for. Reality happens, and you discover that to really enjoy swinging you need to redefine your rules for playing, your ideas of what you want to do, and your concept of whom you want to do it with. Eventually, you just "go with the flow" whenever you find a couple you both feel attracted to, and you are grateful for those people with whom you can have a really hot, sexy time with and who have no issues that get in the way of the fun. Whether they are 1-timers or people you play with a few times and then disappear, or if you are still fucking them 10 years later, you consider yourselves fortunate to have found really fun, sexy people that you really enjoyed and hit it off with. Let's have a great time if we're all interested, and let time take care of whether it becomes a 1-time thing, a short-term relationship, or a long-term friendship with benefits. At least that's our experience and what our friends tell us. Your mileage may vary. jim
South Riding VA			Username hidden (8158 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Part of the problem with those couples looking for either an LTR or exclusivity is our very own society right now. It is very difficult for a couple, especially those with kids, to find the time to go out and meet new people. In fact, it can be almost impossible. There are a handful up here in Vermont who, while they know they are on a swinging site, REALLY want a close friendship with a couple their own age - and if they want, they can throw sex in there as an afterthought. I agree, these are NOT conventional swingers, by any stretch of the imagination. And Flirty, you aren't the only one who is thinking they should change their "tag" line - mine is going to be - "If you are looking for us to date you, please look elsewhere". One dinner (or a meet for drinks) is all it takes for us to know if it is a "yes" or "no". We met one couple for dinner, very nice newbies who appeared to be very enthusiastic about swinging. They invited us out for a second dinner, stating that they had some questions that weren't sure they were "comfortable" with the idea of hot naked sex yet. We decided to tolerate it for one more "date" because they were very hot, and just our type! They called us a week later, inviting us to their home for dinner. We thought, great! Imagine what we felt like when, after dinner, they explained that they "just weren't comfortable yet", and wanted to know if we wanted to go to Boston with them the following weekend! They explained that with their jobs, it was impossible to find another couple to "talk to". Needless to say, we told them they were barking up the wrong tree. S
Cambridge VT			Username hidden (6303 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	yahoo personals huh? No kidding? I might have to check that out. I have a profile on there already but more of a vanilla dating type of deal. Maybe I should just let my freak flag fly and see what happens there.
Arlington TX			Username hidden (2285 post)

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TOPIC: Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle

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