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Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle : Swingers Discussion 59541
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TOPIC: Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle
Created by: joeodd2
Original Starting post for this thread:
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"I would prefer the latter, frankly" We're with you Phil! ;-)

Cambridge VT
 
 
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There are as many ways to conduct the lifestyle as there are people in it. Whatever works for you.

Port Orange FL
 
 
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More social than fantasy for me.

RaveN ( :~

Fort Worth TX
 
 
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Ah, Phil, but it IS incremental. Or supposed to be.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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2inVT,

Now your last FOUR posts are all numbered 1542! LOL

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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I actually have been very shocked with the amount of couples that want to "date". Many people in LA seem to make it in to a social club first and sex is an after thought IF it ever occurs. We have that with our vanilla friends and never expected to have to deal with this aspect so much when getting in the LIfestyle.

Mountain Ranch CA
 
 
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"We just prefer not to go into it with folks whose style is "One time, and that's it"

Agreed. We hope to find couples who are willing to let things develop as they will rather than have a preconceived idea of a 1-timer or an LTR.

Jim (wondering why BOTH of 2inVT's last 2 posts were number 1540)

South Riding VA
 
 
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In our experience and that of friends we've discussed it with, couples tend to go through a growth process in the first few years of swinging, if they even last that long.

When people are "newbies," they tend to have certain preconceived ideas about what they are looking for, what they are willing to do, and the kind of relationship they are looking for.

Reality happens, and you discover that to really enjoy swinging you need to redefine your rules for playing, your ideas of what you want to do, and your concept of whom you want to do it with.

Eventually, you just "go with the flow" whenever you find a couple you both feel attracted to, and you are grateful for those people with whom you can have a really hot, sexy time with and who have no issues that get in the way of the fun. Whether they are 1-timers or people you play with a few times and then disappear, or if you are still fucking them 10 years later, you consider yourselves fortunate to have found really fun, sexy people that you really enjoyed and hit it off with.

Let's have a great time if we're all interested, and let time take care of whether it becomes a 1-time thing, a short-term relationship, or a long-term friendship with benefits.

At least that's our experience and what our friends tell us. Your mileage may vary.

jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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Part of the problem with those couples looking for either an LTR or exclusivity is our very own society right now. It is very difficult for a couple, especially those with kids, to find the time to go out and meet new people. In fact, it can be almost impossible. There are a handful up here in Vermont who, while they know they are on a swinging site, REALLY want a close friendship with a couple their own age - and if they want, they can throw sex in there as an afterthought.

I agree, these are NOT conventional swingers, by any stretch of the imagination. And Flirty, you aren't the only one who is thinking they should change their "tag" line - mine is going to be - "If you are looking for us to date you, please look elsewhere". One dinner (or a meet for drinks) is all it takes for us to know if it is a "yes" or "no".

We met one couple for dinner, very nice newbies who appeared to be very enthusiastic about swinging. They invited us out for a second dinner, stating that they had some questions that weren't sure they were "comfortable" with the idea of hot naked sex yet. We decided to tolerate it for one more "date" because they were very hot, and just our type! They called us a week later, inviting us to their home for dinner. We thought, great! Imagine what we felt like when, after dinner, they explained that they "just weren't comfortable yet", and wanted to know if we wanted to go to Boston with them the following weekend! They explained that with their jobs, it was impossible to find another couple to "talk to". Needless to say, we told them they were barking up the wrong tree. S

Cambridge VT
 
 
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yahoo personals huh? No kidding? I might have to check that out. I have a profile on there already but more of a vanilla dating type of deal. Maybe I should just let my freak flag fly and see what happens there.

Arlington TX
 
 
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TOPIC: Fantasy vrs Vanilla in the Lifestyle