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Cheating spouse in the Lifestyle : Swingers Discussion 101610
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TOPIC: Cheating spouse in the Lifestyle
Created by: n2swingn The original post for this thread was deleted.
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So the original OP posted this like 620 days ago...now SHE is the only one in the Lifestyle. Guess changing the rules didn't work.

K

Oklahoma City OK
 
 
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maybe i've had to many beers... but i don't understand the question.

our rules are our rules. they change from time to time. But when we're out the rules are not changable. We can discuss changing them later. does that help you?

Lake Worth FL
 
 
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I'm a MM, but tell you that in my profile! If someone wants to hookup then I want them to know up front because I don't like to play games or waste my time... and it seems to work well and appreciated by those I do get to meet in the lifestyle! BTW, I'll be in Vegas 12/7-10 and do love playing with Aisian ladies!!

N Palm Beach FL
 
 
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I'm not generally considered 'orthodox' in my opinions about the lifestyle... meaning that my opinions are not shared by most in the lifestyle... but here are my two cents...

Before you get to try the lifestyle you both MUST know that each of you will be having sexual intimacy with others. Sexual intimacy also leads to some level of emotional intimacy...

It really does not matter if you are in the same room or not... because hot sex has a way of bringing two (or more) people together emotionally as if there were a 'marriage' relationship or 'lover' relationship between them. It does not matter if you 'see' it happening or you don't (because the other is in a different room). It does happen most of the time if the sex is good. Also with great frequency two strangers 'click' and then your partner or spouse is in an emotional liaison to some degree with another person... In the lifestyle you have to learn to accept it and live with it. Your partner will have many 'new' friends/lovers/sexual partners, not just you anymore....

If you are not prepared and wanting this then don't be in the lifestyle... Or be in a limited way such as those who are 'soft swingers.'

The best way is to agree (both) to allow the other partner to experience the full gamut of feelings and interactions with others, including having sex in different rooms and getting intimate with your playmates, sharing feelings, caressing each other and doing all things that lovers do either in the same area or room or separately in other rooms.

If both agree and understand this and feel comfortable with this... there will be no jealousy issues, etc... which can be otherwise devastating...

If your marriage or partnership is FRAGILE then, let me say... it's great to experience the lifestyle and play with others so that one or both will feel jealous and neglected and angry and then walk away. This opens the door for a new better relationship and happiness for both... after healing from the breakup. Why keep two people unhappy and suffering and emotionally hurting?

No, don't do it! Break up and find others who you can relate to and be happy with!

So I say, a bad marriage or partnership is not worth shoring up. You are better off breaking it and moving on to a more fun life... This seems to be what you have done and I think it's just great! Have fun and enjoy your new life!

Michelle

Sekiu WA
 
 
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call us old fashioned, but we think there is a world of difference between a married couple swinging and those who are "partners" or "been together" -- even for some extended period. That's kinda like a prolonged "going steady" and we just don't sense the same level of commitment from a BF and GF playing house, that we would from a married couple. We agree -- if this issue came up in a marriage -- it would be prudent to drop the lifestyle right there. Hell, partners probably had other partners before the current one, and will have others again. Just our humble opinion...

Charlotte NC
 
 
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A relationship on the rocks will continue to be on the rocks or be completely destroyed with swinging. With swinging you are giving attention to someone other than your partner. If you partner already feels they are playing second string in your life then swinging will really tear a nerve. Jealous is a HUGE problem with couples that are not happy with their relationship. As soon as they see their partner express/show or break a rule with someone other person it sets off fireworks.

For people in a strong relationship they will respect each other and the rules that are agreed on. If you don't have that then you don't have a relationship that's going to last or generate happiness.

Stuarts Draft VA
 
 
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Our perspective (from veeeeeeeeery long experience): Swinging won't hurt a good relationship --- or fix a bad one. That said, you had better both be on the same page when you begin it. We have met several couples where "he was hot" and "she was not" -- for playing. We avoid them like the plague.

Charlotte NC
 
 
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The greatest pain I ever knew in my life was when I caught my longtime partner with other people behind my back. If you are with somebody who will play with you or play with you and others and who doesnt' mind you playing with others, why sneak around behind their back? I don't understand it to this day and I never will.

I split after that and the funny thing is, she eventually split with the other dude anyway. What good did that do ANY of us?

Logan WV
 
 
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Oh yeah. Introducing swinging into a realtionship is like having a child or building a house together. Been there, done that. If there are weaknesses in the relationship, they will grow into major issues and break you up. On the plus side, it will force you to examine and communicate about sensitive issues and will make you stronger if it doesn't destroy you. But please sort that stuff out at home. If you have a fight at a club or house party, you'll be thrown out and not permitted back.

Burleson TX
 
 
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First, n2, welcome to the Forum.

Second, you need to get the hell out of swinging right now and not venture back in until you and your spouse do some serious heart-to-heart discussion about what is and what is NOT acceptable.

Sounds to me like a serious relationship issue is going on, and swnging will without fail destroy a troubled relationship. Better fix what needs fixing before you even THINK about swinging again.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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TOPIC: Cheating spouse in the Lifestyle