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FORUMS General Discussions Swinger Advice when the husband and wife aren't on the same page .
TOPIC: when the husband and wife aren't on the same page .
Created by: sweetgirl645 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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We've had pretty good success meeting couples through the site couple to couple for a drink and/or bite to eat. You have more time to see if there is compatibility without the noise of a club or meet & greet. Sometimes there is not an all around connection or you get the sense that one partner (usually the wife) is being coaxed into the lifestyle, but we rarely feel our time was wasted because we pre-screen for compatibility via a few e-mails & phone conversation with both partners before meeting. We've also met some couples at clubs, parties or M&G's but our preferred method is couple to couple as we like to establish more than a one & done.

Princeton NJ
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Sure, in the last 10 years we've bumped into five or so couples like this and our BS detectors are pretty good these days. If you pay attention, you can tell when you are talking, smiling, and flirting with the other couple.

When we do see they aren't on the same page or one isn't interested, we politely back up and move in a new direction. It's also true of us, both being "in" or neither (the majority of the time).

This has also evolved our preference to go to clubs and hotel parties with lots of new people to meet vs. meeting one couple out for dinner, etc. We are very happy, playful, and sincere, however, our time is limited and we like to make the most of it. :)

Bensalem PA
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Kaya; OMG, then I'm not the only person who does that! We've left parties and on the way home the Mrs has said something like "Why didn't you get with so-and-so, she was dieing to play with you" and I'm like "Huh?" LOL It's good to know that I'm not the only person out there can be totally oblivious to flirting and hints. :-)


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This has happened with us a couple of times where one or the other in the couple isn't really comfortable with swinging but is just going along with the spouse. We really avoid newbies now because of this.

Salisbury MD
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We have yet to have this experience. I, as the husband, try to let my wife take our encounters with other people/couples at a pace she is comfortable with. The only downside to this is my wife is completely oblivious as to when someone is flirting with her. You have to basically spell it out or she just doesn't get it. I usually try to drop hints about signs she's missed without being so obvious. There are still times where she just doesn't get it.

We usually all have a good laugh over those cause if it goes on too long I am just blunt with her about it. She is a good sport about it and it usually puts the conversation right back on track after we've all finished laughing about it.

Richmond Hill GA
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I will have to agree most times it is the male 1/2 who does all the communication - as well as setting things up. We try to communicate with both M & F right off the bat to see where each feelings lay. Especially, since I am a bi female & a lot of men have the pipe dream of their female w a woman. Sometimes there is excuse after excuse why the female can not chat w me (the female). If this is the case the interest is clear. If all seems good we precede...agree to meet.....if it seems everyone still has a mutual interest once we meet I (female 1/2) will move closely to the female just to quietly chat with her...if not possible try to come up with a reason for us to go for a walk. Point is if the female 1/2 of a couple is not feeling it...it is not worth pursuing!!!

Franklinville NJ
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Had that twice this year first one we met at a local club talked they seemed fine there exchanged numbers . Then for the next week he texted constantly when can you come over. So we met at there house few drinks nothing happend but she seemed withdrawn and quiet said she worked a lot. A free that meeting he started texting every day wanting her to come over and take care of him. This is after multipl times telling him we play together only. Finally had to tell him off nice at first then block when he dident understand.second was just he would invite us out she wouldent show then a message a few days later from her sorry I had outher plans. But met a very nice couple at that party that we can't wait to go out with

Sandwich IL
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This happened a couple of times to my ex-hotwife and I when we began swinging, always when we voice verified with only the male. We would meet the couple at a restaurant or bar for drinks/appetizers/dinner and it was apparent within 15 or 30 minutes that the female was not really on board. We didn't take it personally, but it was certainly disappointing to us because we were both revved up for fun times and sex. Henceforth, when we contacted a couple or a couple contacted us we asked to voice verify and chat with both the male and female. We were in no way pushy, but we both assured both of them that we were serious and excited about meeting and hoping they felt the same way. This weeded out quite a few half-hearted wives and we did connect more often with other couples who were also outgoing and serious.

Kennesaw GA
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Seen it plenty of times, one drives the bus and the partner is just on for the ride. Just like a public transportation bus it moves slow, it's rider's do not engage in conversation with anyone else and just look straight ahead .... awkward and it is one mode of transportation we really do not want to be on.


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I have only seen this where the female is the one being dragged along and the male is also the one online and doing all of the up front communication. It was very clear when we met that she was going along with it to please her controlling husband. Not really a turn on for Mr. Magnetite and I'm not into assholes.

Ms. Magnetite

Dayton OH
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TOPIC: when the husband and wife aren't on the same page .