swinging with your guard up is like having sex without kissing: Swingers Discussion 116606

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swinging with your guard up is like having sex without kissing: Swingers Discussion 116606

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TOPIC: swinging with your guard up is like having sex without kissing

Created by: Mangrovecouple	The original post for this thread was deleted.

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User Details are only visible to members.	We know couples get different things out of swinging and are free to make their own rules, but we are wondering if any other couples feel unfulfilled after an encounter with a couple that remains guarded during conversation then proceeds to play in a similarly guarded manner? What types of things have you noticed a playmate holding back (kissing, holding hands, eye contact, etc.)? Is there anything wrong with wanting the opposite of anonymous sex? " This is a good question and one I am guilty of. As said in our profile, when you first meet me I come across as shy in truth. I am not shy, I am cautious at first and observant. But I have been told that I can come across as "standoffish" and this is an area I work on. For me its 10 times easier if I talk with you either by IM or phone before hand. That way when we do meet I feel comfortable with the couple and it is alot more smoother that way for me. Like Gina said, shyness is something alot of us deal with and it is not a trait you can just "get over", sometimes its just a part of who you are. And Ms. Tort, remember to send me the erotic, slow ones and I'll send the bad boys your way! LOL
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23665 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	we've met couples with similar rules in regards to kissing,etc, but laugh about it. marriage is much more then the sex we share and intimacy, while it can be associated with sex, has more to do with an openness between spouses filled with trust and communication. No one knows my heart, my mind, better then Cathy. This closeness has taken forever to develop, and in no way can it be intruded upon by others. She knows this is little more then recreation, ie much akin to a friendly game of pool. We enjoy the lifestyle, we love and are committed to one another.
Gerrardstown WV			Username hidden (277 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	M agreed on what you expressed not much more to add
Burlingham NY			Username hidden (9220 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	M, I totally understood that, and agree. For "us", it's our hearts...they're not going to anyone else. Our bodies are different in that aspect. We can share our bodies, with the full knowledge that sometimes there might be things we do with others that we don't really do with each other. Doesn't make Us not Us anymore. As for any intimacy, ok, there is some there with friends, but it's not the same as the intimacy I share with D. And we know that. And we respect and honor that in each other. Why would kissing be any different than a deep longing look in your eyes towards another person? Sometimes, to me anyway, that's more intimate than anything else. I'm not trying to start anything here. Just saying that nothing I do, nothing he does physically is ever going to be anything that could interfere with "US" If that were the case, we wouldn't be swinging, and I'd be back in my old abusive marriage, b/c if you don't have that security in yourselves, then anything can shake it up. Gina Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We the same too.
Rochester NY			Username hidden (10385 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We have some rules when we play but we are up front with the people we play with and we don't feel we are guarded. Things only get funny if the person or couple we are with insist on crossing our boundaries. No long deep kissing is one of our rules. We keep some things just for us and we kiss each other with alot of passion and feeling so that is for us. We have some other rules but nothing that makes the sex we share awkward for us or the people we are playing with. In short if we don't keep some things for ourselves then it's not just fun it's everything and then there is no us.
Duquesne PA			Username hidden (32 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"if they changed positions I also had to change position with his wife. " Of all the shit I have read on this site, that has got to be the wierdest(to me) thing I've heard.
Rochester NY			Username hidden (10385 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	first couple we were ever with we were their first as well. anyway even after knowing them for 2 years they did not allow kissing and I could not do anything to her unless he was doing the same with my wife. if they changed positions I also had to change position with his wife. that got very frustrating and BORING so we moved on.
Niagara Falls NY			Username hidden (1021 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think this is a good question and refreshing post. We, too, have occasionally had that happen...where people are reserved, and that's ok, because usually they are: 1. a bit shy 2. not sure how to express their boundaries while playing 3. worried about if their partner is approving or is ok with everything 4. self-conscious about their bodies 5. unsure what will please the people they are with (for example, I don't like my ears licked, and some will try that, but I'll stop them and usually ease their awkwardness with humor) Just some thoughts. Some of the REALLy reserved people probably should not be playing, or maybe they've had "issues" about things and are getting back into things. The more experience you have with different people, the easier it is to sense these things in people. You have to remain open, not only to your own desires, but to the intricasies and "quirks" of all the other people. People are strange, to quote Jim Morrison, and interesting and fascinating and worth getting to know intimately. Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

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TOPIC: swinging with your guard up is like having sex without kissing