We have a great relationship as far as trusting each other, that is why she told me as soon as it happened...didn't really have a problem with the flirting, thats why we don't play with friends we already have, and we both agree that we can not trust this couple now to be friends. It is a shame because we both liked them but know that we can't trust the man. We were just looking for a couple to spend regular time with and playtime, we will take the advice on the joint im for swinging, thanks for that. We are grateful for the advice on how to proceed I don't think she thought it was a big deal at first because she didn't do anything more than flirt and not in secret, she sees my side and knows this is someone we can't trust and for what to look out for in the future. We have a great friendship with a couple we met at a club, and we flirt back and forth with each other but we all know none of us are a threat to each other. Too bad that guy did that he missed out on great sex and so did his wife. lol

i might bet if the roles were reversed and she found out you were chatting and flirting the key word flirting with out her it might not be ok.. so why would she do it, sounds like you 2 may want to talk to each other. were here to swing and have fun there is no way id let some idot try to get between me and my man.. like that would ever happen not!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup. Etiquette is Etiquette and he didn't just make a little boo-boo. He was totally out of line. I wouldn't have anything to do w/ them, if I were you. His behavior is a big ole red flag.

So I guess I am right to cut off contact with these people?

I can't really fault her that much, as she has male friends that we don't play with that she talks to. The problem is that we keep swing friends separate for the most part, and she was totally honest with me that he contacted her and about flirting even for the couple weeks we were broke up. I have a swing friends wife I talk to but not without permission from hubby and I talk to him as much. I think some people should respect boundaries because what if my gf wasn't as honest as she is about it? Just think it could create lots of problems and now this guy misses out on the fun, hard to feel sorry for him.

This phenomenon is so common I have stopped giving couples my IM address, they talk with Jay now usually until we meet. It is incredibly common. In the future one way to stop this is have a joint IM you use just for swinging purposes so they know they are talking with both or either at any given time. If you give the wife's/gf's IM you will be pushed out, usually simple as that. It has happened omg lol, so many times with us. Once the wife is contacted the hubby is kind of like....well, seen as unnecessary. Hate to use that word, but this is how many see it. Remember, some couples have agendas. Your gf definately was guilty as shit though, she is a grown ass woman and should have said this is enough. Was he out of line? Yep. BUT sometimes its just natural, he is there to play with the woman so in his mind he is just doing what he is supposed to do. Husbands are just usually on more than wives I think.

I (male) met a couple online and began chatting with them (him) and added them on im, my gf and I went to their house and played cards to get to know them, where she added them on im. The next day I sent a thank you for the nice time and looked forward to meeting them again, I got no response but gf got an im from the male and he started chatting with her, gf and I had a breakup not related to swinging and she told them and male started flirting with her on im. They invited her up for cards and she told him we were back together so I im'ed them to talk with them but got no response, she talked to him a little later and he said he put me on ignore when we broke up. We have been swinging about 3 years and I never talk to the female 1/2 without making sure male knows, am I being silly or was this guy out of line? Seems like I was disrespected. I told gf I would have a hard time trusting them from here on.