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friends-family finding out : Swingers Discussion 41483
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TOPIC: friends-family finding out
Created by: DANANDFDN
Original Starting post for this thread:
I was just wondering have any of you ever thought of your friends/family finding out what you do for "fun"? Dave and I have thought about it and actually discussed at length. We have come to the conclusion that if they end up being very judgemental and if our friends do not want to be around us, then they truly weren't friends in the first place. Not saying that they need to participate or become active in the Lifestyle, but that they should at least look past what we do and only concentrate on who we are when around them. Now, with family that is something totally different, especially with parents. Anyone's family ever find out?? If so, how did you handle it?

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An interesting question.

-I couldn't hide I am a drunk. Several neighborhood cars were struck by a drunk driver while I was in Fla. They wanted to know where I was! I haven't had a drink in 15 years.

-They knew when I have men over during the day. They see these men and I are close. It doesn't mean we are having sex. Through their eyes, I'm sure that's what they think.

-They see me stay out all night, regularly. Leaving my husband at home with the kitties.

-They see me leave in all manner of dress. Black leather, Frilly short skirts...heels.. I'm pretty sure I'm pegged as the neighborhood weirdo.

My parents know I'm not into the usual things. My father once asked me about the rainbow decal on my car. I asked him if he REALLY wanted to know. He wisely answered...no.

I always answer yes if accused of some nefarious lifestyle. I answer in such a way that the person asking doesn't know for sure if I'm telling the truth or not.

I've been discriminated against because I'm a homosexual, mentally ill, a recovering addict, make money, am married, do "men's" work, subscribe to an alternate spirituality.

I'm never treated badly by folks who understand the concept of live and let live.

Those are the folks I hang with.

Mischief<--was never good at hiding anyway.

Glen Burnie MD
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Content,

No. I believe it's around 4% of the total US population but I'm not solid on that number.

Bellevue WA
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SLOtowner,

As a data point confirming the main point of your post, though. Our families know we're nudists but don't know we swing.

Bellevue WA
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SLOtowner,

It's probably not a huge paradigm shift for over 99% of the population since best estimates are that we swingers are about 4% of the population...

Bellevue WA
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Well.....my mother knows what we do when we go to the "bed and breakfast". We have a great relationship, and being that she was the one watching the kids,and cell phones don't work well at TJ's....we felt that she should know where we really are. She's very cool about it and doesn't ask too many questions. A couple of our best vertical friends also know...they're curious, but not interested, and can be trusted with our lives.

Southampton PA
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Another interesting topic.

There is another topic out there about Nudism v. Swinging and how many swingers are nudists and vice versa (don't worry, there's a point to this).

Well, if your family, friends, neighbors, church, workplace, etc. found your were a nudist, most likely you would be termed "eccentric".

If they all found your were a swinger, they would be shocked, embarassed, angry, outraged; the whole gamut of emotional trauma.

I guess if we had to choose, no one would want all those people to know that they are swingers because the idea of swinging as being acceptable behavior is a huge paradigm shift for 99.5% of the people in this country.

It truly is, or would be, a huge hassel for some or all of our families and extended families to become aware of our lifestyle. The potential impact on our families and, indeed, our livlihoods and future security could be adversely impacted. So, yeah, I think it's a no-brainer; don't ask, don't tell.

San Luis Obispo CA
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We flat out told our children (all adults) about 4 years ago. We had friends killed together in their private plane. When their children had to settle their affairs, they found the evidence and were devastated. They questioned everything they believed about their parents happiness. We didn't want that and told ours. They had mixed reaction but accepted that they didn't have to agree but should respect we were old enough to make a lifestyle choice. After that we became much less secretive around our regular friends. Now my elderly parents would be a whole other story.

Saint Augustine FL
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I doubt that any marriage counselor would recommend swinging to enhance a marriage, and neither would I!

Swinging is far more likely to destroy a marriage with problems that prompt seeing a marriage counselor. In our opinion, and that of most others we've talked to or heard from, swinging requires a really strong marriage BEFORE swinging. Only then can swinging actually bring couples closer together than ever before, usually via improved communication, more openness, and total honesty about your private thoughts about sexual attraction to others.

I would warn anyone who does not already consider their marriage to be rock solid and essentially problem-free that swinging will not save a marriage in trouble. Conversely, it will hasten the demise of such a marriage.

It's like being at a fork in the road. One side leads to an even better and more fulfilling marriage. The other side leads to disaster. You better know the current state of your marriage is absolutely sound before trying to swing.

Just our opinion. Your mileage may vary - - but I doubt it very much.

Jim

South Riding VA
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Ha, nofun! One of the really fun things that swinging has done for us is cause us to look at people everywhere and say "Do you think they swing?" LOL

South Riding VA
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nofun, P's sister is in North Carolina. You'd like her, too. When she walks into a room, every head in the room turns.

I might add, she looks mighty fine naked in my hot tub, too! LOL Seen her there a couple of times, and once skinny-dipping together in their swimming pool.

And no, we don't fool around. We don't do relatives! LOL

South Riding VA
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TOPIC: friends-family finding out