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Wrong reasons VS right reasons : Swingers Discussion 1932541041
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsSwinger AdviceWrong reasons VS right reasons
TOPIC: Wrong reasons VS right reasons
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Never too late Flirt! I only took one class in actual sex therapy in grad school and it was defiantly one of my favorite classes, go figure :)

Rochester NY
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I always wished I would have followed my dream and went into sex therapy. My high school counselor laughed at me. :( I had girls calling me asking me how to masterbate (yes I am 100% serious). And yes girl(S).

Grand Blanc MI
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I myself am very new to this so my thoughts on this matter are still in the developmental stage. Overall, the beauty of the LS seems to be there are no right or wrong answers to anything as long as there is honest communication and everyone is on the same page. I have already noticed however that there seems to be a lot couples who are not always on the same page or even reading the same book. The most common example of this are male halves that seem more interested in finding new woman to chat and pic share with than to make it a true "couple" activity. Great question, I am in the mental health field and am finding it all fascinating. I was joking last night that I think I may have finally identified a topic for my Phd dissertation! Can't think of a more fun way to "research" :)

Rochester NY
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I know you knew it was coming Sav, but again I have to (kind of) disagree. I wasn't 100% when I started, nor do I even know if I am 100% in it now. Because there is that little bit of me that always knows there is the chance of something going wrong that could mess shit up. And in the beginning, honestly I just didn't know. Just like anything you aren't sure of. If you don't know what to expect, it's hard to be 100% go.

I had friends who were 110% into it. They actually asked us to join them. Then they broke up afterwards. We were far from their first, but one wrong thing said (not by us) started a fight which ended with a split. While i feel we are much much stronger than that in many more ways, but it's always a worry because you just never know for sure.

I DO though agree you need to be 100% in knowing the risks. But don't think you have to be 100% into the lifestyle. It's not for everyone, but until you try it, you wont know for sure.

And as far as pressure, I am 50/50. I admit I pressured my wife before we got into threesomes. I knew she had bi fantasies but is very shy. So I pushed (slowely) until she tried it. If I didn't she never would have. She has told me that she is glad I did. But there is also those that really push hard and that is no good and I don't agree with that.

In the end though, I've yet to see someone forced at gunpoint into it. They have the choice to say yes or no even if it means losing their spouse, it was bound to happen regardless.

Grand Blanc MI
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Swinging isn't like eating a new dish or trying a new position there can be huge ramifications if it turns south. Sharing one's body is an extremely personal thing and I think 50 % IN is still 50% OUT. When it comes to sharing ones body your mind better be 100% in to AT LEAST try it or one bad encounter could mean you're relationship is 100% over before you can count to 50. Pressuring someone to give something they aren't comfortable with is wrong on so many levels.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I SORT of agree with pleasing your partner being wrong, but again I don't because there are bigger problems there anyways. If you were 100% against it, you wouldn't get in it anyways. If you are 50% against it, but trying to please your partner, then you really aren't much different than someone trying it out that isn't really sure yet.

gotta separate those just "testing the waters" vs those who are actually IN the LS. To be honest until you have had a couple experiences I wouldn't say you are IN anything. When you have a list of experiences you are in, lol.

The sperm donor thing is just fucked up anyways, but as John said, if both couple KNOW and are okay, then I don't really see it as wrong, but I really wouldnt say that that is getting into the LS. I mean how many times do you really need sperm donated?

There are SO many reasons why, that it really is hard to say whats right or wrong. I just agreed with John in the fact that there is no wrong reason if everyone agrees.

Grand Blanc MI
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I think it is well and find to "try" to make a partner happy in some instances. When you are speaking of giving your to others when you do not want to is unhealthy and will only bring heartache to your soul and relationship. In your case you might want to seriously rethink about the person you're involved with. His behavior is completely unacceptable, shows a huge character flaw that will surely spread into other aspects of how he handles issues, blame and fault.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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I guess this was one of those test.

Damn failed another .

There are wrong reasons in my opinion including swinging when you don't want to just to please your partner, thinking swinging will fix an broken marriage just to name a few .

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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We can close the thread because I think John had the best answer that could be given!

Grand Blanc MI
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I do not believe there is a wrong or right reason, AS LONG AS you both decide before hand what you both expect out of it and are happy with that. every couple/person will have their own reasons, just because we personally think they may be in it for the wrong reason does not make it wrong for them. as long as the other couple/person they are meeting knows why they are doing it.

as someone said here, sperm donor, why is that wrong if the second couple is willing to help out in that respect, and terms and conditions are met between all four. yes it's true Mrs J and I would not go about it this way, but to each his own.

Yes i know you said keep it short, but i think if ALL parties involved are in agreement, then how is anything wrong ? and who are we to say it's wrong FOR THEM. The only thing i would consider wrong, is going behind your spouses back or when you lie to the couple/person you meeting.

I also know of two couples who actually met on here and are happily married now, so finding a spouse can't be wrong either.

also, To compensate for what is lacking in your relationship may not be wrong either, Lets say Mrs J doesn't like a certain position and doesn't mind i do this position with another woman, than thats not wrong either.

all i'm saying is if all are in agreement then nothing can be wrong. FOR THOSE COUPLES participating. even if we personally dont agree with it.

Philadelphia PA
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TOPIC: Wrong reasons VS right reasons