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TOPIC: Why is this so hard
Created by: FlirtAway
Original Starting post for this thread:
This summer we have met 5 couples. The first ones....weren't ready and were more in it for the girl/girl which we don't do anyways. Nothing happened. The second ones REALLY weren't ready. Nothing happened. The third one the guy was so shy he could barely make a move. We finally played and he freaked out after. We stayed friends and tried again and we realized he was just an inconsiderate douche, but the female half was awesome so it sucked for me after a 2 month friendship. The next couple...I really don't know what their deal was other than the guy was insecure. It didn't make it very far. The last couple stood us up, lol.

We are VERY VERY upfront and open about our limits and what we are looking for. We are separate room only and only play with girls in a threesome. We are full swap with really no other rules. We try to be friends, not just sex. We aren't pushy, we're VERY considerate of everyone's boundaries and making sure everyone is comfortable.

My question, is this normal/typical? We are seriously considering just being polyamourus with approved partners because couples are such a pain in the ass.

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Most people make this so hard because of their own obstacles, which is on full display, myself included, in this thread.

Sweettart, we would totally do you guys based on looks and friendly conversation if we met you randomly at a club. That situation would mean we hadn't seen your profile. That encounter would then have gone horribly, and possibly violently, wrong the first time either of you spanked my wife. I don't hit girls for sexual pleasure, and I don't want anyone hitting my girl. Call me old fashioned.

Right there is a perfect example of why it's hard for people. Conditions imposed independently by two couples make it a bad idea for them to ever hook up.

Hilliard OH
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Take heart SexUuppers... we border on the poly line too, and the needles are in the haystack, but you can find them! Granted we play with single males, so we only have to make friends with one other person instead of two; but we still talk to the first guy we met, are great friends with the second, and after playing exclusively with him for a year, managed to find a third guy who we are also lucky to call a friend. All of that after only meeting 8-10 guys total, though we briefly chatted with many more. Perhaps I can suggest a hybrid of the long running emails/chats and the immediate jump into bed route? If a profile catches your eye, and after 2-3 emails/chats, you think they are a good match, see if you can make time for a dinner/date night. You will quickly see if they are as compatible with you as you think you are and if so, the messages/text/emails etc will flow naturally afterwards, building up to your next meeting, whether for another date or for intimate encounters. We have had a few guys who we chatted with for several weeks while we tried to get schedules to line up. Everything sounded good on paper, then we met up and realized that the spark of friendship that makes for a great friends with benefits relationship just wasn't there. It was rather a let down since they sounded so good on paper, and it kind of felt like a waste of time since we hadn't talked to anybody else in the meantime since they sounded so promising. Good luck! Have fun! And take heart that it is easier to find a needle in a haystack than a unicorn!

Philadelphia PA
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SexUppers,

The friends first thing is ridiculously naive. I don't mean that to insult you, you're far from alone in that sentiment. Have you really thought it through? How much time does it take before you can call someone a "friend" as you define it? A couple weeks? You're very shallow if that's the case. A couple months or more? What if you put in that much time with someone, and truly get to the point that you care about them as a person, and then find out that they're awful in bed? Are you still going to be "friends" with them if that happens?

We've been active bed-hopping swingers for 6 years, and we've met TWO couples in all that time that we both wanted to be friends with, and both of those relationships started with the sex, which was good. We see both of those couples regularly, and even have occasional vanilla family get togethers with one of them. That's less than 1% of the people we've met and played with. Finding true friends in the lifestyle is like finding a needle in a haystack, literally, no exaggeration. We actually searched through the haystack over a period of years and only found them by blind dumb luck. There are so many new swingers who get into this with the "friends first" mentality who seem to have this crazy idea that they're going to reach into the haystack and pull out a needle on the first try. It just doesn't work like that.

Forget about "friends first". Fuck around for fun. Do it enough and you'll eventually find those friends you seek. When you do find those friends, <span style="display:none"></span>cherish them<span style="display:none"></span>. The lifestyle is the biggest pit of vipers that you've been in since high school, and a true friend is rare.

This is a bit of a tangent, but one of my biggest lifestyle pet peeves is rampant abuse of the word FRIEND. The most common usage of it seems to be something along the lines of "we fucked them once, and we think we like them, kind of".

Hilliard OH
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We try to alternate between meeting new couples and meeting with couples that we've already established friendships with.

For example, last night we went out on the town with a couple that we've been with previously and are comfortable with. Tonight, we're going out to dinner with a new couple that we've never met before.

This way, it's not too disappointing when new couples don't work out. We try to meet a new couple each week, and find that only about 1 in 10 are actually compatible, and that we are interested in seeing again.

I agree with what a previous poster said, in that it *is* dating, except that it's a little more difficult because there are 4 people involved instead of just 2. You definitely have to enjoy "dating" to take this approach.

Chesterfield VA
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we never have expectations meeting people or going to the club. if it happens then cool if not oh well.

we have met several new couples the last couple months and the stars don't seem to align or some shit anyway no big deal. I think what hurts us more is that we have a 5 yr old and only play with couples in our age range which seem to be empty nesters. they are looking for people who are spontaneous which is impossible for us with lining up baby sitters. so we march on lol enjoying life

Delta PA
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Have to agree that it's about "par for the course". This IS like dating, only X2. Keep your expectations low, and you won't be disappointed. You'll also be pleasantly surprised at times!

Tempe AZ
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Well they just texted us last minute and he came up with "food poisoning" lol

Davison MI
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How ya been hun. Ya, we haven't had much luck in the past year. It's gotten pretty bad actually. We're still trying, but losing hope, lol. We even tried one, meet & play without the friend thing and that didn't even work, lol.

Hope it goes good for you guys this weekend! You'll have to let us know.


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I guess I fixed it! :)

Davison MI
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That's what they said, but then I gave them access to private pics and I guess it worked?? I'm not sure how I am blocking couples.... only supposed to be single males at the moment... grrrrr...

Davison MI
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TOPIC: Why is this so hard