When not all four have equal interest: Swingers Discussion 42201

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TOPIC: When not all four have equal interest

Created by: Schwing31 Original Starting post for this thread:
We have a relatively small group of friends who get together occasionally. While we all get along well and there is mutual interest between all parties, we do occasionally invite a new couple or two for a get together. We are looking for a tactful way to let the the new couples know that coming into the group isn't, in essence, giving an open invitation to everyone in the room. In other words, we are more "freelancing" while playing rather than having specific couples pairing up. Just because one guy and my wife spend some time together doesn't necessarily mean that his wife and I will. Basically, those are the words we have used to fill people in on what the atmosphere will be like. Some have been receptive to it some have not. Does anyone have any advice on a better way to present it?

Created by: Schwing31
Original Starting post for this thread:

We have a relatively small group of friends who get together occasionally.  While we all get along well and there is mutual interest between all parties, we do occasionally invite a new couple or two for a get together.  We are looking for a tactful way to let the the new couples know that coming into the group isn't, in essence, giving an open invitation to everyone in the room.  In other words, we are more "freelancing" while playing rather than having specific couples pairing up.  Just because one guy and my wife spend some time together doesn't necessarily mean that his wife and I will.  

Basically, those are the words we have used to fill people in on what the atmosphere will be like.  Some have been receptive to it some have not.  Does anyone have any advice on a better way to present it?

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User Details are only visible to members.	Wow, have we been fortunate. We've held several house parties with anywhere from 5 to 13 couples in attendance. While we've known virtually everyone prior to the party (we have had friends ask if they could bring additional guests), most of the couples did not know each other prior to the event. However, we make sure everyone is aware of the "house rules" before the event, provide screen names for various swing boards, and take the time to make sure everyone is introduced. Goes a long way to get everyone involved and comfortable. It's probably just like a regular party in that the host and hostess have to set the tone and make sure everyone is participating. Plus it helps to invite good people who know what it takes to have a good event. Phil
Bowie MD			Username hidden (85 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	pat I should have sent that in email, so I deleted it.. Actually her parties in the ramada inn were the best parties bar none.Really wish she woudl go back to those.That country bar is in there now. She has the best ideas and can decorate very well, has great themes. She is the only one who took the ball and ran with it. What we need to do is start bringing new blood ,bring fresh new people who are open minded and not stuck up or stuck on themselves. I could understand if they were hard bodies young or old but as you have seen. In time the word wil get out that she has reopened and she wil have the turn out. Something else to remember now there are 4 times as many clubs from ampa to fort meyers that are grabbing for people and straws.When we started the meet n greets all there was ,oharas,pleasure palace, the place on nebraska and tbl in fort meyers, the place on nebraska closed, so did oharas. 2 out of 4 closed. Thats a lot of competition for a small group of people.Not one of them will work together either.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (2070 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I would say then the core group of Cinsual has disbanded and that is all that remains. Everyone has praise for the lady and the attempt to get it going again...she is truly friendly and outgoing. Too bad she's the only one. We heard it was much, much better before. This group's clique attitude may spoil her hard work to get it running again with new couples. I hope not as there aren't too many choices in Sarasota.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (181 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Same here, we only knew the hostess of the party and she didn't appear until we were getting ready to leave. Lovely lady, she tries her best. We're missing this month's party due to company coming this weekend but I'll have to break my partner's arm about giving it one more shot if asked next month.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (181 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Guess I should have been more clear. In both instances, we only knew the hosts of the party.
Saint Augustine FL			Username hidden (12572 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Bacchus If we already knew everyone, or a large percentage, who was attending that sort of party we'd probably give it some consideration. If it was a group we were unfamiliar with we would definitely not consider attending a party of that type.
Jennings LA			Username hidden (771 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	At the last house party we attended, the 'in' group ignored anyone new... period. No attempt was made to include new faces in conversations or even introduce themselves in passing to the kitchen bar. Might as well have been invisible. My partner and I weren't the only new ones there as there were two or three other couples looking just as uncomfortable (or was that because the dancing pole was right in front of them?) We were holding up the wall at the sliding doors - not even in the lanai - as there were no empty chairs left. Unfortunately the clique had positioned their seating around the two tables at one end of the lanai and everyone else was left twisting in the breeze in chairs placed around the wall. So if we were asked to return to this particular house party, we'd be there early enough I think to stake chairs at the tables to at least say hi to someone next to us. If we play or not ...we'd have a chance.
Sarasota FL			Username hidden (181 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'm wondering how everyone feels from the reverse end of this? Being pretty new to this area, we've been invited to two house parties where upon asking questions, it was apparent that within an hour of arriving we'd be expected to lose the clothes and start playing. It's none of our business how other people play. But we declined the invitations because for us we really don't know if we want to until we interact with the others and take in the whole atmosphere of the group.
Saint Augustine FL			Username hidden (12572 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Couplenit4fun....That's an angle we've not looked at. Sounds like the route to take. Thanks.
Jennings LA			Username hidden (771 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think anytime you are asked to be in a group you can't assume that everyone in the group is comfortable with you or is attracted to you. I think that you need to make sure that when you approach someone for the first time you need to ask if they are okay with proceeding to other activities. I guess I am saying that you need to ask their "permission" before you just jump into playing with an individual person. I think this is important in any situation involving sex. When you are on the other end of this and iviting a new couple or small group to an existing group, I think you need to make sure that the couple knows that they need to get a yes from someone before they proceed further. This seems like everyone would have a common courtesy to ask before jumping in however some people might be new and not know.
Lafayette LA			Username hidden (5 post)

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