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What if I'm turned on but he-she isn't : Swingers Discussion 46156
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TOPIC: What if I'm turned on but he-she isn't
Created by: LIVINLARGE
Original Starting post for this thread:
We had a swap with a couple; it was quite good for him/her, but it was not at all good for his/her partner. He/she wanted to see them again, but his/her partner was so turned off that it wasn't feasible. This caused quite a bit of anxiety when it probably shouldn't have. What do other couples do when one is "ready and willing" for a second episode, but the other partner doesn't want to participate AT ALL and "playing together" is the rule? How do you say "no thanks" to the couple? Does anyone else run into this?
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in the case that is here its not about gut feelings it was about an event that people went to,had sex and one was not entirely pleased by the outcome. We agree totally with someones feelings. If you feel that its not gonna work then go with your feelings.Usually they are true. Obviously they liked the couple or they would not have gone that far.Now that someone had a not so fine experience its about what to do . It no longer is a gut feeling. Give them a second chance.We say yes but with a but. Talk to them, ask them to try this or that iin order to make it more enjoyable for the ones who did not enjoy what went on.If you did not care for them then move on and let it go.By asking do we give them a second chance it implies that each couple likes one another.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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<<swinging is based on gut feelings, primal attraction, etc.>>

That is SO true! And so is a lot of the rest of life. I learned at about the age of 40 that when my "gut feeling" was telling me one thing, and my brain was telling me something else, that my guts were smarter than my brain.

"Gut feelings," aka intuition, occurs because you are picking up signals subconciously that your conscious brain hasn't registered. Trust those feelings, and when in doubt, don't!

South Riding VA
 
 
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wow give up on others really fast in here. How about this, we have done this a couple of times when we really liked the other couple and in the same situation as you described.We sat down with the other couple for drinks and discussed ways to make it more fun for all.See if they are willing to make it more fun for everyone. The one thing people never seem to look at. If someone did not have fun there is always another who did not have fun.It always takes two to have fun or not to have fun. When communication is present,all kinds of really great things can happen.We can say we are really glad that we did this with a couple, we are now going on 7 years of knowing and hanging out with this couple. Granted there will be times people will say no to improving a situation, thtas the time to give up on them.You wil find people who will just lay on a bed and say here I am take me without putting any effort into it.When this happens with me with a female I usually take her hand and walk her to a counter,set her on the counter or whatever is around ,use your imagination on this.

Sarasota FL
 
 
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Honesty is always the best policy plain and simple. You will find a lot in this lifestyle that the woman of the couple is usually the one not fulfilled, sad but true. Personally, I have given couples the "second chance" for one reason or another (usually because the guy didn't get it up the first time because of nerves), and we don't hold things like that against giving others a second chance, and if we are extremely compatable with them, maybe even a third (but never no more), but if you played without problem like this occurring and one was unsatisfied, there is nothing you can do but be honest.

Johnstown PA
 
 
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This happens all the time. Expect it to happen again. What do we do when it happens? We say goodbye to that couple and look for another one.

We have a rule which we've had from the beginning. It takes TWO to want to play, but just ONE to veto someone.

South Riding VA
 
 
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We had a swap with a couple; it was quite good for him/her, but it was not at all good for his/her partner. He/she wanted to see them again, but his/her partner was so turned off that it wasn't feasible. This caused quite a bit of anxiety when it probably shouldn't have.

What do other couples do when one is "ready and willing" for a second episode, but the other partner doesn't want to participate AT ALL and "playing together" is the rule? How do you say "no thanks" to the couple?

Does anyone else run into this?

Alexandria VA
 
 
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TOPIC: What if I'm turned on but he-she isn't