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Up's Down's - How to Handle : Swingers Discussion 222994
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TOPIC: Up's Down's - How to Handle
Created by: JandROhio
Original Starting post for this thread:
The wife and I are in unchartered waters (together) and are attempting to figure out our next steps in this lifestyle. We are looking for advice from more experienced couples/individuals. During the past month, we have experienced some extreme highs and lows. Now we are in what I call the "hangover" period, whereby we are wondering if it was all "worth it".

Brief History:

A few weeks ago we were approached (on SLS) by a very attractive MF couple. We exchanged info and decided to meet a at local bar before going to a LS club. It was a great night just hanging out, dancing, light flirting, etc. with no playing. Over the next couple days we decided to meet up at our house the following weekend for a "sleepover". Result, no uncomfortable moments, just lots of fun (soft swap only). Confirmed next day all was good! Lots of flirting, chatting, texting, pics, etc. between all of us during the following week. All Good. They suggest another "sleepover" the following weekend. Come over. All good. Lots of fun. Soft swap, but now open to full "if it happens". Does not but had a great time. Next morning. All good, and same as previous weekend.

Then receive text message from other couple stating that they are going to pull back as they did not enjoy it as much as they thought they would. Swinging is not for them etc. We were their first couple, and they were ours.

Now, I am not here to discuss why it happened. Wifey and I have our own opinions and the truth is that none of us will really know. Nor does it really matter.

Our questions have to do with more the ups and downs of it all. One min we are flying high. The next, we are not feeling very good. We think of ourselves as a "low volume" & "high quality" couple.

How do you manage these feelings? Is this par for the course?

Thanks in advance for all of your advice.

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Sounds like par for the course. We've all had our ups and downs, and it's not worth overanalyzing when it doesn't work out for all concerned. We've been through this as well. The previous comment about one party perhaps enjoying the encounter a little "too much" in the eyes of his/her partner is quite common, though folks rarely admit it.

The "sex first, friends later" comment is realistic. We're not looking for a relationship here; we already have that with each other. Obviously, we need to personally like the couples we play with, but we're not looking for anything deeper than a solid friendship (and of course, hot playtime). Don't sweat it--good luck!

Tempe AZ
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It sounds like you guys had some fun times. The other couple were the ones that had trouble with it, not you guys.

I'm not sure about the "sleepovers" though. I'm glad it worked out to be fun for you guys, but I don't think I'd want another couple "sleeping over" at my house (or us at theirs). But that's just my opinion.

Lahaina HI
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So your first two times were a relative success. We know couples that are not nearly that lucky. Enjoy your fun times, don't feel bad about another couples decision that the LS is not for them. You did your part, they did theirs and there seemed to be no drama involved.

Stay true to yourselves, high quality is a great thing. There is no rule that says you need to be high volume to have fun in the LS.

Take what works for you and have fun.

Middletown DE
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You all were a great help. Thanks so much!!

Chagrin Falls OH
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We agree with GFandME, There will always be ups and downs (sorry, bad pun), but as long as you don't take things too seriously and just have fun you'll be fine. Our idea of swinging is socializing and NSA sex, we try not to overthink it. We stopped dating other people before we got married so we're not interested in sparking up relationships with anyone else. We're firm believers in sex first and then maybe friends later. When you get too friendly with playmates it can lead to jealousy and hurt feelings when things go wrong (and they will). It sounds like you may have gotten a bit too friendly with your playmates, all you can do now is learn from it and move on.

Virginia Beach VA
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Its all good, this happens. Getting 4 people all attracted at the same time can be a challenge and a half. Lots of people have great fun with it mind you...but it can take patience. It is good that they realized quickly that its not their thing...yet did not cause drama during playtime. Continue having fun and do not take it personally :0)

San Marcos TX
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Bothered us a bit at times but in the end we really only care about us having a great time with ourselves, the rest is a bonus. We try to keep that mindset. So far, its been working.

Its only just sex right ?

Parsippany NJ
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dont take it personally. it isnt very common that all 4 peoplewill get along. just keep looking for compatable couples, and good luck

Philadelphia PA
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(2017 posts)
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The wife and I are in unchartered waters (together) and are attempting to figure out our next steps in this lifestyle. We are looking for advice from more experienced couples/individuals. During the past month, we have experienced some extreme highs and lows. Now we are in what I call the "hangover" period, whereby we are wondering if it was all "worth it".

Brief History:

A few weeks ago we were approached (on SLS) by a very attractive MF couple. We exchanged info and decided to meet a at local bar before going to a LS club. It was a great night just hanging out, dancing, light flirting, etc. with no playing. Over the next couple days we decided to meet up at our house the following weekend for a "sleepover". Result, no uncomfortable moments, just lots of fun (soft swap only). Confirmed next day all was good! Lots of flirting, chatting, texting, pics, etc. between all of us during the following week. All Good. They suggest another "sleepover" the following weekend. Come over. All good. Lots of fun. Soft swap, but now open to full "if it happens". Does not but had a great time. Next morning. All good, and same as previous weekend.

Then receive text message from other couple stating that they are going to pull back as they did not enjoy it as much as they thought they would. Swinging is not for them etc. We were their first couple, and they were ours.

Now, I am not here to discuss why it happened. Wifey and I have our own opinions and the truth is that none of us will really know. Nor does it really matter.

Our questions have to do with more the ups and downs of it all. One min we are flying high. The next, we are not feeling very good. We think of ourselves as a "low volume" & "high quality" couple.

How do you manage these feelings? Is this par for the course?

Thanks in advance for all of your advice.

Chagrin Falls OH
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(5 posts)
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TOPIC: Up's Down's - How to Handle