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FORUMS General Discussions Swinger Advice Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle
TOPIC: Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle
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1."Join today, get laid tonight" isnt going to happen.

2. Have a thick skin and dont let things get to you.

3. As a newbie, those 100 emails you just got in your mailbox, wont mean you're booked up for the next 100 weekends. You will sort through those and find a handful that youre interested in, a smaller handful that you communicate with, then a few that seem like real prospects. Out of those most will not pan out. If you are lucky, you will get to the meeting stage with a couple of those. But you really can go through 100 emails and not have 1 that works out.

4. You will get stood up. You will get lied to.

5. Dont trust a profile. That "couple" you are talking to, has a good chance of being a single male. That "single female" you're talking to will mention at some point that shes bringing her husband or boyfriend.

6. Pictures mean nothing. Get recent ones during chat and a cam is better. We know people who have had the same pics on here for the last 9 years. 9 years and 75 pounds can change your attraction when you meet.

7. MEET CLOSE TO HOME! or somewhere YOU and YOUR PARTNER want to go already. MOST meetings dont pan out. That person you are driving 2 hours to meet after chatting for weeks and building up excitement, will have no problem not showing, "forgetting" or sending you a cancel email after youre already sitting there.

For many newbies the excitement and possibilities turn into frustration pretty quick. You join a new site and feel like rockstars when you check your email. You think, "I have my pick of hundreds of people" until you try to get them out from behind the computer.

BE HONEST YOURSELVES!!!!!!!!

If you are new, shy, just checking things out, exploring the possibility, sticking your toes in the water, just looking to chat, trade pics, cam, etc......STATE THAT.

Plenty of people will take the time to be patient with you and help you explore the lifestyle at your own pace IF YOU STATE YOUR INTENTIONS.

Dont make a profile as if you are dead set ready, serious, keys in hand...... Experienced people tend to expect things to follow a similar pattern to get to the ultimate goal of meeting and playing. If the end result is not your ultimate goal for sure, be honest.

As a couple. If we exchange emails. Chat. Pics. Cam. Get along great. Yack online for hours over many days. If everything is going well. We EXPECT the next step to be meeting. Unless during that process you give an indication that you're not interested or not ready. You will get labeled as a game player and "fake"

As much as we(I) bitch and complain on here in the forums. We DO play. We DO have successful encounters and we DO have a hell of a lot of fun.

Just be honest. Be who you say you are. And you WILL get out of this site exactly what you are looking for.

Mount Juliet TN
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We always say we are going to have sex with each other any time we go out..whether another joins or not is irrelevant but is a bonus!!!

Lancaster OH
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Hi hopes, but low expectations for 1st meetings; If it's a no go, back out politely and never burn your bridges! You never know --- last year's duds might have dramatically changed their game plan...

Charlotte NC
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Treat everything as a Meet and Greet, just have fun. Rem to laugh, answer all E mails, and if is never wrong to say No thanks not interested. Just be nice about it.

Creedmoor NC
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Whenever meeting a new couple always arrange to meet them at a place that the two of you enjoy. That way if they don't show up you still have a good time.

Besides being good specific advice, it also applies to the experience a whole.

Ann Arbor MI
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have fun and do not take it seriously. the minute you start taking it too seriously the fun stops and it becomes an unpaid job.


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my advice for "newbies" COMMUNICATION, TRUTH, HONESTY, and don't take anything personally....

And above all KNOW your partners limits, wants and desires...(file under communication)

Lancaster OH
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Advice to new people entering the lifestyle... Ensure you are experimenting for the right reasons!

If your relationship does not have a solid foundation and it is during a time period of unrest in said relationship, swinging may not be the avenue to save your relationship. There are an abundant of rellationships that didn't survive this lifestyle.

Betotally honest and transparent with each other. While flirting with others, share the experiences with each other... Have a discussion to ensure both partners have the same expectations and agree on the types of play...

It is all about being mutual: communications, commitment, expectations and play...

And... the friends you will make --both in and out of bed--will be among the best.. V

Mantoloking NJ
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You referred to your intelligence favorably by referencing an article that says Ashkenazi are the most intelligent people in their world.

Unless there are any other Ashkenazi here, I took that as meaning you consider yourself smarter than everyone else here, other than me. Okay, it was a bit of a leap, but the logic was still tighter than 99% of the fallacious argument that permeates the political threads here.

Sed, my last word is your word. "Pedantic." It describes someone who engages in argument that is annoying because of its overemphasis on language and subtle argument. It is sorta the opposite end of the spectrum from trite, which is the communication of ideas that are obvious, oversimplifies, bereft of real substance.

I am embarrassed that you would find me pedantic and will try to write more mindfully in an effort for self-improvement. I am going to make this positive change because of your opinion - even though I do not love you with all my being.

But speaking of self-improvement, I notice that your prose has been getting more and more sophisticated ever since you and I started communicating. I am sorry that you do not want to further pursue this growth opportunity, but I respect your decision and whether you believe it or not, do wish you only the best in all your future endeavors.

Amherst Canada
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Sed, I’ve gotten where I am today fighting with as much dignity as I can muster against an ex wife, kids, a partner, employees, competitors and boatloads of government hacks. You are the first to have ever accused me of passive aggressiveness.

I want to compliment you for the careful soul searching that led you to admit in your post that you really do believe you are smarter than others. Perhaps it provides insight into all your hostility towards V, i.e., you really do not object to people thinking they are intellectually superior to others; rather you just want it to be clear that you are the one of intellectual superiority.

I also commend you on your grudging admission that you do care about people’s opinion of you - at least if they are in the category of “ones you love with all your being.” That was not so hard now, was it? Did you know that one great Jew of the past built an entire philosophy around the notion that to love God with all Thy Heart, Soul and Might actually means loving your neighbor the same way?

Oh, I forgot, Jesus was Sephardic, not Ashkenazi.

Sed, it is touching to hear that your wonderful man accepts you for exactly for who you are; but is that really enough? I have a pet dog who apparently feels the same way about me. However, the Ashkenazi tradition in which I was raised calls for something a lot more demanding from all our meaningful life relationships. Change and growth are really not such a bad thing, but some people are so full of pride and wrapped up in their fragile self-image that they react to such a suggestion defensively - proclaiming their happiness with things exactly as they are, replete with boasts about their many family, friends and wonderful life.

I am not saying that this is the case with you, since I really do not how you see yourself when you are looking into your soul instead of the mirror. But as is the case with my limericks that were really intended to have broad application, if the shoe fits, wear it.

Amherst Canada
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TOPIC: Things you would tell new people entering the lifestyle